Severed Ties
by Alphabet Face
Summary: Jim and Spock have been together for quite some time. But now something will get in the way. Will this destroy their relationship or bring them closer? Spirk Slash!
1. Indeed

Severed Ties

A/N: Hello everybody. This is my first try at a Star Trek fanfic and I hope it works out well. May you enjoy reading it as much as I do writing it. I'd also like to thank my beta Miss Spockista for all the wonderful help and advice. I couldn't have done such a fine job without her. Happy Reading.

Disclaimer: Don't own anything Star Trek related. (Unless my glove plushie counts. =^^=)

Warnings: Uh it's a slash. Don't like it don't read it, and there is some man-on-man action in this chapter. Other than that you're good to go.

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It was the dead of night on the starship most of the day crew had already fallen into peaceful slumber in their own quarters. Little did they know a certain Captain and First Officer were still very much awake and very much enjoying themselves, well, Jim was anyway. He was pretty sure his First was too but he could be wrong considering the position he put him in…

"Check." He said simply while watching the Vulcan's face for a hint of anything. Spock with careful practice moved his king in a safer position away from the impending doom of his Captain's next move.

This was usual. This casual play of chess. Generally, it didn't happen this late in the evening, but still. After the last mission any time they could get together was better than nothing. Even if it was covert chess games in one or the other's quarters. Well, to the public eye it was just chess games and what would appear to be a tight knit friendship. What happened afterwards was essentially more than just what everyone thought. As he finally got his First into checkmate Spock raised a quizzical brow while Kirk smirked back.

"I was not anticipating that move." He said evenly.

"I know." Jim answered

Jim began to help the Vulcan put away the chess board. After a beat Spock admitted his defeat.

"I lost."

With a devilish smirk Kirk sauntered over to his first officer with one of the alien's phrases on his tongue

"Indeed," and that was the end of that as their lips melded together, much like their minds did on several occasions.

In one swift motion the Vulcan used his more-than-human-strength to lift Jim. With graceful and almost feline movements he laid him onto the single bed with the utmost care as if he may break his fragile Captain, their lips never breaking contact.

Being himself and feeling bold Jim teased Spock's lips with his tongue asking for entrance. Tentatively the other obliged allowing himself to let out a small sigh. It was only Jim that could evoke these human responses out of him.

In his head he did a silent victory dance as he dove his muscle into that hot wet cavern. Reveling in the taste that was alien, but vividly Spock. Grinning into the kiss he engaged said alien's tongue to join his own.

Of course, he obliged. But don't think it ever used to come this easy to them. It took time to come to this level of intimacy and a lot of effort on both parts…a lot. Spock learning it was okay to let his guard down around Jim, that it wouldn't be held against him if he showed emotion. Jim learning patience and restraint, giving Spock the time he needs. Speaking of patience, although he had it, it was beginning to wear thin.

Wanting no more than the feel of his First Officer's pale, olive toned, skin, sweat slicked, and sliding against his own he began to tug on the familiar blue and black regulated attire. Breaking the kiss breathlessly Spock leaned back and stared down at Jim's flushed, cheeks and full, panting lips.

"It appears you are more sexually frustrated than I had predicted." He stated, quirking an eyebrow.

Jim let out a guttural groan and shamelessly pressed up into the Vulcan hybrid straddling his hips causing his erection to grow harder-if possible. This caused both eyebrows to shoot up and a slight green flush to appear on Spock's cheeks.

"We've been busy. What, with the last mission and everything. It feels like I haven't seen you in ages." Jim admitted, sitting up and wrapping his arms around Spock's neck, pouting slightly.

His first officer's eyes lingered on those pink puffy lips as he spoke, not wanting the full force of Jim's "puppy dog eyes" which did not have any effect on him at all…whatsoever.

"On the contrary Jim. We have been on the bridge together for the same shift for the duration of the mission. Although, we have not had our usual number of daily activities or nightly…encounters for that matter. I too have pondered over the fact that we have not spent as much time together as we generally do. Seeing as how the mission had consumed most of it like you just stated." He elaborated without so much as taking a breath. _Damn, _how did he do that?

Jim felt the comfort of arms being wrapped around him and hands being pressed at the small of his back. The soft vibration of what would be anticipation, lust, and affection projected through the contact from both parties.

"So the feeling is mutual." He summed up.

"Indeed."

That was the only reply needed as both of them leaned in for another breathtaking kiss. It was only broken as shirts were removed. Having more skin at his disposal Jim took the opportunity to assault his first officer's neck nipping and sucking on smooth skin. A smile bloomed on his face as Spock inclined his head, giving him better access.

Moments like this never ceased to amaze him, when Spock would show him his more human side. Something that was reserved only for Jim. While smiling like a madman and kissing down Spock's neck he never noticed the soft pillows meeting the back of his head. He also didn't hear the unfastening of his belt and his pants being gone as feather-light kisses were being placed down his abdomen by a pair of very warm lips leaving a tingling sensation behind. Another plus of being with Spock-his efficiency-.

Jim brought the Vulcan's face back up to his, their fore-heads resting together, and stared into warm pools of black. Spock's eyes reminded him of the deep depths of space. He could very easily get lost in them. They had a slight twinkle in them, much like the stars as they stared at Jim.

He pulled his officer's face to his for another kiss that was out of this world. His hands, however, left. They had a mind of their own as they moved to the front of the slacks Spock was still wearing. While fumbling with the belt the Vulcan's warmer hands enclosed over Jim's and guided them with ease.

Finally it was the skin-to-skin contact Jim had been desiring for over the past month. Been dreaming about. It had been lonely in his quarters when he hit the hay. Albeit he was tired but still…even a game of chess would have been better than nothing.

All thoughts were shut down as a moan erupted from deep in his throat. It appeared Spock cut him off by using his hand. He grabbed Jim's throbbing member, giving it a few good strokes.

"Oh god." Jim let out shakily. With that same warmth and amusement in his eye Spock sealed their lips in a heated kiss where teeth mashed and tongues wrestled. Their lips would be bruised tomorrow, no doubt.

Spock continued his stroking as Jim practically bucked into his hand. He groaned as he reached for Spock's other hand twining them together, wanting more of the pleasant thrum of their mental connection. Spock let go of Jim's member making the man underneath him whimper into the kiss because of the loss of contact.

Knowing by now that he wasn't actually hurting Jim he gave him another kiss for good measure before reaching into the bed-side table's drawer for the tube of lube. Spreading it evenly on his fingers he kissed down the cleft of Jim's firm chest.

Jim began to complain at the loss of contact to his hard-on when Spock slowly inserted the first digit. Jim was cut off as he shamelessly moaned and tangled his finger's in the unnaturally soft straight hair.

Spock's lips moved over a sensitive nipple as he slid in another finger. The stimulation seemed almost overwhelming. _Damn. Has it really been this long?_ Jim wondered as his physical mouth was reduced to vowels.

The Vulcan gave the same treatment to the other nipple as he slowly scissored his finger's inside Jim. Not having this feeling in a while Jim grunted seeing as it was a bit uncomfortable, but nothing he couldn't get reacquainted with.

Making sure he stretched him enough, Spock reached down to cover his own throbbing member in lube thoroughly. He didn't want to take any chances. As they discussed earlier it had been quite some time.

With that thought his human half seemed to recognize the _need_ for this contact-although it didn't agree with his logic- but when it came to Jim nothing ever truly seemed logical.

With that thought he sealed their lips together while he slid in partially as Jim grunted and clenched his jaw, grinding his teeth together. He thrusted his tongue into Jim's mouth as he eased in a bit more. Grabbing one of his Captain's hands and ran their finger's together in the fashion of the Vulcan kiss.

Jim panted, as Spock breathed heavier than normal. Those pale blue eyes of Kirk's is what kept him from losing it. He determined to take it slow. Jim ran his index and middle finger up and down Spock's very slowly.

The Vulcan shivered all over from the simple action that was so sensual and seductive. After Jim adjusted some he continued to push in until he was to the hilt.

He willed his muscles not to move as he nosed up Jim's jaw line and sucked on the spot behind it under Jim's earlobe. Another sound came out that was a mix between a moan and a whimper. He gritted his teeth as short puffs of air pushed out between.

"Spock." Jim let out, strained and yet relieved.

Unsure if he should respond or not Jim squeezed his hand and tried to move his jutting hips that were pinned by his first officer. Positioning his lips next to Spock's ear.

"Move," he breathed heavily into the organ.

With that said, he gave the organ a swift lick and nibbled on the outer rim.

Turning his head, Spock caught Jim's lips as he began to set a slow and steady pace. Jim gasped at the contact that he'd missed for too long. He'd missed Spock for too long. Playing the role of Captain and First Officer on the bridge just wouldn't suffice anymore.

Their movements were languid and natural, but it slowly tuned heated as their hips found a more suitable rhythm once the slow pace and Jim's discomfort wore off.

Their hands still twined together as Spock's nose bumped into Jim's cheek. After a time or two Jim started to kiss him all over. Anywhere his mouth could reach. The corner of Spock's slightly parted lips, his cheek, nose, temple.

Then on a particular thrust Spock had hit the bundle of nerves that made Jim cry out his name. His own mouth parted in a silent moan as he did it again. Jim wrapped his legs around Spock's waist, his muscles clenching around the organ in him.

His Vulcan fist reached in between them and stroked Jim's already hard member. Grunting because of the sound Jim made. Their lips and teeth mashed together as he sucked on Spock's lower lip and ran his tongue over the roof of his mouth. Jim moaned into him and gasped as fingers pressed lightly over the slit as drops of pr-cum slicked Spock's fingers.

He pumped Jim in contrast to his thrusts, washing Jim with a wave of pleasure every time he pulled nearly all the way out and then slammed back in. He brought his lips to Jim's in a kiss that lost some of the lust but truly showed how much he missed this as well without saying it.

Jim's hips faltered as he found his orgasm. Crying out Spock's name he wrapped his arms around him. Spock swallowed his screams as the muscles tightened around his aching member he came not long after Jim.

Not wanting to collapse on him he swiftly rolled them over. Both, their hearts frantic and breathing erratic. Jim nuzzled his cheek against Spock's until he settled into the crook of his neck.

The feel of his first officers rough cheek was surprising but welcomed. The stubble grazing his own cheek. As he settled back down and breathed in the musky scent of their lovemaking._ Hmmmmm it __**must**__ have been a long mission. You didn't even shave before you came here. Not that I mind._ He thought to himself. He moved his ear over Spock's chest and listened to his heart beat even out.

Said man of his musings ran the tips of his sensitive fingers in soothing circles across Jim's back.

"Hmmmm. That feels nice." He hummed absentmindedly.

Spock replied by kissing his forehead and his temples. He brought his hands to Jim's shoulders and slowly pulled out. Jim shuddered from the now empty feeling and wrapped his arms around Spock.

"Are you now satisfied?" Spock inquired in a low rumbled tone that sounded husky to Jim compared to normal Vulcan intonation.

"More than satisfied." Jim replied while holding his finger's to Spock's in a Vulcan kiss.

It was Spock's turn to shudder-even if it was a small one. He retuned the kiss by pressing his lip's to Jim's. Jim's toes curled and he sighed.

After some more kissing that he never grew tired of he went to move and nearly toppled over but a strong pair of arms wrapped around him and pushed back down onto the bed.

Spock-having a faster recovery rate than Jim- came back with a warm washcloth. After wiping Jim off he wiped himself down. Raising an eyebrow in contemplation he crawled over Jim's dozing form and experimentally nibbled on Jim's abdomen. He squirmed underneath him as his eyes shot open. He laughed and tried to tell Spock to stop.

" Fascinating." The Vulcan mumbled as he climbed back onto the bed next to Jim after dropping the cloth in the laundry chute. Jim took the liberty of draping himself over Spock. He rested his head on his chest and tangled their legs. Automatically warm arms wrapped around him and lips kissed the top of his head.

"Thank you." Jim whispered breathily while turning to kiss a svelte pectoral.

"You are welcome." Spock replied kissing the crown of his Captain's head again.

"G'night Spock." Jim yawned out as his eyes drifted closed.

"Good night Jim." Spock said back above a whisper.

He could tell by the evened out breathing Jim was already asleep, but he returned the sentiment anyways. Even if it was illogical. With that he kissed one of Jim's brows and entwined their hands together before following him into sleep.

***

The next morning Jim awoke to the insistent beeping of his alarm clock and no Spock. He pouted even though it was the usual routine. They had to be sure _no one _would find out. It was only natural Spock sneak out early in the morning while not a soul would be found changing shifts.

It was their plan. The only person that could catch them doing anything was Bones, and he already knew. He was the only person privy to their secret. Although he was none to happy about it and at first thought it was some sort of joke. Boy was he wrong.

Shaking his head to release that thought he hit the shower. After getting fully dressed and grabbing a quick bit to eat in the mess then proceeded to the bridge to meet his crew.

He couldn't help the shit-eating grin that was plastered on his face. After last night, nothing could spoil his mood. Sure, he woke up sore this morning but that was all part of the fun wasn't it?

With that in mind he exited the turbo lift, all smiles.

"Good morning crew!" His voice boomed, waking up the half asleep and jolting the other's out of daydreams.

He stood behind his chair and smirked. "Sulu do you have a status report?" he asked in his very captainly voice.

"Everything is in working order Captain. Nothing has changed since yesterday." He replied with an easygoing smile.

"Good to hear." He said as he collapsed into his chair.

Well, he tried to anyway. he went to move to his chair when suddenly the whole ship jerked. He was sent tumbling to the ground with a thud. Shaking, his head he collected his marbles and looked around as some got back into their own chairs while other's shook their heads much like Jim.

"What the hell is going on?" Jim asked looking from person to person.

Sulu answered him first, "Sir, we're being fired upon."

With a curt nod. Jim looked to Chekov, "Get the shields up and running." he said sternly. Chekov bobbed his head in compliance and started to work on doing what he was told.

"Uhura, hail the enemy."

"Yes, sir." She replied after several moments of buttons being pressed and flips being switched she looked back shaking her head, her ponytail swishing. "They aren't responding, sir." She added

He shook his head as well and gave a dismissive wave. Jim was now in full Captain mode he glanced over at Spock who naturally didn't lose his footing during the unexpected movement. "Any idea who this is? Everything was running smoothly and they blind sighted us."

"Not entirely Captain, the only thing that can be certain is their technology is to some extent more advanced than ours, seeing as we did not notice them until a few moments ago."

After a moment Jim's memory jogged an alien race while a light bulb went off, "It must be those damn-" He was going to say the name but was cut off sharply as the ship tossed again.

"Captain." Spock said firmly in his stoic voice but was thrown to the ground as well.

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A/N: That's all for now folks. It would be ever so kind of you to leave a review. Feedback is always welcome. Along with constructive criticism. Thanks again! =^.^=


	2. Take It To The Bridge

A/N: Wow. I'm pleasantly surprised. Thank you to all that reviewed and also to all that favorited or alerted this story. It is much appreciated. Here's the next chapter. I hope you enjoy it as much as the first. Also I'd like to thank my Beta Miss Spockista Fruitista because she keeps me sane and improves my writing skills. Thanks again! 3

Disclaimer: I don't own it. U_U

Warnings: Hmmmmmmm well some more Spork goodness before we get down to the real business.

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Chapter Two: Take It To The Bridge

Jim's head hurt.

_A lot_.

The weight that had knocked the wind out of him was still on his chest. With a gasp, he started coughing. His head still pounded relentlessly and was that the trickle of blood seeping down his neck? He did hit that damn corner pretty hard…

He grabbed hold of whatever had bumped into him and was a little surprised when touching the foreign object sent a tingling buzz that was oddly reminiscent of mental contact with his First. His eyes widened at seeing Spock on top of him.

Awkward.

Staring at each other for a moment they both abruptly stood to their feet.

Jim fought off the blood rising to his cheeks and dusted himself off. The blush quickly left as he realized he was still in the middle of some sort of crisis.

"Chekov, where the hell are those shields?" he asked with a bit of a growl.

"I'm working on it Keptan," the Russian replied, eyes still glued to the monitor.

With a curt nod Jim turned back to Uhura. "I don't suppose they're responding now?" Although he posed the question, he figured after these people shot the ship to hell, they probably weren't looking to open up communications and ask about the weather.

"No, Captain." Came her answer as her brows furrowed.

"Damn," Jim cursed to himself. He pounded his hand on the back of the mercury colored chair. Quickly, he thought of the next possible line of action through his pounding headache.

"Shields up and running, Keptan," Chekov shouted over his shoulder.

"Good to hear," He acknowledged. Still standing, Kirk looked over at Sulu. "Can we possibly get a closer visual of the ship so we can identify these bastards?" _There's no way in hell they're part of the federation, and it's not like we have precious cargo or anything that they'd want…_He thought apprehensively

"Magnifying Captain." He brought up the image with the flip of a switch, bringing Jim's attention back to the bridge.

The enemy was still firing but that wasn't surprising. A closer view at the vessel caused Jim to notice that Spock's speculation was correct. The enemy did have advanced-looking technology.

Peering at the screen for a closer inspection, he did notice a name on the side of the ship. "_Aquarion_," he mouthed.

The name sounded familiar too…Damn his brain! How come he couldn't remember? The name seemed fitting to the vessel. It was a light metallic blue.

Jim stood still behind his chair, legs spread apart and hands behind his back, head held high. "Since they're ignoring our attempts at a peaceful compromise, and will not respond I want lasers locked onto the target. Take 'em out." The last sentence was added with conviction.

Chekov did just that. However, right at the moment he fired and was about to declare the damage inflicted on the enemy vessel, Sulu's side of the panel started to spark, and with a puff of smoke _exploded_. His hand was reaching out, fingers stretched to pull a lever.

Thinking on his toes, Sulu quickly pulled the boy out of his chair and plopped him down on the floor away from the busted console. Immediately, the young navigator clutched his hand to his chest, his eyes wide with fear and possible horror at seeing his station in near flames.

The rest of the ship swayed and mostly everyone braced for it. Jim, luckily, grabbed his chair for support, and peeking at his first officer he noticed he was fine as well, along with the rest of the crew.

Kirk strode over to Chekov and helped him to his feet. He gently took the young man's hand to check out the damage. Thankfully it wasn't that severe. Shaking his head, he stopped abruptly when he realized the ship had become utterly still.

"I want you to get to sick bay right away and have Bones fix you up," he ordered mildly.

"They disappeared, Captain," Uhura supplied efficiently. Jim let out the breath he had been holding and nodded.

"Thank you, Lieutenant."

He slumped down into his chair and pressed the button for the intercom system. " Notify the ensign from the night shift to come to the bridge to fill in for Chekov."

He swiveled absentmindedly for a moment and then got back to work. His headache was still there, pounding away, but he had more pressing matters. "Open a line to engineering."

After a beat Uhura turned to him, signaling it was open.

"Captain to engineering, is everything alright down there Scotty?"

"Ay, Cap'n, any idea what in the blue blazes that was all about?"

"Not a clue. Can you give me an assessment on the damage?"

It was quiet for a moment before the Scotsman gave a reply, "Well, the engines are shot to hell and a few of the engineers are injured. But it's nothing' I cannae fix Cap'n. What kind of damage did she take on the bridge?"

Jim gave a disparaging look to Chekov's station and sighed. "Only minor injuries and The navigation system is…well it kinda' blew up. So I request you send up a few of your men so we can get things back in running order."

"Anythin' else?"

"No Scotty, that'll do. Kirk out," he finished before switching off his system. He relaxed into his chair for a moment and briefly closed his eyes. This was just another day on the lovely lady _Enterprise_. Her magnetism for disaster and her narrow escapes never ceased to amaze him. She was kind of like Jim in that sense, always avoiding danger. His eyes fluttered open as he took in the sight of his faithful crew. "If anyone has injuries, _however minor they may be, _file out for Sickbay and call in your subordinates." He offered to his crew. Only a few left. Funny, he never seemed to take his own advice.

"Uhura, Could you run the name _Aquarion _through the federation's database regarding ships? Something's bound to pop up." She nodded and got back to work.

Kirk looked over at his first officer who, in turn, assessed Jim with a raised brow.

"Captain, it would be in your best interest and the most logical of decisions for you to visit Sickbay as well."

Kirk rubbed a hand across the back of his neck, working out a kink before feeling something slightly…wet?

_Please let that be sweat, _he thought as his hand came into view and sure enough, it wasn't. The red of the blood set a very morbid contrast with his pale skin.

"I suppose," he sighed while looking over at Spock.

He rose out of his chair and walked over to his First's station. "I'll talk to Chekov while I'm at it. The con is yours, Mr. Spock." He said clapping a non-bloodied hand on his first officer's shoulder. There was actually a slight ease in tension as Jim gave a cocky grin. He was surprised at that, seeing as normally it gave the opposite effect.

The Vulcan inclined his head in acknowledgment as Jim headed for the turbo lift and up to sick bay. Leaning against the wall behind him he ran the track in his brain for answers. Nothing was coming up, so instead he reveled in the fact that Spock didn't flinch from his touch, but welcomed it almost. It was weird but he more or less seemed like he was worried about Jim. He shook his head and exited as the doors whooshed open.

Upon his arrival he was faced with a frowning CMO. "What the hell happened up there Jim?!"

Of course. Never a hello. Some sort of angry demand was always the first thing that came out of Bone's mouth at seeing Jim.

"I'm not really sure myself," he shrugged while hopping up onto a medical bench. Bones now fully took in Jim's disheveled appearance as his eyes lingered on the muddied mustard-gold rim of his shirt.

"I nicked the back of my head," he supplied at noticing his friend's gaze.

Bones continued to shake his head as he cleaned, and sealed off the injury. "You never cease to amaze me. How'd you manage that one?"

"When we got tossed around like cookies I sort of hit my head on a corner."

If Bones had rocks for brains you'd be able to hear rattling from all of the disparaging head shaking he did. Jim was surprised he didn't get whiplash from it.

"I'd like to think it's my good looks and charm that attracts so much danger," Jim further explained with a smirk.

Bones rolled his eyes with exasperation as he thought about what idiotic comments his friend made at such inappropriate times.

"But of course it probably didn't help when Spock landed on top of me," he continued and the captain couldn't contain the grin spreading across his face. Okay, so maybe that wasn't exactly how it went down, but from the way it sounded some pretty nice mental images were conjured up in his twisted little brain. It was better than the awkwardly public moment they had earlier. Which no-one noticed, _thankfully_.

Bones eye's squeezed shut as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "Goddammit Jim! Do you want me to go insane?! Mental images, man. I can never get that shit out of my head. I just got over the last one you installed in my damn brain." Jim chuckled, still all smiles. He just loved to torture Bones. He really did have quite a knack for it.

"Yeah, you're laughing now, but one of these days it's going to come back and bite you in the ass," he commented a bit sinisterly as if he'd be the one implementing the biting.

Jim gave a nonchalant shrug, "Maybe, Bones. Oh! Where's Chekov?"

Bones grumbled some more while crossing his arms before he answered, "He's near the back. His hand is gonna' be fine. The kid is just in shock more than anything. He can go back to his quarters and rest. He doesn't have to stay here."

Jim frowned. "You always make me stay," he said with mock anger in his tone.

"That's because with you it's almost always _major_ and because you're a class A pain in the ass!" he explained, shooting his hands up in the air. Jim nodded in understanding and patted his friend on the back.

"I know. That's why you keep me around," he added as Bones rolled his eyes. "Later Bones." McCoy gave a dismissive wave as Jim set off towards the young Russian's medical bed.

"Hey Chekov. How are you doing?" he asked, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"I am fine Keptan. I would not be if Sulu had not pulled me out of the way," he answered with a tinge of embarrassment in his voice.

Jim nodded knowingly. "Yes, Sulu's a fine man. You're lucky you work with him."

Chekov's head bobbed in agreement. Jim looked over the bandaged hand and noticed it wasn't too bad. "So, any clue what happened at your station up there?" he wondered, already knowing the genius had something already formulated.

"Well, the enemy wessel scrambled the shields, and then fired when they were down, Keptan. They managed to blow them up by somehow jamming the signal. I was not able to detect it in time," He replied in his Russian accent. "I think," He tacked on for good measure, just in case he was wrong.

Jim took it all in and looked over at the young boy. He was only seventeen, it was only natural that he didn't get it spot on all the time and that he acquired a few injuries. Genius or not, he was still learning. "No worries," he said back reassuringly, knowing the seventeen year old might be internally beating himself up for it. "You're free to leave sickbay and return to your quarters if you wish."

Chekov nodded and got off the bed to do just that. "Thank you, Keptan." With that, the seventeen year old headed for the turbo lift.

Jim checked the time and left a bit after the Russian boy. His stomach gurgled rather loudly. Since it was close to break anyways, Jim headed for the Mess Hall.

Unnamed Ensigns were everywhere. Kirk got his replicated meal and headed for an empty table in the back corner, not feeling like talking to people.

Halfway through his meal his quiet contemplations were interrupted by good company. Bones and Spock had sat down at his table. Bones grumbled something or other about infuriating hobgoblins. A while later the trio was joined by Scotty and Uhura. The whole gang was practically there.

Everyone held quiet conversations amongst each other while Jim zoned out and ate in his unpopable space bubble.

Lunch went by in a haze.

Jim took no notice to the people around him. He kept thinking about that damn enemy vessel and the way they attacked. It was so familiar to him.

"…Captain?"

Jim's bubble deflated as he shook his head and his attention automatically gravitated toward his first officer. He looked restrained and statuesque, but his eyes revealed all. The concern within his dark gaze for Jim made his heart jump into his throat for a moment. Swallowing hard, he forced it back down before replying, "What Spock?" He was unsure if his first even said anything.

"I inquired if you would be accompanying us back to the bridge Captain, but if you are not at your full capacity retiring to your quarters would be the necessary and most logical course of action." He restated with his hands behind his back.

Jim shook his head while rising. "Naw I'll be fine Spock. Back to the bridge it is." He smiled, trying to ease some of the tension that had mysteriously materialized into the air.

He walked in stride with his First Officer who chatted with Uhura. How they were still on good terms was beyond him. He wasn't one to keep exes as friends, but if Spock wanted to, that was his choice. Not like Jim was gonna' play the role of the new jealous and bitchy love interest. That conjured up odd images. Nonetheless he had too much trust in Spock to do that.

Upon entering the bridge many men and women from engineering in their red jumpsuits filled his line of vision. He went over to Chekov's station to check things out and give a helping hand but they seemed to have it covered. He did a few menial tasks and filled out counted forms on his data pad.

Once again, time went by in a blur, he was so busy filling out forms that he'd been in a daze when the night crew came and relieved them. The poor guy had looked at him like he was crazy when he wouldn't get out of his chair.

Jim finally hopped up from his seat and immediately regretted it due to the head rush he received. Only staggering a bit, he headed for the turbo lift, surprised when his Vulcan companion was waiting inside. There was warmth that spread through his chest from the fact that Spock was waiting for him.

A comfortable silence hung between them on their ride up to C-deck. They went to Jim's quarters automatically, even though they never spoke. Once the metallic door swished shut behind them, Jim flopped down into a chair and let out an exhausted sigh. When Spock sat down as well, the tension in his body nearly washed away, even in his face.

"Wow. That was interesting today. Got attacked, I hit my head, stations exploded, enemy disappeared. All in all not too bad."

"There was nothing out of the ordinary, Jim."

"Yeah. Same old same old," He sighed and got up, walking over to the food replicator while Spock set up the chess board. They fell into their comfortable, familiar routine. After they ate their attention was more focused on the game, but not entirely.

Spock won, as he did on most nights. While they put away the pieces and board, their hands bumped into each other almost purposely. Jim stretched out in his chair, his shirt rising to reveal his well toned body. Keeping his eyes on his Captain, Spock walked over and offered him his hand.

Jim placed his hand in the warmer one and threaded their finger's together as he rose to his feet. Spock's concern and affection shined through the connection, as well as Jim's.

Standing he leaned against his Vulcan's chest and with his other hand ran his two finger's against Spock's in the fashion of the Vulcan Kiss. Kirk smiled and kissed the corner of his First's mouth, making the normally stoic Vulcan's lips twitch upward.

They walked over to the bed, still rather attached by their clasped hands, not wanting to lose the extra sense. Unable to really contain himself, Jim reached up-only a few inches- and kissed Spock fully. It was a slow, easy kiss that made him feel safe and warm.

Jim pulled them to the floor abruptly, causing Spock to end up in his lap. Although the floor seemed like an illogical place for such conduct it went without any objections.

The kisses Jim got back were light and soft. He wrapped his arms around Spock's neck. The Vulcan hybrid somehow at one point pulled Jim into his own lap and held the human with one hand at the small of his back.

Jim suddenly felt like he got hit by a wall of bricks. His stomach knotted up and he had no idea why. It was unexplainable. He kissed back now with more need and vigor, his grip tightening on their clasped hands.

He breathed Spock in with his desperate kisses. His hand curled into his First's hair, with a near desperate intensity.

Eyebrows furrowed together, Spock gently disentangled Jim and his iron clad grip. His breathing was erratic and his heart beat sped up as his stomach dropped again.

Spock held his Captain at arm's length, his gaze assessing. " What ails you, T'hy'la? I do not understand this emotion of dread that afflicts you. What was the cause of such an emotion when there is nothing to fear?"

To be honest, Jim didn't even know, but his brain was telling him otherwise.

"I-I don't know. I was fine, and it just sort of hit me. I've got a bad feeling," he sputtered.

"I could sense that. There is no need for such an emotion, the impending danger is gone and the crisis was averted," Spock continued to explain.

Jim ran a hand through his hair and stood up to start pacing. This, in turn, caused Spock to stand as well.

"I realize that, Spock, but it's a gut feeling. Not something I like to take lightly or ignore," he said as he treaded the carpet.

"Jim, this is highly illogical behavior. You have no basis for this emotion. I do not see the point in continuing to act on this thought," he said stiffly.

"I-Illogical?! Spock some shit can't be explained. I can't put it into words but I believe in it."

"Again, your judgment is clouded. This line of thinking will get you nowhere when clearly nothing critical has happened-"

"Yet," he cut off before letting out a gust of air. "Spock, haven't you ever felt like something was going to happen, but it was unexplainable? No. Maybe you haven't since you suppress all of those damned emotions anyways!" He shot his hands up in exasperation as Spock raised a brow. "I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if you-"

Suddenly she ship shook, cutting Jim off and throwing him into his first officer. They ended up sprawled on the floor, both of them gripping the other in frustration and out of reflex.

Bolting upward, Jim headed for the door, his first trailing behind him. They went down the corridor rather briskly, but the damn ship kept moving which proved to make the task much more difficult.

They were about to turn a corner, and when they did something ugly was beyond it.

"Oh f_uck!_"

Spock looked at Jim briefly with raised brows at his exclamation, but quickly looked forward to see what was blocking their path.

Two huge, unknown aliens were in the way. Their skin was like vinyl, steel blue in color, and their eyes black and unforgiving. They were unlike Spock's eyes, which even on his best day of Vulcan suppression showed some sort of emotion, no, these were fathomless pits. One gave a gnarly smile showing endless rows of razor sharp teeth, yellow and blackened. Apparently they didn't have dental insurance wherever the hell they were from. On closer inspection, they looked like sharks, gills and head fin included, but with arms and legs.

One of them wrapped their long black nails around a phaser and fired. Both men rolled to either side of the hallway, narrowly dodging the shot. The other that didn't fire nodded and they split off and spread apart. One for Spock, and one for Jim. Oh goody.

Feeling the adrenaline rush and the knot in his stomach Jim charged forward, his arm pulled back, ready to strike. Spock's eyes widened before he rushed in shortly after. The one with the phaser hit the first officer and stunned him. Spock hit the floor blacking out instantly.

"No!" Jim cried out at seeing his First before making sure his punch really brought the pain to this fucker. He did get him in the nose pretty well before his arms were caught and he flailed helplessly, kicking out like a small child throwing a tantrum. In other words, it was useless. "SPOCK!" he shouted, trying to get to his First Officer, lying helpless on the floor.

Sadly he couldn't, as his assailant slid his black sharpened nails across Jims face. Jim's sight blurred as he continued to yell for his first officer to get up. The next thing he knew, there was a pain at the back of his neck. He faintly felt like he was dematerializing as he was beamed onto the enemy's vessel and taken away from his beloved enterprise.

Jim had been captured.

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A/N: That's all folks. Reviews much appreciated. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. 3


	3. I Know You Want To Hit That

A/N: Thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! . Wow. I'm so happy from all of the reviews and support. I'm so excited to write this. I hope it won't disappoint. I again couldn't have done any of this without my nonfat soy Spockista Fruitista. Love ya lots hun! Now on with the show! 3

Disclaimer: Don't own.

Warnings: uhhhh I don't know if this gets gory, but this would be where all the angst comes into play. Sit back and enjoy.

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Chapter Three: I Know You Want To Hit That

_One month later_

Spock woke up to another- but he was already awake. Sleep had once again evaded him. His nerves were wearing thin and the carefully crafted control he had over his emotions was steadily cracking at the seams. Meditations had become a prominent part of his daily routine.

In other words, he was losing it. Jim was gone. Still. It had been a month. _A month_ . He did not understand why they had not been able to locate him and bring him back. The _Enterprise_ wasn't the same without her captain.

It seems like she lamented for him as much as the crew. The looks on some of their expressive faces when the news was broken to them were a wide range of shock, anger, sadness.

Spock didn't show nearly as much as the others. He did such things in a more private manner. Like, in his quarters alone, then proceeded to meditate immediately afterwards for such an illogical emotional outburst.

All things considered it was over Jim, so logic wouldn't come into play at all really. If only he had gotten to him sooner. If only he had dodged that phaser… He could mull over the infinite if's until his life span came to an end, it would still not assist in retrieving his Captain.

With that thought, he prepared for another day of relentless searching. It was something he wasn't exactly looking forward to but if it brought him a step closer to finding Jim he might just travel to hell and back.

To say this devotion went beyond that of a First officer was an understatement. Jim was his _T'hy'la_, whatever methods it took he would employ, maybe even defying all logic in itself. That was how far he would go for his Captain, his _T'hy'la_, James Tiberius Kirk.

One thing was certain, he wasn't giving up. He had to suppress the ghost of feelings past that came back to disturb his state of mind. The anger, the dread, the frustration, those emotions plagued him. How had they been unable to find Jim?

The reason was because no one had enough information on his captors. Jim seemed like he might have, but that was useless now. All the information the confident Captain might have had was lost with him.

Spock entered the mess hall, his face the perfect picture of Vulcan suppression, although plenty of other thoughts and emotions rammed at the insides of his logical brain.

Not long after entering and getting his replicated food he was joined by the silent company of Bones and Uhura. This was something of a pattern that had developed between the three. Bones would give him the silent comfort of waiting in the shadows if he ever needed anything, while Uhura would shoot him worried glances and monitor his every movement. Later, the CMO would bombard the woman with demands to relax a bit.

She still didn't know what Jim and Spock were to each other and that was fine. No one needed to know the intricacies of he and Jim's life. The entirety of the crew was in a frenzy when it came to the loss of the Captain and it wasn't like Spock would show how much more panicked he was. So it was all fine and dandy for Spock, at least to onlookers.

When the turbo lift opened to the bridge he asked the usual questions, inquiring about status reports and the like. A while later, Uhura returned as well, diligently working at her station upon sitting down.

He stood behind the captain's chair regarding the ship and her crew. He thought back to the conversation he had with the Federation. They were at a loss when they found out.

There seemed to be a silent denial of the fact that Earth's hero and Starfleet's biggest asset had been stolen so easily. Of course, they still assigned Spock the position of Captain and ensured him that until Jim was found, the Enterprise would have no more oncoming missions.

Turning away from his thoughts and the crew, he moved to his station, reviewing file after file, trying to catch at least a glimpse of the Shark-like group that took Jim.

His perfect memory still painted a perfect picture of what had happened. First, there was Jim's lithe body, coiled and sprung, arm pulled back for a punch. Anger tainted his handsome features and his lip curled back, revealing his pearly whites in a near snarl.

That imagine was all that there was, the last image he had of his captain. Then, the phaser had hit Spock and stunned him, rendering his Captain helpless.

He continued his research and hesitantly sat down in the captain's chair. It didn't feel right. This wasn't where he belonged. He'd been in this position before, even then something was off about it, but his brain supplied that the feeling was illogical. It didn't this time.

While searching for answers for hours on end his thoughts began to wander back to Jim. He wondered where Jim was, if he was safe, what he was doing, if anything had been done to him. The last was an abrupt thought cut short, for it summoned to many unwanted images.

His form became even more rigid, if possible, as his determination also steeled. He pushed forward with his efforts. I will get you back _T'hy'la_, he thought as he moved onto the next file.

***

The gurgled sound of someone blowing bubbles echoed throughout the hallway before it was followed by gasps and choking coughs for air.

The steel blue hand adorned with razor black nails pulled on the back of Jim's head as it pulled him out of the tank. Water rushed down the front of his face and spilled onto the rest of him as he coughed and gagged.

His cheeks were flushed from the bite of the ice cold water he had been ruthlessly dunked into. The pull on his blonde head started to cause a sharp pain to move down the back of his skull. A chill had begun to set into his bones from this treatment he'd been subjected to for the past hour or so.

If he talked he got dunked. If he didn't talk he got dunked. They were just looking for any reason now to do whatever they hell they wanted to him. No one had actually tried talking to him yet. He tried to wriggle free from the Herculean grasp and was again subjected to getting waterlogged. Apparently if he struggled he also got dunked.

After thirty seconds he was pulled back up, coughing violently again before sucking the snot back up his nose. His blue eyes had steadily become bloodshot.

The saltwater found a way into some of the other cuts he had accumulated and the sensation burned like hell. An icy fire crawled under his skin and he presumed it might have been an infection coming on. He was hauled up and led down a dank hallway to his cell. How long had he been here now? A month? He couldn't be certain.

He was thrown roughly into the back wall of the cell, cuffs automatically springing from the flat surface and binding him. His head hit the solid steel surface with a loud 'thunk' If that wasn't enough the force field around the whole damn thing was.

His chest heaved as he breathed in the humid air, the moisture in the air almost as bad as the feeling of his lungs being filled again. He slumped against the wall and tried out his restraints, somehow it always seemed to relieve him when they moved.

He rubbed at his eyes in a furious effort to relieve the itch, but nothing seemed to help and his shirt clung to his skin uncomfortably. Choking, he coughed up the water still in his throat before spitting it out to the side.

Jim remembered his capture clearly, Spock there, lying on the floor in front of him. He thanked whoever above that he was the target and not his First. Spock had been through too much already. He didn't need the treatment Jim had been getting.

This first month had been hell. Once he had woken up a second time, the first entailing in nothing but a hazy blink before something hard struck him in the head and knocked him out again, he was chained up in the room he was currently in now. Every day one or two guys would come by. Some spitting on him, some kicking him, some even had the audacity to throw sharp pointy objects at him, but one thing was constant, all of them had that same look of disgust on their faces.

Progressively, it had gotten worse. They would take him down the hall and shove his head in a tank of ice cold water for a couple of hours. Today had been less painful then usual, thank the heavens, but that probably meant something worse was on the horizon. One could never be too sure.

Bringing himself back to the present, he tucked his head between his knees in hopes of stopping the incessant pounding.

Suddenly, a different pounding was echoed off the walls in the hallways. The hard clunk of boots against the metal walkway was coming closer to Jim's cage. A gnarled hand punched a button to allow himself into the room.

The water dripped down Jim's face and descended the sharp line of his nose and onto the floor in front of his feet as he made it a point not to look up into the eyes of his captor.

The steel toed boots stopped in his line of vision, but he still didn't look up. He could feel the dark gaze on him as he sniffed some more. Without warning, a face came into view and he was roughly grabbed by the back of the neck and brought face to face with his captor.

" G'day boy," The alien said in a raspy voice, his accent reminiscent that of an Australian. He brought Jim's face closer to his own, his putrid breath ghosting over the Captain's cheek.

"I suppose you don't know why you're here, but I'll inform you real soon. You wanna' take a gander?" he asked his detainee. Kirk decided he wasn't going to crack. Why should he talk to these bastards if all they were going to do was practically drown him?

He reeled his head back, eyeing up those black pits for eyes and unceremoniously sucked all the snot out of his nose, gathering it in his mouth with a distinct sound that any boy could identify and spat directly into one of those unforgiving black pools, and all without any form of expression. Spock would be proud, maybe not about the hacking lugies thing, but his lack of emotion was all due to the influence of his First.

With his free hand, the alien wiped the spit free from his eye. He smiled, showing all of his teeth. Kirk was about to smirk until his head met the back of the wall. Stars swam across his vision and he let out a grunt.

Still all smiles, the shark-like creature leaned into Jim before whispering in his ear, "You're gonna' be a fun one aren't you? I like it when they struggle."

His hand found its way under Jim's shirt and he dug his black nails into the tender flesh there, raking them up the pale body.

The Captain gritted his teeth. He was not going to scream. No matter what, no matter how much pain, he would not give them the pleasure of hearing his pain.

"C'mon boy. Make some noise for me," the alien demanded as the sharp points dug deeper, nearly half of his long nails digging into the solid flesh of Jim's abdomen.

Was that a _whimper_ that escaped his throat? He couldn't tell, his ears were ringing so loudly now. He yelled out in a mixture of pain and shock, as the shark bit into his shoulder, leaving layers of open skin behind.

He slumped against his captor before being dropped to the floor. Jim's breathing was hard and escaped in gasps and short huffs as he looked up, his eyes full of hatred.

The shark wrinkled his nose and licked his thin, leathered lips. "Just give me what I want and it won't hurt… much," he explained as he brought a bloodied finger to his lips before his tongue flicked out and licked it.

Jim cringed at the act and also cringed from the pain in his bleeding side and shoulder.

"So no guesses boy? Or can I call you Jim?" The question earned the shark what could

only be described as a death glare.

"Jim it is. It appears the federation has been hiding us. We needed to make ourselves known again especially after our last little tizzy. So we figured let's start off the welcome wagon with a big surprise. Why not take the Fed's most important pawn? That'd be you love," he explained before stooping to Jim's level and squeezing his jaw in his meaty, bloodied hand.

Jim thrashed his head away as best as he could, but the act only served to make the grip on his jaw tighten. "That's right mate. You're their pawn and a political tool. Your only purpose is to appease the masses as the brash young Captain that was the hero of the _Narada_ incident along with his logical half-Vulcan First Officer. Never understood Vulcans, nasty buggers," he continued.

Jim glared harder, if possible. Insulting him was one thing but insulting his _T'hy'la_ was another. If they still were that is, after their last conversation. He hoped so, but he was beginning to have his doubts.

"I know all about you, Jim. Every lil' bit. You name it. By the time we give you back to Starfleet, they won't even want a broken Captain like you," he snarled out with a cackle.

"We may have also taken a peek inside your head while you were passed out. I can confirm all of your fears. I know that's what you want to know, how you and your dirty First Officer will have nothing if you're returned." Jim flinched from the harshness of his own conscious being thrown at him.

"Go to hell," he said with a cocky grin. That was quickly wiped off his face as a boot steeped painfully on his ankle, bending it in a direction it shouldn't face. His eyes nearly buldged out of his skull as he let out a low grunt.

That was…unpleasant, but nothing he couldn't handle. He slowly stood, most of his weight place on his other foot. "You can do whatever the hell you want to me," he stated as a smile spread across his face as he stepped closer, "But, don't ever talk about _**my**_ First like that!"

The Shark just chuckled and grabbed Jim by his natural blonde roots. "Oooohhhhhh. Those be some fightin' words Jimmy. Wanna' make something out of it?" he growled out.

Jim smirked, and out of nowhere his hand came up, punching the shark full on in the face, his restraints giving him enough room to move. The shark reeled back from the unexpected direct hit. Clawed hands shot up, covering a broken nose as it oozed blood onto his clothes and the floor.

A Cheshire grin bloomed across Jim's face. He felt good pulling one over on the enemy, sure his hand hurt like hell, but it was still great. No one was going to talk shit on Spock and get away with it. It didn't matter if it was directed at his First or Vulcans in general, Jim always got defensive and very protective of them all.

Still rubbing his nose the black eyes glowered at him, but he returned the look evenly.

What now tough guy? he thought to himself. He made to move forward as a hand wrapped around him and a knee was sent into his gut knocking the wind out of him.

The floor met him as he rolled onto his good side and clutched at his stomach, coughing and gasping, wanting more of the dank air to drown his lungs. After a moment he sat up and lunged for the thick stumps of legs, only to be rewarded with a face full of boot.

Grabbing the foot in his face, he twisted it bringing the Aussie shark down to his level. He gave another cocky grin that slowly turned sinister.

Not long after he was nabbed as claws dug into his shoulders. His forehead collided painfully with the other's tough hide, forcing his hands up to cup his now injured nose.

The shark inhaled deeply and pulled Jim flush against himself. "This is gonna' be a doozy. You might actually make it worth my while, Jim," he supplied, his accent thick and tinged with blood lust.

Jim struggled against him, finding the touch repulsive and revolting. "Don't touch me," he ground out through a clenched jaw.

The shark gave a wheezy laugh. It was reminiscent of one of Jim's mother's boyfriends that smoked three packs a day.

His captor ran a hand up his injured arm in a rough caress. Jim shuddered and flinched away. It wasn't a good shudder either, not like the ones his Vulcan First evoked from feather like touches and Vulcan kisses.

He was brought back to reality by a low gravelly voice, "Just do as I say Jimmy boy."

"Never," Jim spat back.

The soft touch was replaced with grappling hands which pulled him up roughly and uncomfortably close.

This species not only failed to provide dental, but they hadn't heard of breath mints either.

"Don't get smart with me if you know what's good for you," he responded lowly.

Kirk shook his head as the putrid breath was blown in his face.

"Then obviously you don't know me as well as you thought, you fu-" He was cut off as a claw wrapped around his neck, shoving him back into the wall.

This wasn't as bad compared to emotionally evoked Vulcan choking, but it was pretty far up there.

A sinister crack echoed throughout the hallways as his head met the with steel. His vision blanked for a second but the words that the other was saying came through.

"If you would just shut your godforsaken trap mate this wouldn't be as painful. Make me too angry and I might have to make a mess outta' you. So just play along for your own sake," he said in a mocking tone.

Jim was starting to get dizzy and his eyes involuntarily rolled to the back of his head as his body lulled to one side before a painful squeeze to his windpipe brought his attention back to his captor.

Blood began to crust under his nose and his wound had reopened on the back of his head, causing blood to smatter against the wall. Despite the protests and throbbing aches his body made he still stood his ground.

He was Captain James Tiberius Kirk. No way in hell was he going down without a fight.

With a sly grin he brought his bad leg up to knee the bastard and got it perfectly aimed in the dead center of the abdomen. He hit the other so hard that spit immediately flew out of the razor infested mouth.

However his grin then was instantly wiped off. He was flipped onto the floor, flat on his back. He was hit with a wave of nausea and bile climbed up his throat, only to burn on its way back down when it was reflexively swallowed.

The rising need to throw up again was resurrected as his hips were straddled by the enemy. He was brought face to face again by the hand on the back f his neck. "You think you're so smart trying to pull one over on old Jayce. Jimmy, that wasn't the right move. Since you want to make this more difficult, you helped solidify my plan of action," he said with a sensual undertone as he rolled his hips against Jim's.

Jim was unsure of whether the action was intentional. He couldn't exactly think straight seeing as he wanted to hurl right now anyways. The words finally registered. "What's that supposed to mean?" He coughed out.

"Oh nothing really." He leaned down to Jim's ear. "It's a good thing you're cute.

Otherwise this wouldn't be worth my while," He added in a low rumble.

Ok, Jim was convinced. This shark was out for more than blood, but he wasn't getting Jim's ass, even if his life depended on it.

Finding a well of strength from out of nowhere, Jim tangled their legs despite his injured ankle. He tripped the shark up and with a flip had him pinned to the ground beneath him. What made his stomach drop was the twisted grin he received. Ugh. The bastard liked this sort of thing.

All of his weight pushed down and with a hard shove, the chains clinking behind him, he snarled at the shark. "You aren't going to fucking _touch_ me! You understand!?" He yelled as spit dribbled down his chin. His eyes were dilated and his pulse had quickened from the adrenaline rush.

Little did he know while he was cutting off the shark's air supply, backup had come up behind him. He was immediately reeled back into the wall, the chains clanking as they rolled back.

Another object appeared and was clasped around his neck choking him until it was secured. Jayce got up off the floor dusting himself off as if nothing happened. "You naughty, naughty boy Jimmy. That one is going to cost you."

He sighed and stepped close to Jim digging his nails into his cheek. From afar it would have looked like a loving gesture, but in reality it just served to cause Jim even more pain.

Jim grunted as the pain from all of his injuries sung throughout his bones. Glaring, he gnashed his teeth together in an attempt to silence his screams but that only served to cause the nails to dig a little deeper.

He gasped for air as the collar around his neck sent an electrifying current throughout his body. His yell echoed throughout the halls before it was followed by a cackling sort of laughter.

"Any last words before we part ways Jimmy boy?" Jayce offered up while wrenching his hand away from Jim's face, streams of blood coming along with it.

Jim turned to him, and with a steel determination gave his most famous cocky grin. "Fuck you."

Jayce shook his head as he began to walk out of the room before turning the force field back on. "You're gonna' regret those words mate," he said with a dark chuckle.

Slumping back down to the floor, he eloquently spat and squeezed his eyes shut as he took his throbbing pains into account. It wasn't everyday he wrestled with a shark.

All the weight of the day came crashing down on him. He let out a gusty sigh and shivered from the cold, his clothes had dried, but there was still a cold that had settled in his bones. He laid down on the hard mattress on the floor and gave in to his thoughts.

He wanted nothing more right now than to be lying in the more than warm arms of his Vulcan first, in his quarters on the beautiful lady _Enterprise_.

Closing his eyes, he imagined just that with a light of hope, knowing that his first would be here to break him free very soon.

He'd be here in no time.

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A/N: Thanks again for reading. If you'd like leave me a review. 3


	4. Mad World

A/N: Oh wow. I'm sooo happy from all of the reviewing and alerting. This is so awesome. Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoy this chapter also. Yet again I must thank my delicious Spockista Fruitista. She's bomb. U_U Nuff said. Enjoy Ya'll.

Disclaimer: Come on! Surely by now you know I don't own the stuff.

Warning: Well, it might get kinda…tense again. That be all folks.

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Chapter Four: Mad World

_Two Months Later_

Jim sat on the floor, legs bent at the knee, arms at his sides and his head resting against the wall, lulled to the side. He had fallen asleep from the pure exhaustion of enduring the last shock he had received.

His muscles gave an involuntarily spasm and twitched in his dream inducing slumber. Sleep had been evading him constantly due to a muscle twitch or a reopened wound. The shock collar that had been placed around his neck was quickly becoming his own personal nightmare.

Dreams were cut short when a bucket of water was thrown in his face. The salt water stung in Jim's eyes before the collar went off. The Captain's screams were ten-fold in volume compared to the usual shock.

"Mornin' sweetheart, " Jayce greeted.

Jim cringed away, water rolling off his hair as his head jerked away. He was hoisted to his feet and swayed in the muscular grip; his legs still like gello from the last jolt to his body.

Jim's neck felt raw and fried and the smell of burnt skin permeated the air. Inwardly, he grimaced, that couldn't be good.

There was still no sign of the half Vulcan, Spock and Jim wasn't sure what to make of that. The Captain could only keep fighting for so long. He was beginning to wear down and tire. Not that he'd admit to that out loud or anything.

Kirk's assumption had been proven correct when the dunking ceased; the small reprieve had only led to far worse forms of torture and water being thrown in his face.

After the drowning it became a struggle of combative sorts. The Aussie would come by every so often and would talk shit just to provoke Jim, which he tended to exceed at. Sadly, Jim had only been able to cause minimal damage in return to Jayce's provocations.

To say Jayce was strong was an understatement. He was the equivalent of Spock, but seeing as his build was not as svelte as the Vulcan's and he actually used his brute strength…he was _nothing_ like Spock.

He was shocked out of his conclusion as another jolt brought him back to the harshness of reality.

"I knew you were thinking about him," Jayce murmured near Jim's ear none-too-happy. He raked his nails down Jim's chest, under his torn and bloodied uniform. What was the point of having it on anymore? Strips of cloth sure as hell couldn't keep him warm now.

Jim's jaw clenched and something of a hiss escaped his mouth through his teeth.

"Come on, love. Don't do this today," The shark murmured, faking sympathy for his own actions. His words were, of course, the biggest load of _bullshit_ Jim had ever heard and that was saying something, having seen some of the guys his mom brought home.

Jim used the restraints on his arms to his advantage. Holding up the upper half of his body by his wrists, he kicked out both legs and struck Jayce in the throat. The shark reeled back while coughing and grasped at the injured body part.

"Surprise, surprise, Jimmy boy still has some fight left in him, but I'll fix that," he said lowly, smirking after he recovered.

Jim's growl was guttural. "I already told you, you aren't going to fucking touch me! I'm sure as hell not your fucking _love_ or _sweetheart_, you bastard!" he said the words in his own rendition of an Australian accent imitating the idiot before him.

Poor Jim was again shocked and the pain of it made him crumple to the floor. His muscles, again, twitched uncontrollably. The tics were starting to get worse. Bones would have quite a mess on his hands when he got back…that's if he got back.

He stared down with a solemn smile on his face at the thought of his constantly yelling but strangely loveable CMO. However, that was cut short as he was yanked up and with a clatter; the chains unceremoniously fell to the floor as he was released.

Then the thrum of the force field died down as that too, was turned off. Confusion set into the pale blue eyes as his eyebrows knitted together. This was certainly new, but it sure as hell wasn't comforting.

Jayce then pulled a Houdini and produced a new weapon. A nine tailed whip.

Well, this couldn't be good.

Jayce put it behind his back as he started to explain, "You and I are gonna' play a lil game, Jimmy. You will have the run of the ship, but when I catch you, if I do, then it's over. But if I give up before then I won't harm you _as much _this month." By the end of his explanation there was a glint in his eye.

Jim simply glared.

"Don't waste any time. You've got a 15 minute head start. Better get goin' boy. Time's a tickin," he said before examining Jim like he was a piece of meat.

Hearing the prospect, Jim couldn't refuse. So without much thought he took off like a greyhound out of the gate and ran with a slight glimmer of hope that he could somehow get a bit of relief out of this.

With his mind running as fast as his legs, he continued twisting and turning down hallways and corridors he'd never seen before. The ship seemed like it went on forever, every hallway leading to another set of hallways.

He narrowly missed another shark type creature, but rolled to the side and skidded before returning to his feet and went around -yet again -another corner. His marathon continued up a flight of stairs.

His chest was heaving with every hard breath he took. He'd never run so fast before in his life. There was that one time with the cops…but even then it wasn't like _this_.

Once up the stairs, after tripping on a few, he rounded another bend. He quickly realized these halls were a lot emptier than the others, which was all in all, a positive. The last thing Jim needed was some freaky shark creature telling Jayce where he was hiding.

He'd estimated that it had been about ten minutes since he started and he was already out of breath. His heart hammered inside his chest as he gulped down the humid air. Slowly he slid down the wall and dropped onto the floor.

He felt dizzy and he leaned his head back to try and take a moment to calm down, only for his head to shoot forward as he emptied his stomach of the small amount of contents it held.

Shaking his head, he took off his shirts since they no longer served a purpose. He wiped his mouth clean with the material and was about to drop it to the floor but froze.

Looking around and taking in his surroundings, he realized there was nowhere to dispose of the clothing. He thought of throwing it one way and to go another, but where?

Jim recalled the time he was late for a class at the academy and didn't want to get picked up in one of the hall sweeps. He had managed to shimmy himself into the ventilation system and drop into the back of the class.

He looked up and it must have been a sign of some sort, because right above his head was a vent. He thanked his lucky celestial stars that he was given a chance for escape.

Determination swelled in his chest along with the adrenaline as his heart beat relentlessly in his chest.

Using a rail on the wall, he jumped up and knocked the screen out of the way. Springing up again, he grabbed the edges of the tube and shimmied his way up. Figuring he was safer, he relaxed again to catch his breath.

Jim let his mind wander to his First Officer. _Spock, where the hell are you? _His heart gave a painful squeeze as he acknowledged the Vulcan. He desperately wanted to get back to the ship, but more importantly to his _T'hy'la_. He needed him. Sure, that wasn't the most elegant way to put it, but Jim wasn't known for elegance.

He recalled the fight they were having before they left. He made accusations at Spock and belittled him in his fit of anticipation and dread. He smacked his head and let out a gusty sigh. "Damn, I'm an idiot," he murmured to himself.

He heard the clanking of boots underneath him before he saw the top of Jayce's fin head, only able to identify him by the weapon in his hand.

"I know you're around here somewhere Jimmy boy," the shark said aloud.

"_I can smell you_," he added in a husky drunken tone.

Jayce then followed the faint scent of the bloodied shirts, never even giving the ceiling the faintest look.

Jim let out a breath he didn't realize he had been holding in. As quietly as he could, he crawled along the vent in the opposite direction of his torturer. He came to a fork in the system and took the closest path.

Almost immediately he regretted it. The path he took was filled to the brim with dust and grime. This was possibly an older part of the ship and that was a plus, considering no one probably came around where he was.

At the other end of the ship, a loud disgruntled yell could be heard along with what were probably curses in a foreign tongue.

_Oh shit. He found the shirt_, Kirk thought as he crawled into a narrower tube that was like a cave in every sense of the word, minus the stalactites and stalagmites.

Jim was crawling too fast as he tried to remember the last turn he'd taken, it was all starting to look the same. He miss-stepped and wound up falling through an opening that didn't have a cover. He clamped his mouth shut after the slightest yelp escaped at the impact.

He'd crashed onto the floor on his back and heard something thud that was only made louder by the echoing hall. Luckily it was one of the lower tubes he was dispensed from…

He let out a groan as he rolled over. His messy hair swished as he shook his head and caught sight of something grinning back at him.

No. Fucking. Way. In. Hell.

"Found you," Jayce practically sang with a wicked grin.

Jim's blue eyes expanded as he let out a gasp and booked it in the opposite direction despite his protesting back. He stumbled but his agility was better than the Shark's.

He sprinted down the next corridor only to get tripped up by a wire set as a trap and landed flat on his face.

_Fuck that hurt. What an asshole! That was totally cheating_, Jim thought while trying to get up.

His ankle was grabbed by the aquatic creature and Jim tried with all his might to kick and flail free of the predator that had caught hold of him.

"Fuck no! Let me go you asshole! You cheating bastard sonuvabitch!" he yelled out as his nails scraped against the floor in a sound reminiscent of nails to a chalkboard. Freeing his legs, he landed a kick to Jayce's jaw and was rewarded with a sickening crack.

The shark reeled back, releasing the other leg as he held his face and let out a yowl of pain. However, the yell slowly morphed into a growl as he stalked after the running man. Jim looked back as he ran only to see Jayce was gone.

Undaunted, he continued forward until the shark jumped out at him like something from an old horror movie.

Jim skidded to a halt and backtracked.

He was tired, on the verge of collapse, but he continued this ridiculous game in hopes of possibly getting a break. It was useless, but that didn't stop him. He didn't believe in no win scenarios.

Turning around, he pushed his muscles beyond their usual use. Jayce was, surprisingly, beginning to tire as well.

A light sheen of sweat covered Jim's body as he twisted down another hall only to be confronted with a dead end.

Physics would predict by the speed Jim was going, it was inevitable that his face would meet the wall. Well, Physics won that bet. He crumpled to the floor on impact and exhaustion started to ebb in his body, just as Jayce rounded on him like a predator.

The muscles in the Captain's body gave a hard twitch as he was dragged across the floor and into another room. He still shouted, but it was ignored, his thrashing limbs now in the clutch of razor sharp claws.

Jim was hauled up and shoved onto a hard slab of a table. He went to kick but his bad ankle was caught and twisted slightly, making him yell out profanities

He was turned onto his stomach and strapped down. Always with the binding, chains, meta, straps, leather, shackles, all things meant to disable him.

He was brought out of his thoughts as there was a rough caress that trailed up his back before it was replaced with the crack of the whip.

Jim's scream was surely heard throughout the whole ship. The tool of torture was as deceitful as the owner. The small round tips had produced spikes that dug into Jim's back, biting at his flesh as a jolt went straight to his spinal cord.

Then the spikes were ripped free, pulling chunks of flesh out with them and Jim heard the pieces sloppily hit the floor through all the noise he was making.

"Damn shame Jimmy boy," Jayce murmured as he repeated the action. Red ribbons spurted from Jim's back as it was flung back again after sending an even more painful shock.

It stilled for a moment, as something wet came in contact with his skin before the pain of something razor sharp on in his skin replaced the feeling.

"Get _**OFF**_ of me!" he yelled out, trying to move though it was useless due to the restraints.

"Why should I? Dirty boys like you deserve punishment. The things you do under the Federation's nose. You practically get away with murder. And for what? Because of the fact that your daddy died honorably and you never knew him? You were the perfect _tool _to be a Captain. What would George think of you now? Would he be proud of a son that got himself into such a situation all because he didn't listen to his First Officer? Not to mention the fact he's sleeping with him," He said in Jim's ear.

Jim squeezed his eyes shut at the mention of his Father's name.

"Don't talk about my father. Or Spock. They have nothing to do with this," he ground out through the pain.

"On the contrary Jimmy. They make you squirm. Apparently just saying old daddy's name gets you riled up. I wonder what would happen if I mentioned how terrible he was at being a captain?" Jayce continued while stepping back.

Before Jim could retort with anything he was sent into another wave of pain as the whip cracked again and dug into his skin.

A shudder ran through his entire frame as he twitched uncontrollably.

"You don't know _**anything**_ about my father. He saved my life," Jim ground out as the smallest sound of a whimper escaped his throat.

The crackle of the deadly energy became a part of him once more and flowed through him, echoing off the empty walls. His eyes squeezed shut as tears sprung to the corners, but he blinked them back and gritted his teeth.

"Why can't you just give it up already? Hmm?" Jayce asked

"Not on your fucking life," Jim spat back, but despite the rebuttal he began to wonder…

Chest heaving with every deep erratic breath he took, he began to try and think through the pain. What was the point of fighting anymore if all he was going to do was be reduced to nothing but skin and bones? He hoped Spock would come soon, but that thought was slowly starting to fade along with his will.

With another painful shout, blood oozed down and spilled onto the floor as the electric flow was upped, creating a river that dripped into a gutter, before his skin was spliced and fried once more.

After that he blacked out.

***

Spock stood with his hand folded behind his back. They were starting to turn into clenched fists from the rather extensive conversation he'd been having with Admiral Fitzgerald.

Spock was beginning to see how Jim easily came to illogical conclusions about Starfleet being against him.

"I do not understand why we would cease searching for the captain considering the fact that he is still missing," Spock replied, his eyes showing the faintest glint frustration from this run-around he'd had with the admiral.

"Spock, it has been two months already. If he hasn't been found by now, we can't keep up this ridiculous charade that he will be found eventually. The Enterprise has other missions to fulfill other finding a lost Captain," he answered, frowning a bit at the Vulcan.

Spock raised a brow before slowly rounding on the Admiral. "The exact words of Starfleet were, and I quote; 'We will not rest until we find Captain James T. Kirk. He is one of our best Captains and we will see to it that we get him back. The Enterprise will have no further assignments until the Captain is found."

The Vulcan's head tilted upward slightly, giving his stoic face an air of condescension.

Before he continued he stepped closer, noting that Jim had done it at time in a method of intimidation. "Seeing as I am second in command, now first, it is my duty to see to it that we retrieve the Captain and return him safely to his rightful position. Surely Starfleet is not retracting their public wide announcement that assured many the Captain would be found?"

The admiral's eyes widened marginally as his mouth did a series of openings and closings like an animal out of water.

He was flabbergasted to say the least. "Well, uh we…"

"You what, sir? You were planning on stranding a Captain in the middle of space and leave him in enemy hands? The fact that only two months has passed is what is preventing the further search for Captain Kirk? This is highly illogical," He continued, his eyes squinting slightly, an action which Jim had deciphered as Spock's silent way of showing he was angry.

Fitzgerald gave a hearty sigh and ran a hand through his silvered hair. Walking over to his desk, he picked up a PADD and started writing.

Spock raised both brows as he waited for a response. "You're gonna' get me in a lot of trouble if you don't do this right."

"To what are you referring, sir?" he asked, a brow shooting skyward.

"If you want to get Kirk back, the most I can give you is another month unless you find evidence. That will be able to extend the length of time you have to search for him."

"Yes, I am quite aware of the regulations, but what is it that could, get you into trouble, as you say, if I do not perform the task adequately?"

"If you described the aliens that took Jim and their vessel correctly, then we have data on them. The only problem is that it's classified. So I can't exactly give it to you."

"Then the only possible means for me to obtain this would be to steal it?"

"Yes."

A brow quirked as Spock came to his conclusion. "I see."

With a nod, the Admiral wrote a room number down on the data pad and handed it to Spock.

"Everything you need to know on how to access the information is in there, including maps on how to get to such a place. I suggest you take extra caution considering that this goes against everything we should be doing right now."

Spock inclined his head slightly in understanding.

"I will see to it that I leave no trail behind that will be traced back to you, Admiral. Indeed, at possibility of capture I will turn myself into the proper authorities," he responded quietly, his face never changing.

With another inclination of his head, the Admiral saw Spock to the door and returned to his desk shaking his head and wondering what on Earth he'd just done.

Spock reviewed the data pad and went en route to retrieve the information he needed.

Traveling the long hallway, he went through a series of doors which the map had directed him to. Finally, he arrived at the desired entrance.

Scrolling to the next page on the digital paper, he observed the information until pausing at the proper override code for the door. He rattled out the numbers in neutral tones before the silver door whooshed open.

Looking around, he realized that the sheer amount of filing cases hindered his knowledge on where to start. It would appear that the entirety of the room was used to hold classified information, had Spock been completely human, sheer curiosity may have caused him to wonder upon how many more rooms there were like this in the confines of Starfleet.

Spock looked over the PADD an additional time and efficiently deciphered the location of the information he sought.

Unfortunately, it wasn't as lengthy and extensive as he had predicted. He efficiently copied all of the information to the PADD before calmly placing the items back to their proper places and getting himself back to the _Enterprise_ to continue his search for Jim.

Spock would not rest until he found his beloved Captain. Luckily, he now had the right tools to do so and a list of locations where the shark like creatures' ships rested on occasion.

With a bit of hope, he returned to the ship and took command, giving Chekov the coordinates for the first stop on the short list.

_I will get you back T'hy'la, _he thought to himself as he settled into the Captain's chair.

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A/N: Hope you liked it. Reviews much appreciated, along with reading.


	5. Die, Die My Darling

A/N: Thank you once more for all of your lovely reviews. I'm so glad you have kept with me through this fiction. And thank you to all of those that alert and favorite it. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Thank you Miss. Spockista Fruittista. None of this would be possible without you. Love ya lots hun! Happy reading.

Disclaimer: *sigh* If only, if only. (Don't own Star Trek)

Warning:This story is rated M for a reason and this chapter is not for the faint of heart.

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Chapter Five: I'm About To Break

_Three Months Later_

Spock once again beamed back aboard the ship after yet another failure at finding Jim on one of the listed planets he has procured.

Due to Spock's Vulcan efficiency and his own determination, the crew of the Enterprise was already halfway through visiting the list of planets and there had been neither any sign of the aliens or Jim in recent times.

To say that Spock was about ready to have an emotional outburst at the consistent failures would be a correct assessment. A feeling of hopelessness was starting to chip at his cool, neutral armor.

With a slight downward turn of his lips, he headed for the turbo lift and up to his quarters in silence. In truth, he should have headed towards the mess hall, as he did require nourishment, but then again, why should he eat when he did not know if Jim could do the same?

Sitting down, he took a deep breath of the humid air that made up his quarters. Little did he know that a CMO and a meddling lieutenant were outside his quarters.

Bones rolled his eyes to the ceiling and crossed his arms. "I don't think he's in the mood to be bothered right now," he explained again to Uhura.

"We're not bothering. I think he needs company right now. Have you seen him lately? He looks depressed Bones."

"You do realize he actually doesn't look much of anything? He is a Vulcan."

It was her turn to roll her eyes at the frowning doctor. "You know what I mean. He's been more closed off since the Captain was taken. Being extra Vulcan is his way of showing it. Besides, we're his friends, it's our job to help him."

Nodding, Bones relented slightly; she did have a point about the Vulcan part, but on the other hand… "I still don't want you going in there and bugging him!" he said in a low hiss. He turned on his heel and began to walk away when Uhura grabbed the back of his uniform rather roughly.

"Oh no you don't!" She shook her finger at him. "You aren't getting out of this. It's 'we' buddy not I."

Bones was about to make another protest when Uhura hit the chime. Letting out a defeated sigh, seeing as he was still held by the back of his shirt, he had no choice but to wait alongside the Communications Officer.

Spock was snapped out of his thoughts at the sound and nearly furrowed his brow; he had not been expecting company.

Indeed, he had assumed no one would attempt to try and converse with him being as he was, sending off "fuck off" waves, as Jim would say.

Nonetheless, he got up to answer the door and much to his surprise, saw Nyota and Doctor McCoy on the other side. He inclined his head toward both of them. "McCoy, Nyota, to what do I owe you for this visit?" he asked in a voice of professional neutrality.

Bones shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose which in turn caused him to have his foot stepped on. He let out a rough grunt as Uhura smiled sweetly at Spock and took over. "You don't owe us anything, we were just wondering if you wanted to join us in the mess to grab a quick bite to eat. You must be hungry since you just got back beamed back up."

Spock looked them both over with his dark gaze. After a moment, he inclined his head and was about to speak but was cut off by Uhura, "Oh good, well let's be off."

Spock's brows knitted together as he was more or less hauled off by Uhura. He tensed at her touch before pulling away slightly and walking of his own accord.

They entered the bustle of the cafeteria and silently procured their meals, eating in an uncomfortable silence for the first half of the meal.

Of course, that only served to further agitate Uhura, whose point had been to lighten the mood and to get Spock talking, not to let him continue on sulking, Vulcan style. Pursing her lips, she tried to think of topics to talk about, but almost all of them mentioned the Captain.

This was proving to be more difficult than she thought, so she opted for just not using the words Captain, Jim, or Kirk.

Spock should be able to voice his opinions, especially if it was just the three of them. With a nod she finally tried to engage the Vulcan in conversation, "So how many planets do we have left to knock down?"

Bones mumbled something about meddling women which he was shortly rewarded for with a kick in the shin under the table. "Jesus," he exclaimed while rubbing his leg.

Spock raised his brow at the Doctor at his sudden and illogical use of a deity's name before turning to Uhura. "We have exactly three planets left to investigate, two of which are relatively close to each other, with the exception of the last, which even at our current warp would take us another month to get to."

Bones decided to join in so he didn't obtain any other injuries. "That shouldn't be a problem. Hell, maybe we should take a crack at it from the opposite direction." he added with enthusiasm.

Spock looked towards Bones, both of his brows arching. "You pose an interesting suggestion doctor."

"Damn right I-wait, what?"

"It is a factor I will have to consider. In analyzing the data, it appears the _Aquarion _has a set schedule in terms of picking up and dropping off deliveries to other planets though none of the planets' occupants were at liberty to say what such cargo was. We might attempt to try to assume where their next location is, but that is proving more difficult."

A slight pull came to the Vulcan's lips at the inevitability of the situation being out of his hands.

"Meaning, if we timed it right, we'd be able to get Jim back from these sleezeballs?"

Uhura frowned, so much for omitting Jim's name from the conversation.

"I may be proven incorrect regarding this entire aspect. It is merely a thought produced from analyzing the data, there is no actual way to prove or disprove this theory at the moment. My calculations could be off by several months."

Bones nodded catching onto the idea. Uhura let out a sigh.

"If you ask me, I say it's worth a shot. Go to the farthest one on the list and work your way back through." Finishing his thought with a nod, Bones then departed from the table, carefully avoiding Uhura's eye the entire way out of the mess hall.

With one last look at his barely touched food, Spock got up as well. Unwilling to see him to leave just yet, Nyota rose as well and fell in step with the First Officer.

They both headed for the turbo lift in silence, Spock was left to his thoughts for a moment until it was interrupted by arms being swiftly wrapped around him.

He tensed from the unexpected contact, and was about to speak but was cut off as a pair of soft, lush lips pressed against his own then to his cheek and further down his jaw.

Spock's stature became nigh statuesque before he rigidly removed Uhura from his person.

She gave him a puzzled look, brows furrowed together. She knew they weren't a couple anymore, but she was only trying to offer him a sense of comfort that any man would appreciate.

"Nyota, I cannot," he stated simply, meeting eyes with her for a mere second before looking away.

"And why not Spock? You're upset and you need someone right now, and I'm tired of sitting here and watching you close yourself off because the Captain is gone. I know he was your friend but-"

It was now her turn to be cut short. "While I appreciate the offer, I cannot accept your proposal. Already, we have attempted this, only to end in failure. I do not wish to repeat a failed experiment."

The mention of the split stung a little, but she just figured Spock needed time. "This is different. I'm not asking for anything in return," she replied just as the door slid open.

Before exiting Spock turned to her a grim look on his face as his black pools met her own chocolate pair. "I have other obligations," he stated simply as he turned on his heel and headed for his quarters and towards another night of restless worry.

She slumped against the rear of the Turbo-lift as his words churned over in her head. She knew he was upset about Jim being gone. They were close. It seemed like at times they were attached at the hip. A very invisible hip since Spock never really was one for contact…except Jim was allowed to break that rule.

"_I have other obligations."_

Her eyes widened marginally as realization hit her like a train wreck.

Spock…and _Jim_? For how long? How had she not realized this sooner? She knew that wasn't why _they_ broke up. That much was clear.

And yet another reason that was now as clear as a blue sky was why Spock was more than upset. Jim was the obligation. She shook her head in embarrassment from her display.

She'd have to apologize later.

She marveled at the realization for a bit. What could she say? She was curious. How did such a relationship work out? Letting out a chuckle, she finally exited the turbo lift to head to her quarters.

Surprisingly the realization hadn't angered her in the least. If anything it made her want to push forward and find their Captain even further.

Before anything else, Spock was her friend. He still needed help and comfort, just not the kind she had been offering. With that thought, she turned in for the night.

***

Jim pealed himself off the mattress, his decimated back sticking to it. He hissed in pain and settled his back against the cool steel wall. The floggings continued once every week, making new craters in his back after the old ones barely healed.

He slid down the wall as blood smeared the cool silver.

He was tired.

The fight for his life was getting harder with each passing month. It almost made him want to throw in the towel…_Almost._

Suicide tried to tempt him and lure him into submission like it once did many years ago, when he was heading toward that cliff.

Yet, suicide had not won over him because he remembered the person he had to live for.

_Spock_, he thought solemnly.

His muscles gave a hard jerk out of reflex although Jim no longer had the collar, his subconscious now supplied the shock.

Jayce. The bastard was crafty; he'd give him that, but nothing else.

His mind wandered back to Spock.

Even if he didn't make it out of this, as long as his _T'hy'la _was alright he'd be okay with

it. For all Jim knew Spock, could have been perfectly fine with his absence. Of course, he selfishly hoped he wasn't fine but then immediately felt guilty afterwards.

The wave of helplessness that came on was hard to fight off, but he tried to remain positive, but it was no small feat.

Like he had mentioned before, if and when he got out of this he had someone to keep his heart beating.

He let out a breath he had been holding and ran a hand through his matted hair.

Escape plans seemed useless considering there was _nowhere_ to escape _to_. Kirk was lost in thought as the ship quivered beneath his feet. The leatherheads that had been guarding the door began to talk while he eavesdropped.

One stretched while speaking, "Finally a proper shore leave."

"But aren't we getting supplies?" a younger looking one asked.

"Well, yeah but it's gonna' be a while since we're updating the ship as well."

The other nodded, following along. They walked off not noticing their detainee had perked up. If he could somehow make it off the ship…a small glimmer of hope and a plan began to formulate. _I will get back to you, Spock_, he thought as his heart gave a painful squeeze in his chest.

The familiar clunk of heavy boots filled his ears and he tensed up. Rising up off the floor, the chains made their own whine as they hung and weighed down his arms.

As his captor entered the room, Jim gave him his most severe look which was enhanced by the purplish bags under his eyes and the beard he was starting to sport.

Jayce came in with a toothy grin on his face. The Aussie sauntered over to Jim and once again unlocked his shackles making him glare. He'd just gotten beaten yesterday, what the hell did he want now?

Grabbing Jim by the back of his neck he yanked him forward and out of his cell. "Let's go for a little walk, shall we?"

Jim flinched away and gritted his teeth. Jayce's other hand had somehow clasped together Jim's arms behind his back in a vice-like grip. Realizing his position, Jim growled and in turn, Jayce increased the pressure on his neck.

"We're gonna' have fun tonight Jimmy," he rumbled into Jim's ear.

They entered a turbo lift and were pushed up to another deck, Jim growing more antsy as time progressed. With another muscle twitch, he was thrown into another room that looked to be Jayce's quarters. The room had the same blue and grey motif the rest of the ship did but it was depressing for Jim, the color blue just hit too close to home for him.

While he was looking around, he was shoved onto the bed and unpleasantly straddled. The words that were said in the Captain's ear in the hallway finally registered.

"What's the one thing you told me not to do?" Jayce whispered.

"_**No**_," Jim forced out in a dangerous hush.

"Yes," The shark simply retorted, cock hardening as he pressed down into Jim.

He pushed at the shark only to have his hands caught and fastened to the rungs in the headboard with cuffs.

Jim couldn't believe this was happening. As soon as he tried to kick his legs, his pants were yanked off, exposing his battered and beaten body, and without further notice his ankles were slammed into restraints as well.

Panic began to set in as Jayce roughly caressed his cheek. "Don't do this. I'll take whatever torture you want. Not this. I can't," he pleaded his eyes dilated and his chest heaving from fear.

"That boat's sailed Jimmy. You're already dirtied. No sense in living like you aren't. I'm just going to give you what you deserve."

Jim furiously shook his head. "No! I-I won't let you! You can't," he yelled, his heart thudding in his ears.

Jayce leaned down to whisper in Jim's ear. "Watch me."

Jim screwed his eyes shut, hoping this was just some ridiculous nightmare he was having.

Jayce hopped off him to strip down to nothing before he walked back over to Jim and raked his nails down his inner thighs.

Jim squirmed and gnashed his teeth. "Stop," he let out with a small whimper as the hand moved up to his own flaccid member and gripped it tightly.

"Time to put you in your place," the shark growled out as his hand jerked up Jim's shaft making him squirm and try and close his legs on the intruding hand.

J

ayce once again took the liberty of straddling Jim's hips as he pressed down into him and began to grind against the warm flesh. The uncomfortable friction made bile rise into his

Jim's throat. "Stop. Please. Don't do this," he pleaded again.

Jayce just shook his head and shoved Jim's lips against his, making him scream in his mouth. He tried to bit the offending lips but razor sharp teeth grazed his own in a warning as a slippery tongue slipped into his mouth. He cried out, but it was muffled by the large muscle.

He thought about Spock and that, immediately felt like a betrayal. "He's not going to want you, when I'm through with you," Jayce gasped out as he ground down into Jim. Jim's eyes screwed shut as he clamped his mouth shut.

Something hard nudged at his entrance. His eyes widened even more, if possible. "Fuck no! There's no- " He was cut off as teeth bit into his neck, a revolting contrast to the love bites of his Vulcan First.

Jim screamed. He tried to wriggle away but the chains weren't going to let him go anywhere anytime soon and neither was his captor.

Blood dribbled down his neck from the fresh wound. He cried out like a wounded animal as his entrance was torn open to accommodate such a foreign object. His body quivered as tears collected at the corners of his eyes before slipping down his thinning cheeks.

He refused to move but the bastard pushed in anyways. In one jerky move, he was filled to the hilt, tearing Jim up from the inside. His screams echoed off the hollow walls as the Shark set a rough pace.

Jim shook his head and tensed up as more tears spilled. "Stop! I can't fucking do this! I-he broke off as another yell bubbled up with more bile before he swallowed it back down.

This was dirty, Jayce had a point. There was no way he could go back to Spock, or being a Captain. It was over. His life was over as he knew it. There was nothing he could do.

On a particular hard thrust he heard the muscles tear again as blood began to seep out and stain the sheets and sheathe the unbelievably hard dick inside of him.

"He doesn't love you. Vulcan's don't know how to anyways," Jayce supplied.

Jim couldn't speak as hard gasps for air pushed through and he shook his head. His body shook, wanting to refuse what was in him.

"Now you won't have to worry about it. I'm doing you a favor," He said, thrusting harder into Jim pulling nearly all the way out, spilling crimson and slamming back in.

Jim clamped his mouth shut but that didn't silence his cries. He was drowning from the sheer pain, his body wanted to give in but with each slam he was re-awoken.

"Starfleet won't take you back either. They'll strip you of your Captainship," the shark groaned with a thrust, smirking at the sound of Jim's hoarse scream.

"You're useless," he grunted in Jim's ear and licked it.

Jim lost it.

His mind reeled and his sanity shattered. His frame shuddered and he let out the longest, loudest scream he possibly had ever heard come from his own mouth. He'd be shocked if the whole quadrant didn't hear.

He gasped for air and began to hyperventilate. The Captain's heart sped up to dangerous speeds as he couldn't quite fill his lungs with air.

"No," he whispered. He kept repeating the word as Jayce found his release and came inside Jim, his seed mingling with the blood before abruptly pulled out and giving Jim another rough, unreturned kiss.

Jim screwed his eyes shut but no sound came out of his mouth. Jayce pulled away to clean himself up and put his clothes back on without a second glance at Jim.

He unlocked the chains and shoved Jim's pants back on over his bloody and injured form. Jim was barely able to stand and so he was dragged back to his old cell. They walked the halls in silence and Jim's mind was elsewhere.

He had gone into some sort of lockdown. His brain was trying to protect him, but he knew that would soon be gone as well.

He could barely walk being as he was torn apart from the inside. His muscles twitched as his back hit the bloodied wall of the cell. The chains were placed back on his wrists.

He barely remembered any of it in his dazed state

.

He slumped down onto his bed and curled up into a ball on his side.

Captain James T. Kirk was done. Captain James T. Kirk was broken and unable to function. Captain James T. Kirk…was dead.

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A/N: Alright. That's the worst of it. U_U I hope the writing was good and you still liked it. Reviews would be great. thank you for reading.


	6. Skin and Bones

A/N: OMG. Holy fish paste Green Hornet! You reviewers and alerters make miso happi. ;_; I hope you like the new chapter. My thanks goes to my beta Miss Spockistsa Fruitista, because she's awesome like that and makes my writing all nice and shiny. This story wouldn't be what it is without her. Thanks again.

Disclaimer: *sigh* Do I have to put this every time? I do not own Star Trek.

Warning: Uh, there's nothing really. Unless you count Jim being one big ball of crazy as something.

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Skin and Bones

_Four months later_

It was official.

Jim was done.

Something had busted in his brain and made his last shred of hope disintegrate. Jayce hadn't come back to bug him, but that wasn't necessary. His mind supplied ample amount of torture for himself.

His head pounded as Spock crouched down next to him, looking perfectly composed and balanced on the balls of his feet. A hand reached out to caress Jim's stubbly, dirty and blood streaked cheek. The pale thumb trailed over his cracked bottom lip and caused him to flinch and screw his eyes shut.

"Why, Jim?" the cool and neutral voice asked before continuing, "You could have made him halt his actions. You did not expel such efforts or even make such an attempt."

Spock's gentle hand turned into a painful grasp. Searing heat began to burn his face. "I'm sorry," he croaked out, his throat tightening as hot tears pricked at the back of his eyes.

"I shall return the favor," Spock said evenly without so much as batting an eyelash.

Jim nodded, unsure of what Spock meant while a phaser was pressed against his temple. The Vulcan leaned into him, his lips ghosting over Jim's dry pair, stealing the human's breath away as the First Officer disappeared and the gun fired off.

He blinked away the illusion as he tried to catch his breath, slumping against the wall before forcefully shutting his eyes closed. However, they opened at the sound of light footsteps before yet another Spock appeared.

He sat down next to the delusional Captain and pulled him into his lap against his chest.

"This has to stop," Jim rasped out.

His heart felt like someone had taken a hammer to it. Warm arms wrapped around him as he was pulled into the Vulcan's lap before a cheek came to rest on top of his blonde head.

"To what are you referring, Jim?" he asked, pulling the shell of a man closer.

"I know you're not real," Jim replied with a flinch as sensitive fingers ran over sores, scabs, and scars.

"That is a most illogical assessment."

Kirk's voice was on the edge of hysteria. "Is it?! I can't tell anymore!"

Tremors ran through his frame as Spock held him at arm's length; reminiscent of the night he was captured, to study his face before responding, "Would I lie or deceive you, Jim?"

The man in question gave the half Vulcan a skeptical look. He was tired of trying to figure out which way was up. This was better than thinking about reality…His muscles gave a hard twitch as images broke through the floodgate in his mind.

The same warm hands continued their imaginary petting as Jim relaxed slightly and his eyes once again drifted closed in peace.

The fictional embrace loosened shortly thereafter, as grabby hands and Jayce splitting him open filled his senses. When he hit the mattress he let out an anguished cry.

This was hell.

***

Spock was arguing for more time to find Jim. The Vulcan wouldn't have labeled it as arguing of course, but the rest of the crew sure as hell did.

"Your assumption is highly illogical. We have been relentless in our search for the fallen Captain, as well as rotating the crew if need be to keep up our efforts," he relayed to the screen while arching a brow and folding his arms behind his back.

"Yes, Spock, we understand but if he hasn't been found by now we might as well consider him dead…" he trailed off at the barely concealed glares he received from that statement. The tension in such a small space was thicker than beach fog.

With the skin around his eyes tightening slightly, Spock took a step away from the screen and straightened out the already perfect lines of his body.

"Your belief in the Captain's capability to take care of himself is staggeringly low. Unless there is something you know that we do not?" he asked, leveling his gaze at the screen.

This in turn caused the admiral to go red in the face and begin to stutter.

They had almost reached their destination and Spock was fairly sure Jim was here. In fact, he was, as the humans would say, "banking" on it.

With the entirety of the crew wholly determined to save the Captain, the Enterprise had checked every possible site except for one. As long as Spock could distract the Admiral or get him to agree to his terms, they would have enough time to dock at the last station and continue the search for Jim.

"Your lack of coherent speech tells me that there is some information that you refuse to divulge to me. Is that correct?" The Vulcan asked with a tilt of his head upwards, his dark gaze piercing like daggers.

'Well…you see… we….it's just that…" The Admiral stammered out while shrinking back into his chair. Sweat began to bead on his brow. The fact that the Vulcan wasn't present in his office hadn't made his intimidating appearance lessen.

"Sir, if I may, this conversation has only served to heighten my suspicious that-"

"Keptan! We have approached thee planet. Zis planet is neutral bordering on hostile. Zey have the _Aquarion_ in one of their space docks."

The room fell dead silent. Spock's heart momentarily froze in his side at the prospect of retrieving Jim, but it was still too soon to make assumptions.

Turning back to the screen he leveled the intensity of his gaze at the admiral. "Permission to continue searching, sir? I believe I have ample evidence to support my cause should you choose to refuse."

"…Permission granted Mr. Spock. _If _you find James T. Kirk, I expect you to report back immediately."

"Yes, sir. Spock out." With that said, he switched off the consol and glanced at the crew's quietly determined faces.

With swift efficiency, he sent a dispatch to Scotty to make preparations for beaming down to the surface and immediately put together a crew of ensigns as security detail.

This was the day he would get his Captain back. It was simply the man's condition now that left him with the bitter taste of uncertainty.

Bones was put on alert and instructed to have the best of his medical staff ready upon beaming back aboard the _Enterprise._

Whilst stepping up on the platform, Spock was forced to suppress the nervousness that pulled at his finely tuned neutrality and prepared himself for what he may see.

***

Jim was awoken to his head being slammed by a very meaty fist and the fear that his eye would burst under the onslaught. He was pushed onto his back as _actual_ hands began to grab at him and pull him to his feet.

Jayce's no-show streak had been broken.

Jim cringed as extreme pressure was applied to his breast plate. He looked into Jayce's black pits for eyes and let out a heavy breath.

"Come on, Jimmy boy. Surely you have some fight left in ya?'"

Jim stared at the floor, but his face was forcibly smashed into Jayce's in an unrequited kiss.

Defeated, Jim did nothing but flinch.

At the lack of reaction, the shark contemplated briefly before shoving another punch into Kirk's gut and automatically making vomit flow from the defeated Captain's mouth from the sheer force of the blow. The human man's ribs were either cracked or broken; one could never be too sure.

Jim looked up wearily, his head rolling to one side.

"So, you're not gonna' do anything? Basically, I could kill you right now, and you wouldn't give a damn," Jayce snarled out in disgust..

Jim looked away, shame filling him up and shoving him below the surface. Jayce was right. What was the point of fighting for your life if no-one was coming to get you?

Surely, his crew would have found him by now. He blinked a couple times as his head hit the wall, his neck being painfully squeezed as s harsh, rank mouth was shoved onto his again as one of his legs was forced onto Jayce's growing erection.

The Shark moaned into the kiss as Jim whimpered. His captor painfully rubbed down onto one of Jim's thighs, the friction making Jim squirm uncomfortably.

Jayce pulled away grinning at him like madman.

***

Spock and crew could finally see the ship ahead.

They lurked about in absolute silence, setting phasers to stun until they got inside. Smoothly rounding one of the corners, a pack of sharks appeared and had one blinked at the sight, they wouldn't have seen all hell break lose as the field lit up with phaser shots so bright and so plentiful it was reminiscent of the fourth of July.

Dodging one deadly shot after the next, the group had split up, half to handle immediate enemy, and the remaining force would head inside the ship.

After a particularly well aimed shot, one ensign fell, but Spock hardly blinked at the loss, cruel though it may have seemed. He had to find Jim.

***

As Jayce grinned, Jim's frown deepened as the hand grabbing at him tugged at the waistband of his pants and slid the material past his narrow hips.

"Beg, Jim."

Jim again, was silent. His lips might as well have been stapled shut because this time Jayce wasn't getting a word out of him.

Angered, the Aussie grabbed at Jim's flaccid member and tugged it none-too-gently out of Jim's pants and into his rough palm. Jim hissed in pain and disgust, no true form of verbal protest passed through his lips.

Angered even more, the hand released Jim harshly, only to reel backwards as fist and claw prepared to strike.

***

Many of the ensigns were left behind to fight off anyone that got in Spock's way. Now, all that remained was Spock and two other members of the search party.

He walked down a flight of stairs and rounded more corners. The layout of the ship was highly illogical and quite confusing, even for Vulcan standards.

He reached a long narrow hallway, carefully walking at a slow pace as he was unsure as to what might be on the other side. One ensign stayed behind as a lookout and the last of the group dutifully stayed at Spock's side.

Upon peering into every room, Spock was not prepared for what he saw.

***

Jim's eyes squeezed shut as the fist met his left eye; his head reeled as it hit steel, the sound echoing off the empty walls.

This was it. It was finally over. This was how the Captain's final hours went. The same hand that hit him wrapped around his neck, closing off all forms of air from getting to his lungs.

"Why give you back to Starfleet or the Vulcan when they won't want you anyways?" Jayce asked in a sinister voice.

Jim looked up at the ceiling of his cell as his vision blurred.

Rather suddenly though, he was dropped unceremoniously to the floor as a phaser was fired with precision at the offending, life ending hand.

The Shark yowled out as his hand dropped to his side, head whipping to the side to see where the shot came from.

Jim's head tilted slightly as he coughed and gasped, spitting up uncertain fluids.

There, was an ensign from his ship and then another figure stepped forward, the same figure from his nightmares and illusions. As the shark was shot at again, the tall lean body leaned down next to him, placing a warm hand on his shoulder.

Jim was beginning to fall unconscious but was desperately trying to make the connection, the pleasant thrum of feeling, but was coming up empty.

Jim had so many questions to ask. Was this heaven or hell? Had he finally met his untimely end? Was his final request being obliged by giving him one last moment with his _T'hy'la_, even if he wasn't actually there?

He briefly heard commands and felt the familiar pinch of a hypo-spray as bits and pieces of conversation floated through his ears. "Take him and beam back up to the ship…I have business to take care of…I suggest you leave now…"

For an angel, he sure sounded angry. Surely, that wasn't his Spock. His Spock would never lose his cool over something like this. It was just a few scratches…

Jim couldn't have been more wrong.

Spock moved in on the enemy like a predator. This being which had taken what was his for so long, for **four months**.

In a moment's glance he could take account of all of Jim's injuries, the dazed and confused look in his eyes, the pain, and shame.

Though he himself did not show emotion, he certainly could recognize them.

Especially Jim's.

It pained Spock greatly to see him like this, but Pain quickly turned to hatred and an anger that would not be suppressed.

The half Vulcan rounded on the Shark and picked him up in one fell swoop. One hand closed around the creature's his windpipe, doing to the beast as he had done to Jim.

"I believe this would be called 'payback,'" Spock said, his eyes glowering at the figure held in his strong grasp.

Jayce spluttered out excuses as the hand tightened around his throat. Spock merely raised a brow at the attempt before he ran the shark into the nearest wall, bashing his head against the hard metal and making it echo off the walls. The shark let out a mangled cry as his head met the wall again.

With quick thinking and instinctual panic nearly setting in, Jayce tripped up the sleek form of the Vulcan and brought them both to the floor.

Spock grappled at the shark, nails grasping vinyl skin, ripping it open for it to spill blood as black as the beast's heart. He gave an angry grunt as he redistributed his weight and pinned the monster to the ground.

The First Officer's other fist pulled back like white lightning. Once it shot off, he couldn't quite seem to quit. He was a violent song stuck on repeat as his fit of rage took over.

Spock let out a very frustrated sound that was distinctly alien, as he repeatedly smashed the aliens head in with his hand while the other continued its strangulation.

His teeth gnashed together as the outburst bubbled up and began to slowly fizzle out as an ensign pulled him away. He turned so quickly, movements so fast and so vicious in intent that he nearly knocked the poor girl over in his fit, but she somehow calmly led him away as realization hit.

The Vulcan hybrid's eyes widened slightly after taking in the sight before him as enforcements moved in to finish off what he started- more or less. Slight panic crept into his bones, but disappeared just as quickly as it came.

Unwilling to look at his blood stained uniform or hands, he moved with his usual gate and stiffness to remove himself from onlookers and to return to the _Enterprise_.

Already, they managed to detain those who had been stunned, though others surrendered upon seeing their fallen leader. Everything was a blur once Spock went through the motions, making calls to Starfleet and other various places and filling out the proper forms.

His hands covered in a deep blue and black blood, he washed up before getting back to business, telling himself not to think about Jim, as he would be more of a nuisance to McCoy now.

He focused on all the forms he needed to fill out and reporting all casualties to both Starfleet and the perspective relatives. There were only three fallen ensigns, which was better than to be expected.

With one last thought drifting to his _T'hy'la,_ he diligently submersed himself in his duties.

It was hours before everything was finished and so he allowed his mind focus on Jim once more.

Once a moment of silent fear passed, Spock immediately quick stepped to the turbo lift and to sickbay. His efficiency was now blindsided by thoughts of Jim, thoughts of nothing but Jim.

As if his feet had a mind of their own, they lead him to the doors outside of sickbay. Looking up at the door, the red glow of the offensive red circle bled through on the walls.

Letting out a small breath he'd been holding, Spock stood on the opposite wall with his arms behind his back in loose, controlled fists.

As sick as it was, he had to suppress the sense of satisfaction from having resisted killing Kirk's captor and only beating him nearly an inch away from death's firm grasp. Once the Federation took him on as a prisoner, there would be ample punishment coming that beast's way.

If only he knew what was truly going on. Why his _T'hy'la _would need something so extreme such as surgery wasn't something that exactly put his concerned thoughts to rest.

Yet again, it did make sense. From the looks of it, the Captain was in extreme pain and his injuries looked to be more than skin deep from what Spock could see, but then again he could be wrong, and it could be one of the ensigns.

He knew deep down that it was Jim.

***

Jim's mind was in a drug induced haze while he was in his CMO's able hands.

Life as he knew it was far beyond over. No more _Enterprise. _No more wonderful crew. No more Captaincy and most importantly and most agonizing, no more Spock.

His heart might as well have been ripped out of his chest. The thought of not being able to ever see his First Officer ever again was increasingly becoming too much for him to handle. As if the mental collapse wasn't enough, tearing out something that was very much a part of him and putting it somewhere he couldn't reach would do the trick.

Jim wanted to scream. He wanted to bash Jayce around until he was reduced to a pile of gutsy mush. He needed to be anchored somewhere, not floating in this darkness that was gulping him down whole, leaving him vulnerable and utterly alone with his own thoughts.

Kirk's hallowed out heart gave loud, erratic, painful thuds as thoughts of his personal hell of four months ran in front of his eyes like a movie reel. What he didn't know, was that in the outside world he was going into cardiac arrest.

He also didn't know there was a shouting CMO trying to revive his best friend and keep him from truly dying.

"Goddamit Jim! No!" he shouted at the unconscious man while working with more swiftness and accuracy than ever before.

His eyes wanted to tear up but he blinked the offensive drops back through his frustration and determination.

"Don't die on me, man!" McCoy shouted as he finally got the heart beat down to it's regular rhythm. With a deep sigh of relief he went back to surgically mending his best friend.

***

Spock was pulled back to reality from the muffled shouting of McCoy behind the medical doors of Sickbay. It was the sound of the Captain's name that struck him in particular.

Listening closer, his own heart almost stopped in his side. He waited with baited breath as he heard what sounded like relief from a rather loud sigh the doctor let out.

He would not retire until he saw Jim and knew of his condition. Sleep would evade him if he did not know otherwise. Glancing up at the unchanging red light, his eyes once again fell upon the door as his thoughts crept back to who was behind said door.

***

It was hours before Bones could say the job was finished and done well. That was some of the most extensive work he'd had to do in a long while and that was saying something.

After sealing Jim up, he went to clean himself off. Seeing as he was up to his elbows in his Captain- and good friend's- blood.

After a good scrub down, he moved his medical equipment back to their proper spots. He went to head into his office, but remembered a very worried and anxious green blooded hobgoblin would be waiting outside to see Jim.

With a light chuckle, he went to the switch next to the door, turning it on while simultaneously opening the door to let the First Officer in.

Spock was brought back to attention when the red light was switched to green. A feeling of relief invaded his neutral system, although McCoy's stern face did nothing to allow the feeling to pervade.

"Spock, he was the one that just got out of surgery, so I don't want you to expect much out of him. He needs his rest," the older man said, sagging slightly and relaxing.

"Yes, Doctor. I had no intention of further disturbing the Captain at this time," the Vulcan replied stoically.

Not really in the mood for Spock-speak, McCoy rubbed at his eyes with his thumb and index finger.

"I didn't think you would. It's just something I have to say to everybody."

Spock inclined his head slightly in acknowledgement before asking another question of his own, "I know it is strict doctor patient policy, but if I may inquire to the extent of the damage?"

Bones put his hands on his hips before he puffed his cheeks out and let out a gusty breath of air. "Well, everything internally was out of whack. Puncture wounds here, broken and fractured bones there. There were some others…I'm not going to go into detail."

"Thank you, Doctor," Spock replied.

"Uh-huh, Jim's in the back. There's a big, comfortable chair and blankets and whatnot if you want to stay," McCoy said with a yawn. "Time to fill out the paperwork from hell," he added while heading to his office.

Spock turned on his heel and went in the direction that was pointed out to him. Unsure of what to expect once he got in there, he was relieved Jim was all in one piece.

Taking careful, decided steps forward he slowly approached the sleeping Captain's bedside. He examined the bruised and salve covered face, down to his cracked lips.

The rest of his body was covered under blankets and his gown, but there was sure to be more from the way the Doctor was talking.

He picked up the Chair from the corner and set it as close to the bed as possible. The Vulcan slid into the chair and settled himself before he laid his warm hand on top of the unusually cold one.

Jim's slender hand was facing palm upward. Spock ever so slightly moved his fingers over Jim's for the Vulcan kiss before entwining their finger together.

It was to is shock when the hand in his twitched before he felt the thrum of so many emotions, it was unfathomable.

On some level Jim was awake.

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A/N: Awww they're back now. Oh wow. I'd love it if you reviewed. Thanks a millions.


	7. On Call

A/N: Soooooooo wow. I just wanna say thank you for all of your love and support for this story. I can't wait to dish out more. Again, none of this is possible without my lovely assistant, Miss Spockista Fruitista. Luff you hun! :3 Now on with the show!

Disclaimer: Just gotta throw out there that I don't own the characters and blah blah blah, you know the drill.

Warnings: Uhhhhh There's a whole lotta' Bones this chapter but that can be a good thing. =3

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I'm On Call

Jim's eyes fluttered open only to close again. He saw a streak of blue but couldn't stay awake long enough to fully make out the shape and that same streak haunted him throughout the week while he slipped in and out of consciousness' grasp.

As far as he was concerned, he was dead.

As far as he was concerned his last request was fulfilled and then he had given into death's suffocating embrace.

That's all there was to it.

So why did his eyes open abruptly to the pain of his muscles giving a hard jerk and the loud beeping reminiscent of sickbay monitors?

"Ungh!"

His eyes widened as a worried Bone's came into view before the familiar pinch and hiss of a hypospray filled the air. It eased the pain along with lowering the hard, fast thumps of his erratic heart.

The doctor gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze as he looked into his friend's pale blue eyes.

McCoy's voice was soft and gravelly as it took on its natural southern drawl, "Hey, Jim," he greeted.

Although the darkness that had filled Kirk's senses previously seemed really appealing, confusion took over his mind instead. Experimentally working his jaw words came out without his acknowledgement. "Bones?" the Captain whispered, his voice cracking.

"Yeah, Jim, it's me."

"Bones?!" he asked again, panic setting in.

The doctor gave his shoulder another gentle squeeze. "It's alright, calm down, you're safe now," he continued, paternal instincts kicking in.

However, his soothing voice did little to calm Jim, in fact, it made him worse. "Oh God!" Jim moaned. "I am dead!"

McCoy gave him a look that frankly screamed, 'are you insane?'

"Jim. You're alive. You could've died- but I'm not gonna' get into that! Look, the point is you're alive dammit!"

Jim gave the doctor a skeptical look. "Yell at me again," he whispered after swallowing hard.

"Dammit, Jim. No. Jesus Christ, I'm sure you've been in enough shit as it is," he cursed.

It wasn't true yelling, but it made him seem a bit more Bones-like, but Jim still wasn't sure.

He'd play along for the time being.

The Captain nodded solemnly, running his cracked lower lip between his teeth.

After a few moments of silence Bones checked his vitals and ran a tri-corder over his healing body. The doctor lowered himself into the chair Spock had made his home for the past week. It was surprising that the pointy eared bastard wasn't in there right now, but then again, he still had duties to perform.

McCoy made a note to tell the Vulcan that Jim had finally woken up after talking with his friend first. It was only fair. After all, he was the doctor.

He settled into the seat before continuing, "Well, you're doing a hell of a lot better than before."

Jim nodded, biting the inside of a hollowed cheek.

"I can't help but wonder what they did to you, Jim. I mean, fuck from all of those wounds… the broken bones…your muscle spasms…" Silence had once again taken the reigns of the conversation as the good doctor ran a hand through his hair.

He let out a breath he'd been holding before finding the words to speak again, "What happened, Jim?" The doctor's tone was serious but also strangely soothing in that moment.

Swallowing hard, Jim squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head as the old movie reel of very real images ran through his brain. "I can't, Bones," he whispered. "Please, not now," he pleaded. His blue eyes shimmered as they filled up with unshed tears.

He would not _**cry.**_

Bones understood and nodded while not-so-secretly glancing at the heart monitor.

"Alright, alright. Damn, calm down."

Jim tried to heed to the doctor's orders and slowly and methodically breathed in and out, forcing his heart back to its regular rhythm.

"Jesus, Jim, you've already gone into cardiac arrest once. You don't need to add a goddamn heart attack into the mix."

The Captain was unsure of what to make of his order and his mind began to wander as more quiet settled upon the two.

McCoy hunched forward and folded his hands as he stared at Jim, wondering for a moment if the man in front of him was the same man he knew.

"Jim, are you al-"

"No," he cut the Doctor off. "You've read my scans-more than that-you've seen my body, my mind …I…I don't know if I can even go back to my job," he choked out.

Bones gave his forearm a gentle pat of assurance as a smirk slipped onto his face. "You can recover. I know you can."

Jim just shook his head and lied back against the stack of pillows. "How long have I been out?"

"A week," Bones supplied.

Although Jim wanted to avoid the next question, it tumbled out of his mouth. "Where's Spock?"

Bones waited a moment before answering, studying Jim's features. "He's on the bridge playing Captain. He figured you'd be asleep still."

Jim's eyes widened. "He's been here?"

Bones cocked his head to the side. Where was the cocky, self-confident, whirlwind of a kid that he knew? Was Jim correct when he voiced that he might not be able to recover?

No.

That was wrong. Bones might not have known the extent of what happened but he knew that Jim was no quitter. What made his thoughts stutter was the look on the bruise covered face. How could things have gotten this bad?

Well, the timing was one thing. _Four Goddamn months_. Shaking his head a bit, he gave his friend a look which spoke of fondness and exasperation in an attempt to reassure him.

"Where else would he be Jim?"

"Not here."

"Yes, here, every night. The minute you were out of your surgery, which was some of the most fucking extensive work I've ever done in my life. By the way, I never want to do that ever again," he said while shaking a finger and leveling Jim with a serious look.

Jim nodded, and flinched. "Sorry." Kirk whispered giving the doctor a bitter smile.

Bones once again gave his usual head shake. "Don't be. Just don't get into any accidents like that ever again, simple as that."

Jim cracked a small smile, though a faint one. Bones gave a chuckle ad gave a crooked grin back. "There we go," he mumbled to himself.

Jim's eyebrows drew together and he tilted his head to the side at the Doctor's mysterious, whispered words. "What?"

"Nothin' Jimmy," Bones let out while patting his shoulder.

Jim flinched, shoulders tensing and screwing his eyes shut. "_No_," he let out in a harsh breath.

"Jim?" The medic got up to help his friend and check the charts.

"Don't," Jim continued eyes still shut and breathing labored.

McCoy was at a loss. What'd he do wrong this time?

"Please, don't call me that. I- it's-just don't. Eventually, just not…not right now."

Bones had actually grown quite fond of the nickname he'd been calling his good friend since their academy days. The fact that it now held a negative connotation was to say the least, a bit disconcerting. Why in the hell would someone else call him Jimmy? A person that tortured him no less…Maybe he didn't want to know...

Coming back to reality, the frowning CMO nodded. "Alright. If you say so."

"Just for now," Jim added in a rushed panic.

Bones gave him a look and chuckled while he once again patted his shoulder. "Don't worry about it. Like I said we'll work through this."

"'We'll'?"

"Yeah, as your doctor I have to monitor your recovery. I'm here to help as long as you're willing. And you've got the will."

"What about Spock?"

Always with the pointy eared devil. Jim was so worried about him when he should having been using all that brain power towards his recovery.

"He'll help too," he answered with a smile.

That seemed to ease Jim and he relaxed further into the pillows. They sat there again in silence, though this one was a bit more comfortable as they dipped back into their friendly banter.

But it still wasn't the same.

"Well, it's time for me to go back to playing doctor." Bones moved over to the end of the bed to study all the charts and then pulled out a data pad to look more things over.

"Bones?"

"What is it Jim?" he asked and reverted his attention back to his Captain.

"I wanna' sleep in my own bed. I'm glad to see you and all, don't get me wrong. I just want to be in my quarters."

The way Jim backtracked led Bones to further his belief that something had screwed with Jim's brain. It just wasn't like him.

"I know Jim. I'm sure you also know how much I really can't let you do that right now. You need to stay in here so I can monitor you, considering this is the longest you've stayed conscious in the past week. I was beginning to think you slipped into some sort of coma."

Jim's lower lip jutted out as his mouth turned into a pout. "Awwww come on Bones. Please?"

McCoy met his crystal gaze and didn't speak for a long moment as he deliberated it all in his brain. As much as he knew he needed to keep Jim here, he couldn't help but wonder if maybe he would get a more restful night's sleep in his quarters. He could possible keep him monitored all night long…haul some equipment up to the Captain's quarters.

"Maybe," he finally concurred.

Jim nodded before letting out a loud yawn. He wanted to stretch out his limbs. He tested a few before doing so, the pain minimal except in his back, neck, abdomen, and ankle.

Even with all the sedatives in his body, pain still hampered him in those sore spots. Little did he know he had let out a strangled whimper much like an injured animal, catching Bone's attention.

"Jim, don't move your ankle so much. If it starts healing the wrong way I'll have to re-break it."

Jim went silent, eyes widening and ceasing movement immediately. He didn't want to break anything more than he had already tallied up.

"Please don't."

"Not unless it's necessary, so stop worrying," Bones replied while his stylus hovered over the PADD in indecision before punching something in.

The captain studied his friend as the other quirked his lower lip, it was a nervous habit of his and seeing something familiar almost made Kirk feel at ease.

_Almost._

He still couldn't trust himself. Trust this place…No. He needed hard evidence but Jim's musings were interrupted by his Doctor. "Huh?"

Shaking his head a bit Bones repeated himself. "Since you seem adamant about sleeping in your own bed, I could possibly arrange something for tonight. I'll just need to keep running tests and scans on your vitals. I'll bring some equipment up to your room. That's the best I can give you Jim."

"Thank you," he said lowly with a nod of his head.

Bones nodded back and gave a reassuring squeeze to the younger man's shoulder. The doctor's voice became hushed and soft again as he spoke. "Just promise me something?"

"What's that?" Jim asked in equally quiet tones.

"Don't scare me like that ever again."

"You know I can't make any promises," the blonde's voice nearly cracked

"Jim, I almost lost you…"

"Bones, don't. I'm still here. That's what matters," he answered grabbing his friends hand with his own bruised one and giving it a weak squeeze before cracking an old Kirk smile.

Bones nodded, composing himself once more before gathering equipment and handing it over to a nurse to hook up the Captain's room. He took it upon himself to find Jim something to eat while he contacted Spock as promised.

"McCoy to bridge. Spock, you there?"

"Indeed Doctor, this is Spock. Has something occurred in sick bay which I need be informed of?"

"No, just decided to let you know that the Captain is awake and doing much better."

The brunette man decided to leave out that he could come down and see his boyfriend; the whole damn bridge didn't need to hear that, in fact he didn't even need to hear it the first time.

It was as if the whole bridge let out a breath they'd been holding in all at once. All the tension in the room began to ebb away. Amazing what one simple message could do.

Spock paused before answering. "Thank you Doctor."

McCoy cleared his throat before speaking again. "Well, you know I'm going to speak with you about how long he'll be out of commission, along with some other matters." There. That seemed like a logical enough excuse to see the Captain without it looking too suspicious.

"I shall see to your request after the completion of my shift. Is that a suitable time or are these matters pressing?" he asked coolly, despite a faint feeling of nervousness and anticipation beginning to seep in.

"After your shift is fine. I better get back to work, McCoy out."

Spock went back to his duties and attempted to work as efficiently as possible without

thinking of Jim. Most of his efforts were failures.

The doctor blipped off the communicator and walked back over to Jim, who had hardly touched his food and instead prodded at it in silence.

"Do I have to force feed you?" Bones asked with an eyebrow raised and a hand on his hip.

"Sorry. It's just…this is all so…" Kirk trailed off, unsure of what to say.

"Jim, I know you're in a state of shock, but you need to realize that you're safe now. You do know that, right?"

The Doctor's eyebrows knitted together in concern as he sat back down to get a good look at his friend.

Jim wouldn't meet his eyes as he stared at something invisible on the sheets.

"Look at me." McCoy whispered.

After a moment Jim finally looked over at him, his eyes filled to the brim with unshed tears. "I can't do this," he whispered back.

McCoy swiftly grabbed his friend by his shoulders. "You can," he answered, giving him a shake for emphasis. "Jim, you are going to get through this and I'll do whatever it takes to help, but you will make it. You hear me? So stop saying you can't do this…If you really couldn't you wouldn't have made it through surgery or through the hell you've already been through. You're still fighting for your life whether you believe it or not. You can't just call it quits kid, for chisssakes! Dammit Jim! Promise me you'll try! Fuck, I'm not going to lose you! You understand me?!" His eyes grew teary out of frustration and the sheer pain of seeing his good friend in such a broken state.

Hesitantly, Jim reached out and squeezed the hands on his shoulders. He only nodded, unable to find words. What was he supposed to say? Bones was confusing the hell out of him. Why would he be so concerned over a dead man?

The CMO let out a hearty sigh and blinked back the tears as one hand fell to his side while the other rubbed at his chin in thought. "Tell you what. If you really want your room tonight you'll finish what's on your plate. Got it?"

Kirk nodded and after receiving a pointed look from his friend, took a small bite.

Nodding, Bones left him before making sure everything was properly set up in Jim's room. Once he got back, the plate was empty, which was a good sign, but a very tired Jim was trying to keep himself awake.

"Don't make me hypo you," Bones mumbled as he came over and gently pushed on Jim's shoulder so he fell back into the pillows.

Jim lied back begrudgingly as the doctor continued talking, "Your room's almost ready to go. I'll roll you in there after a while. For right now, get some sleep."

Jim just gave in, what the hell. Who knew? Maybe he'd go back to the pitch black that he knew was inevitable. With that last thought, his eyes finally drifted closed.

Satisfied, Bones picked up the food tray and returned to his work.

***

Spock knew he had another twenty minutes left, but there were no matters left for him to handle. He had performed all of the actions that Starfleet required, including filling out paperwork and informing the proper authoritative figures of their current situation. Now they were simply traveling until they reached a space dock.

Sulu and Chekov had everything under control at the helm; nothing required his attention except his Captain.

Although he wouldn't admit it, he was relieved when his subordinate came in early to relieve him of his duty.

Finally, he left for the turbo lift to head to sickbay in hopes of seeing Jim now that he was finally awake.

***

Jim had woken up many times and was starting to get antsy. Bones finally decided to get him ready before he sent him off.

Removing the cover off of Jim, he began to unravel bandages and take off the braces he had used for his ribs and breast plate.

Bones tried to concentrate on the task at hand, but Jim kept cringing away from him…It was pulling on his heart strings. The damage was far more than skin deep. "Jim, it's alright," his voice soothed, like he was speaking to a small child.

He ran his scanner over some of the wounds, while covering others in salve and doing both to those wounds that needed it. He worked his way down, getting to the one injury that made his blood boil in anger and rage. How someone could rape Jim was beyond him. He hoped the fucking bastard got what he deserved.

Addressing the torn opening, Kirk whimpered and screwed his eyes shut. McCoy went about it as quickly as possible unable to handle how much it hurt his friend. Finally, he placed a brace on his ankle to ensure it would heal correctly. That was the easy part, now came the hard part.

Transferring Jim to his room.

Bones ran a hand through his hair and let out a long sigh. "Alright Jim, now I need to warn you, I can't drug you up anymore than you already are, it just wouldn't be good. So I'm going to try and make this as painless as possible, but you gotta' work with me. I'm gonna' have to get you into that chair," he explained, pointing at the wheelchair beside the bed.

Jim only gave a nod by way of response. Before he knew it, Bone's had his hands under Kirk's knees and around his shoulders, securing him.

A fiery burst of pain bloomed in Jim's back, starting at the spine and ending where Bone's touched. "Gah!" His eyes screwed shut as he tried to squirm away from the gentle grasp holding him.

He let out a whimper before twisting when Bones set him into the chair. Jim's breathing became labored as he tried to reign in the pain and focus.

"Jim, what hurts?" Bones asked, already scanning him with a tri-corder quadruple checking everything.

The Captain gnashed his teeth together and shook his head. "It's mostly my back," he murmured. McCoy nodded as he put away his tri-corder and wheeled his friend to his room and with some difficulty, got him onto his own bed.

"If you need anything you know the drill," Bones supplied while giving Jim's forearm a pat before walking out of the room.

McCoy groaned at the thought of more paperwork, grumbled until he caught the sight of a half Vulcan and was stopped by him.

Without any formalities, Spock jumped right to the chase, "You informed me the Captain was awake, but he is not here?" he asked while quirking a brow.

McCoy gave a small smile and nodded. "Yeah, I figured he'd have trouble sleeping here and set him up in his quarters, you're still welcome to see him. He's awake right now."

Spock gave his version of a nod and thanked the doctor while he swiftly moved with a long stride towards the Captain's quarters, becoming even more aware of himself and the flow of many emotions from memories of a pain-stricken Kirk lying on the floor.

However, he pushed those images away as he chimed to be let in. A mumbled, "Come in," was heard before the slightest hint of nervousness hit Spock as the door swished open and then proceeded to close after Spock stepped into the room.

Jim looked up to see the most unbelievable sight before him. There stood his green tinged angel, angular face in a similar state of disbelief, even for Vulcan standards.

Even with the shadows under his deep black eyes, the way they looked at him, lingered and saw him like in ways no one else could. His throat tightened and his mouth went dry, unable to find words.

It was like that first realization all over again, déjà vu hitting him with full force. It was when he first realized and knew Spock was his and he- dare he say it- _loved_ him.

There was no way that was still true.

Spock seemed to be having some difficulty of his own as he stood statuesque while calculating his next move.

There was so much damage it was almost unbearable. To think someone would target Jim all because they had something against the federation was beyond logic.

With a small amount of hesitation he stepped forward until he was standing next to Jim's bedside. Swallowing, he found the words to speak, "Jim, although I generally do not express such sentiments, I am glad you are safe, and here… alive."

Jim's insecurity showed as he looked up and lost himself in the warm, deep pools he missed. Like a small child, he sat up and held his arms out for his first officer uncertain as to if the gesture would even be met.

Spock made his movements deliberately slow as he sat on the bed before his Captain fell into him, enveloping him in an embrace that displayed what little strength he had left. He was so fragile…

Jim's body gave a hard twitch as he made an attempt to squeeze tighter, fearing that Spock would simply disappear. Jim buried his face in the crook of Spock's neck and breathed him in as arms automatically settled around him and gave a gentle squeeze.

"I'm glad too. Don't let go," Kirk whispered.

The insecurities were present in the connection along with uncertainty and pain, physical and emotional…then there was shame.

Jim's grasp moved to Spock's face as if he were a blind man, tracing the contours of his cheeks and running a bruised finger over his sweeping eyebrows before trailing it down to his lips, causing the Vulcan's breath to hitch.

Spock raised a brow as Jim continued running his hands over his frame. One hand had now moved to his hair while the other snaked around his waist and squeezed.

"Jim, I cannot help but notice your sense of bewilderment at my presence."

Kirk stared up at his face as Spock continued, "I can assure you, I am neither a figment of your imagination nor some sort of apparition."

Jim's face was stricken as his chest constricted and his muscles twitched. "I can't tell anymore. I'm so tired of guessing. How can you prove it to me?" he asked, choking up.

Spock simply took the young Captain's hand that rested at the back of his neck and placed it in his own, extending their index and middle fingers.

"This is simply enough."

Jim could feel Spock, on every level unlike the ghosts that had come to torment his brain. This Spock portrayed what he felt through the connection they shared and Jim began to start feeling safe again.

"I'm not dead?" he posed in a whisper, unable to meet the very real Spock's gaze.

Spock's eyes subtly widened. "_**No**_," he said with hushed force, before tightening his grip on Jim, keeping their fingers touching and abuzz. Spock had a silent bubbling fury that was settling, Jim noted.

He looked at their entwined hands as he moved his to grasp Spock's, his purple and blackened bruises mixing with vibrant green ones.

"What happened?" he whispered running a thumb over a nasty bruise.

"I believe that is my question."

Jim winced and cringed into Spock, curling into him despite his protesting bones.

"I can't," he whispered, screwing his eyes shut and squeezing the hand in his with more grip than anticipated. "Not now."

Spock inclined his head in a short nod. As he lifted Jim's face to his, he examined the hollowed cheeks and bruises before meeting pale blue eyes.

Unable to control his impulses, Jim leaned up. He needed Spock, to know he was real and constant. His dry lips met the softer pair. The kiss was warm and tentative as it lingered and Jim felt complete for the first time in what seemed like forever. The soft lips trailed kisses down Jim's throat, slow and assuring, birthing a sound of relief from the shattered human. This was real. It had to be because _fuck_, it would be hell if it wasn't.

The kisses slowed as they reached his collarbone and then they stopped altogether to his dismay, but his head was pulled to his First's chest and he moved his free hand to Spock's side to feel the flutter of a heartbeat.

It was a moment or two of just reveling in the fact they were here and together. _Finally_. Reality became a possibility as Jim began to close his eyes while his first officer laid his head atop his own and leaned them back, Jim resting in Spock's arms on his chest, Spock's own head on the pillows, hands still clasped tight.

"I understand," he said at last before continuing, "I suppose you still want me to divulgedetails as to how I attained my injury?"

Jim nodded sleepily and brought the hand that was held in his own to his lips to kiss as Spock let out a small, pleasant shudder.

Spock then began to explain in cool tones, tinged with anger and rage about what had happened as Jim listened very carefully before falling asleep.

Panic shined through, but quickly diminishes as Spock didn't so much as move so much as an inch from the spot he was in, and fell into slumber with his _T'hy'la_.

Jim was back.

________________________________________________________________________

A/N: Oh my I loved writing this. Longest chapter to boot. Hope you like. Reviews and reading is always appreciated.


	8. Use Somebody

A/N: Oh wow. I love all of ya'll. You know that right? :3 Thank you everybody! Thank you Banbi-V and Insanityforever who's conversations and stories I always look forward to.

Disclaimer: No own. If I did. It'd be a mess. A hot tranny mess, but a mess nonetheless.

Warnings: ummmm not for the faint of…heart. Enjoy.

________________________________________________________________________

Chapter Eight: Use Somebody

Jim ended up on his side with Spock pressed against his back in the morning. Arms were wrapped around him used as a buoy to keep him tethered to reality.

Spock still had work to do, but luckily it wasn't his time to leave yet. What was peculiar was what had awoken him.

Jim's whole body shuddered making the half Vulcan wrap the fallen sheets around them and grab a better hold in his Captain. As Jim turned toward Spock in his sleep, he let out a strangled cry.

_He was back in his cell, his cracked ribs pressing into the cold steel of the wall and body bare. _

_The shark grunting in his ear as he thrust into him again and slammed him into the icy metal, his head also hitting the wall._

_He gave out a mangled scream as fiery pain bloomed throughout his body. Claws a witch would envy dug into his skin tearing muscle away from the bone. The rips and tears were resonating off the walls along with the sharks own sounds of pleasure. _

_Oh God. _

_He was dead. _

_Yesterday was just a dream and he'd been dumped back into his own personal hell. Spock hadn't saved him. He was still in his cell, being Jayce's bitch._

Spock grabbed hold of Jim, shaking his shoulders lightly, not wanting to disturb his injuries. The Captain's screams made his ears ring and his heart stop in his side. He'd heard wounded animals give out cries less painful than that.

_Another scream escaped and the pain was searing hot as it burned. Tears didn't even come to his eyes as he begged and pleaded for it to stop._

"_I can't do this. No! Please. I can't! Stop!" He screamed as he was slammed into again. _

Jim said aloud what he said in his dream, his eyes screwed tighter than a bolt in wood.

"Jim, you must wake. You are dreaming. Wake up," He said sternly, his eyebrows coming together.

_His heart rate skyrocketed and felt like it would leap out of his chest. It hurt to even breathe._

Bones was in his office, heels kicked up as he settled down with a hot, steaming, cup of coffee. Suddenly the monitor in Jim's room was making beeping sounds more annoying than a car alarm.

Walking over to get a closer look, his mouthful of coffee was sprayed like ocean water out of a blowhole.

"Fucking hell!" He exclaimed as he quadruple checked.

Racing over to the communications link he paged the room knowing Spock would be there.

"_Thought you could escape me Jimmy boy? You'll never get away. I'll always linger…" He said in a low husky voice that grated on Jim's worn-down nerves._

"_No. You're lying!" He gritted out as another thrust came and he screamed._

Spock gently shook Jim as McCoy was demanding what was happening over the comm and giving Spock directions.

The Vulcan hybrid held the thrashing, screaming body in his arms. The incessant shouts causing his ears to ring; the pitch was insane.

Bones stopped making cursory demands as he sprinted to the turbo lift to get to Jim's room.

No way in the goddamn fucking Alpha Quadrant was he going to let Jim die of a heart attack. With that thought he pushed himself to go as fast as ever. He had to save his friend.

Everything the Doctor suggested did not help. If anything, it made it worse. It was time he took matters into his own hands; which was a dangerous thing when it was Jim's fragile life.

He pulled Jim into his arms and clasped his hand with a ferocious intensity.

_**Oh. **_

The _**pain. **_

This was unbearable. Jim's breathing, his pulse, he was having a heart attack. So much pain. This only made him clasp his hand tighter and grit his teeth in a sense of self control.

"Jim, wake up," He demanded, his voice strained and wavering.

He shook him a bit and closed his eyes and concentrated on what was flowing through him, trying to find a solution, because whatever Bones had thrown out there didn't work.

The hypospray he'd given Jim only escalated his heart rate. The fist Spock threw into Jim's chest made his breast plate crack again.

Making him scream out.

Again.

Spock had to connect to him, let him know that whatever had a hold on his mental faculties was not real.

_The hand at his throat was squeezing and his chest gave painful hard thuds while making an attempt to breathe, even though nothing could really get through to his lungs._

_Jim felt a different kind of warmth as he let out another bloodcurdling scream. _

_This one was comfort and safety with the promise of tomorrow._

_It had to be-but it couldn't._

"_Spock!"_

_Once he realized it, it wouldn't go away. It only intensified. _

_Spock told him yesterday he was real. He wouldn't betray him like that and leave him here. He pushed back the wave of nausea that rolled into him as his chest clenched painfully and his eyes widened._

"Please wake up," Spock whispered into his ear as he tightened his hold on the Captain's body and hand.

There was a gasp as the Captain's eyes shot open.

He opened his mouth and was about to speak when the pain in his chest was unbearable and he let out a scream of a different sort.

"Jim!" He laid him down on the bed and got up to kneel beside him. The hand in his squeezed tighter than usual not wanting to let go. Had Spock been human Jim could have possibly broken his fingers.

Jim's breathing became irregular as another wave of nausea coiled into his stomach.

He curled into himself and clawed at his chest with his free hand as his breaths became shallow and uneven.

Just as Spock was getting up to grab the defibrillator he spotted the previous night, not wanting to use it on his _T'hy'la_, no matter how necessary and illogical it was, Bones stormed into the room.

Out of breath, he went for the item Spock was just about to grab. The Vulcan stood motionless as the Doctor went to work.

"You gonna' help or just fucking stand there!?"

Spock was snapped back from the verbal reprimand and got to work alongside the doctor.

He went on the other side of the bed and grabbed Jim's hand while his other pried and uncurled him, and then ripped his shirts open effortlessly. The Captain's breathing had become horrifyingly shallow as he tried to gasp for air. His face covered in a light sheen of sweat.

Bone charged up the equipment before shouting, "Clear!"

His body jumped off the bed as his blue, stormy eyes widened in shock. Seeing this once before, Spock grabbed the oxygen mask from somewhere close to the bed, placing it over Jim's face as the blonde's hand squeezed his.

Kirk's heart was still off the charts crazy. Bones charged up again as tears threatened to well up in the corners of his eyes.

"Clear Goddammit!"

Placing them on his chest again, Jim's heart wouldn't let up; it kept going faster than a drag racer.

"I SAID FUCKING CLEAR!" With another press something snapped and the beeping morphed into a bleating noise of high pitched sorts.

No.

It couldn't be.

The hand in Spock's that was held so dearly no longer held the buzz he'd grown accustomed to as it went limp.

His eyes visibly widened as he looked up at the Doctor who stood frozen, tears now spilling over as he wildly shook his head.

No fucking way.

He _**would not **_believe it.

It was time to get back to work.

***

_The pain was finally gone. _

_Jim let out a sigh of relief._

_That slowly took on the form of panic gasps for air._

_Where the hell was he?_

_This place was bright and white. There was no pain, he was still injured but even those blemishes were disappearing. _

_Being upright on his feet he started to wander aimlessly. He still had no clue where he was, but this place was peaceful and calming. The sky above him became painted with deep black and was glittered with stars._

_His wandering eventually led him to a fork in the road. _

_Huh._

_How cliché._

_There was a sign in the middle with a man leaning against it._

_His head was tipped down so Jim couldn't see him, but he looked like he was wearing a fleet uniform. _

_An old one to boot. His hair was the same golden color as Jim's with a nice coif. Glancing back and forth for a few moments he gave a shrug and started to head towards the one on the left._

"_I wouldn't go that way if I were you."_

_Jim jumped out of his skin from the unfamiliar voice. _

_He looked towards the middle and with a huff put his fisted hands on his hips. The guy hadn't moved. Kirk made to take another step towards the left when the body moved._

"_I said it's not your time yet."_

_The man slowly lifted his head upward and gave a smile that radiated a familiar joy and love that the Captain didn't understand._

_He looked like he was looking at an older, outdated version of himself, but not…_

_The man chuckled and, "What's the matter? Don't you remember me? Surely you've seen a picture or something." The smile was widened._

_It was full of charm and charisma. _

_It was the Kirk family trademark smile._

_Jim's eyes widened as he stumbled forward._

"_G-George?!" He stuttered._

_George sauntered forward to steady his son and gave a nod._

"_Hey Jim," He said, his voice and smile softening as he looked into similar baby blues._

_He patted his son's arm and plopped down onto the ground._

_Jim quirked a brow, mimicking his Vulcan First before his dad patted the open ground next to him._

"_Sit. We need to talk."_

_Wearily, Jim obliged his father, still in shock. There was no way this was happening._

"_Where am I?" Jim asked still a little leery about the fact he was sitting next to his dead father. That could only mean one of two things…_

"_I was getting to that." He said looking over his son in his own paternal way. Not believing how much he'd grown and realizing how much he missed._

"_I'm dead, aren't I?"_

"_Kind of," George answered with a sad smile, which confused Jim._

"_Why aren't you angry? I know I am," Kirk whispered, not meeting his dad's eyes._

"_I get that. Should I be?" He asked, his blonde brows furrowing._

"_Well, yeah." He said with a shrug as he ran his fingers through the vibrant green grass that cropped up out of nowhere._

"_Explain."_

_Jim gave a snort._

"_Sure daddy, let me just hop right into it. Oh gee, where the hell do I start?"_

"_Watch it. If you want hell you turned the wrong way. Son, look, I know what's been going on. I know I wasn't there, but that's beside the point. This is about you right now. Everyone has their moments, and you've been through a lot. So don't give me this load of bull that I shouldn't be proud of you or that I should hate you because of who you are and what you've done. You can resent me all you want for the same, but I don't." He said with an easy smile._

_Kirk looked up. Eyes wide. No. This wasn't how it was supposed to go down. George was never there, and he didn't like him. He wasn't supposed to be this forgiving. It just wasn't right._

_And yet, there was something oddly compelling about him. His easy smiles and the way he talked to Jim as an equal, not some juvenile delinquent. _

_He finally looked up at the man that although was never physically there, always had a looming presence in his life._

_George chuckled while he pulled his son in for a hug._

_This was so _**weird**_. _

_George squeezed him tight._

"_This doesn't make up for anything." He whispered, stiffly returning the gesture._

"_I know. I've missed out on a lot, and I was never there, but nonetheless I'm proud of you." He said patting him on the back and clearing his throat. _

_It wasn't because he was holding back tears if that's what you were thinking._

_He pulled back and wrapped his hands around the tops of Jim's forearms as he held him at arm's length. "Jim, it isn't your time to go yet. I know you may feel like you want to, but I'm warning you have so much more to do and experience. I want you to go back, and be surrounded by the people that care for you. I'll be there too, just…not in the conventional sense."_

_Jim nodded taking it all in and not really believing the last bit. "Okay."_

_George cracked another smile and pulled his son tight to his chest, squeezing the life out of him. _

"_It's gonna hurt, but you can handle it." He warned. Closing his eyes as this moment left its impression in his mind._

_Jim only nodded._

"_I love you, James."_

"_Uh, y-you too, Dad." He wasn't totally sure about that, but he supposed he did somewhere deep down, but it would take him a while to come around to that point._

_George began to fade away leaving Kirk waiting until he got up to walk down the path he chose…_

***

"Last time." McCoy let out as he shook his head. It had been 10 minutes. The most a human had ever lasted before coming back to the world of the living was 14. This was getting ridiculous.

This was the fucking worst 10 minutes of Bones' life. That was just speaking for Bones.

Still, _he had to try_.

McCoy's wiped the sweat off his brow on his shoulder as he let out a sigh and began charging up the device for a final time.

Spock held his breath and continued to hold the cold, limp hand. He knew there was something there. He kept telling the Doctor, but an in depth explanation would be illogical right now.

There was a small, faint, fragile buzz.

It was tiny, but there.

It would have gone unnoticed if Spock hadn't already been connected and deeply invested in Kirk.

"Clear!" The CMO let out as a heavy leaden feeling was settling in his bones from the weight of the possible outcome, knowing the universe might as well collapse if his best friend died on his watch.

To his shock, the monitor resumed its normal beeps as Jim's life came back onto the line.

Jim gasped as his eyes widened. He clawed at his chest and the other hand tried to move to the mask, but was given a gentle tug by Spock.

Bones was on him with a tri-corder in a flash.

He whipped out another tool to begin working on the cracked chest plate.

Jim whimpered as he looked around trying to find someone's face. Bones was moving too fast. His hand was brought to something soft as petals which made him look over.

Spock kissed his hand with a carefully placed blank look, but Jim knew otherwise.

After some of the pain was forgotten with a hypo to the neck, Jim could think a bit more clearly.

After McCoy got his desired readings and fixed things up a bit, he sagged into a chair by Jim's bed.

"Jesus," He muttered putting his head in his hands.

Spock moved to stand but Kirk gave his hand a tug of his own.

He took off the mask and sat up.

"Jim, put the fucking mask back on." McCoy muttered into his hands. With a huff, Jim shook his head.

"I suggest you do as Doctor McCoy says." Spock noted in a very neutral voice.

Kirk looked up confused, but obliged him. A hand on his chest made him wince as he was pushed back down to the bed.

Bones finally stood again, and placed his hand on his hips and he stared at Jim, "You're coming back to sickbay when Spock leaves for Bridge duty."

Jim only nodded as he glanced up at his stiff first officer.

"Don't scare me like that ever again! You hear me?! We're gonna have a talk later, got it?"

Jim only nodded again.

"Good." The doctor ran a hand through his hair and grabbed what he brought up with him. "I have paperwork to fill out and charts to read. Spock, page me right before you leave so I can take Jim down to sickbay."

"Yes, Doctor." He said formally with a stiff inclination of his head.

With one last look of relief spared on Jim, McCoy left to get back to work.

Some of the tension left Spock's body as he turned to glance over Jim's bandaged form.

He still had an hour or so before he had to get to the bridge.

After a moment Jim ripped the mask away and pulled Spock down by the hand that held his.

Spock let out a small noise as he was pulled onto the bed and close to Jim. Placing a hand on a warm, green cheek he leaned in and closed his lips over Spock's in a desperate and needy kiss.

He needed to forget. Needed to be anchored back to reality and not to his nightmares. Spock let out a harsh breath as his hand curled into Jim's hair and the other grasped his in a deathly grip.

He had his other hand holding the back of his First Officer's head.

"Spock." Jim said with unbearable feeling, his voice shaky. He kissed him again long and hard his shoulders skittering with little tremors. "Oh God," He whimpered as he kissed him again and kept repeating Spock's name between searing, soul snatching kisses.

"Jim-" He had more to say. Things to the tune of their activities being illogical and the fact that Jim just had a heart attack and really shouldn't strain himself as such in his fragile state. Not counting the fact he'd just come back from the dead, but all this seemed to disappear as his own revelation at the fact he almost lost Jim _**again**_.

To say the least, emotions were getting the better of both of them.

The Vulcan pulled Jim onto his chest, cradling his bruised cheek with his free hand.

"_T'hy'la_," Spock breathed.

Jim whimpered as he reached for Spock's shirt trying to lift it as one of his legs made it in between his First's. His eyes twisted shut against what he was doing. He had to get rid of those images. This was the only way.

Oh.

_No_.

Spock's eyes flung open. This was wrong. This was taking advantage of Jim. The pain was evident as the hand in his made Spock's as white as a sheet from the pressure.

Slowly he turned them over and untangled himself from Jim, giving him one final sweet kiss that didn't hold the edge it did moments ago.

Jim's face immediately fell into one of shock and confusion as hurt was clearly printed across it.

This was rejection.

Finally it happened. Spock realized Jim couldn't be fixed and therefore would now turn away. It was only fair. Why have a broken man that was irreparable?

Jim turned away immediately. Closing himself off. He didn't think he could handle the punch line.

"Jim-"

"I don't want to hear it." He responded waving him off and starting to turn over on his narrow bed.

Spock easily snatched up Jim into his arms, which confused the hell out of him even more and made him glare at the half Vulcan

"Stop this." He stated simply.

"Stop what?!" Jim nearly screeched.

"Stop behaving as if I have rejected you. You should know perfectly well that is not the case. It was my fault, I did not have control of my emotions and let things exceed thusly. We simply cannot act on those…impulses in your state of conditions." He explained

Jim tried to stay angry but it was starting to ebb away as he suddenly became overcome with a wave of exhaustion and he let himself relax into Spock's hold.

Gracefully, the Vulcan sat down on the bed still cradling Jim like a small child.

"I'm sorry." Kirk choked out. "It's just…" He wasn't sure what it was but his First patiently waited for his answer as he did something quite human and moved a strand of hair away from Jim's forehead, his hand sweeping across the furrowed brow and leaving behind a patient warmth in the touch that was only reserved for Jim.

Kirk looked up into Spock's deep black eyes and sighed. "I was dead." he whispered. This in turn made the Vulcan tense up.

"I know." He said back in a low rumble.

Giving in, Jim wrapped his arms around Spock and buried his head in the crook of his neck, inhaling deeply.

"This is so damn hard." He murmured.

Spock gave a short nod and laid his head against Jim's letting out a short breath of air. They sat like this in silence. It was difficult to see someone that used to hold so much self confidence and an air of being carefree to…this.

He still loved him. It was just going to take time to put all the pieces back in their proper places.

Jim became held on the precipice of sleep and wake as he tried his damndest to fight the blanket of haze that had come over him.

"Spock," He murmured.

"What is it, Jim?" the Vulcan whispered.

"I'm sorry." He mumbled as sleep finally took over to his dismay which was clearly evident in the scowl on his face.

Leaning forward, Spock shifted so he could get a better look at Jim's face. His lips quirked at the corners from the pout the full lips were set in and the angry lines marring his forehead and between his brows. He swept his hand over each line smoothing out his features before placing him on the bed and gracing those lips with a brief tender kiss that made Jim sigh in his sleep. He then proceeded to make himself presentable for the day.

After exiting the shower he grabbed his spare uniform from the closet, putting it on before sitting back down next to Jim's sleeping form.

Spock was waging a war against his curious nature. Part of him flat out wanted to know what happened to Jim to make him this way. What he was dreaming about…what he experienced in death?

Eventually.

He had to wait but would know eventually. When Jim finally came around he'd be there.

It was only a few minutes before his shift on the bridge started he pressed one final kiss to Jim's forehead before hitting the communicator for Bones and then heading off to the turbo lift for another day of pretty much doing nothing.

***

Jim woke up in sickbay with a start.

Without even a glance, the CMO told him to relax as he continued to study the charts above the bed.

"I'm sorry." Jim mumbled.

'Not your fault." McCoy answered with ease. It really wasn't. Not like he purposefully brought on the monster that was the heart attack which nearly led to his demise.

"But it is."

McCoy sighed and sat on the edge of the medical bed.

"Jim, it isn't. You can't control it. Whatever you were dreaming about was what caused it. I was just pissed because I wasn't planning on losing you. You gave both me and Spock quite a scare."

Jim nodded and laid his head back, briefly closing his eyes, but opened when his good friend mumbled something under his breath.

"What?"

"Ten minutes. Worst fucking ten minutes of my life, Jim. You were dead for ten minutes. I don't know how you do it kid."

"Me neither. I know I should be dead."

'Don't say that." McCoy responded looking up as his heart sank like a battleship. Looks like they were back to square one.

Jim quickly changed the subject. "Bones, I think I've gone insane."

"It's possible, but I don't believe it. Doctor, remember? I think I'd catch something like that. Sure, you're a little nutty, but that's to be expected."

"Gee, thanks. Makes me feel so much better." Jim deadpanned.

"What is it Jim?" He asked seeing through Jim's utter transparency.

"I think I met my dad." He said lowly staring at the sheets and shaking his head in disbelief.

"What was he like?"

Jim looked up, surprised. There was no humor in the good Doctor's tone. He was actually quite serious. He believed him.

"Well he's…different. I'd like to bash him and call him an asshole, but there's something…"Kirk trailed off and yawned.

"Get some sleep kid. We'll talk more later." Bones mumbled as he ruffled Jim's hair.

"Why does everyone want me tuh slep?" He murmured as his leaden eyelids closed over his baby blues.

"Night Jim." McCoy said with a smirk as he went to his office to work.

***

It was the middle of the evening when an inhuman body hesitantly slipped onto the narrow bed and secured Jim, wrapping warms arms around the Captain.

He sleepily wrapped his arms around Spock and snuggled closer into his chest.

"I'm sorry." He mumbled again.

"Stop saying that." Spock insisted in a whisper as he brought Jim's hand to his lips and planted a kiss on the palm before gingerly taking the hand into his own and running his thumb across the back.

Jim gave another content and sleepy sigh before his body twitched and shook. Spock pulled him closer by the small of his back and kissed the top of his head.

"I am right here." He assured in a hushed tone.

Jim let out a whimper as another spasm jolted him.

"What about when I wake up?" He asked needing reassurance and nothing more to be coddled.

Spock gave a short nod. "Of course." he answered easily with a glint in his dark eyes.

Jim settled into his First, running his lips over his jaw, trying to find the other pair in the dark. Spock easily met the lush lips seeking his own before both of them settled back down and sleep overtook their prone forms.

The nightmares still played a heavy role in Jim's slumber but weren't as gut wrenching.

Surely this was a good sign.

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A/N: Thank you. I would love it if you reviewed. But favoriting and alerting is cool too. :3


	9. Reasons Unknown

A/N: Chapter nine already. This is crazy. I wanna' thank all the peeps that read and review, fav, alert, and kinda just hide out but still read it. Plus I want to thank and glomp my buds on here, Banbi-V and Vulcancheesecake because they make all this shiz possible. Love ya darlins! :3 Thanks for reading Ya'll

Warnings: Jimmy!…ummm poor Jimmy. U_U

________________________________________________________________________

Chapter Nine: For Reason's Unknown

Another week or so had gone by.

Jim- if anything- became the ice king.

You couldn't get a word out of him.

One day the previous week he completely closed himself off and shut down, while shutting everyone out.

It seemed to be a mystery of sorts to Spock and Bones.

He wouldn't talk, started to refuse to eat which got himself hooked up to an IV by a very displeased Bones. What was worse was he wouldn't so much as even look them in the eye.

Spock would come by after his shifts and try to get him to speak, but a word never passed the Captain's lips. It was frustrating to say the least.

Bones restlessly moved about as he recalled the memory of when it happened over and over again, but there was nothing his brain could pick up on that could have possibly made things go awry.

Unless you count the fact Jim was on the edge of a breakthrough right before he became a mute.

McCoy took a look at it once more as he sat in his office while the _Enterprise _continued it's journey through space.

_***_

_Another shift just ended and Spock was on his way down to sickbay to visit Jim. Upon entering he came across the sight of a nurse administering another hypo into Jim's neck to ease the spasms that had been occurring more often than normal._

_He flinched from her touch as she unknowingly placed a hand on his back before walking away._

_Spock swiftly arrived at his side and extended his fingers for a Vulcan Kiss. Jim returned the gesture with a sad smile on his face._

_Spock lifted the Captain's chin with a strong hand to level their gazes. "Jim,-"_

_He was cut off by another weak smile and a peck on the cheek. "I'm alright." he said softly, none to convincingly._

_Spock gave his head a short shake. "I do not believe that you are." He responded capturing Jim's hand with his own._

"_I'm sorry you feel that way."_

"_Jim, I cannot assist you if you do not tell me what is bothering you."_

_He wasn't going to go into the ethics of Jim's previous statement, because the argument was irrelevant at the moment._

"_I don't know if I can tell you, Spock." he whispered._

"_Why is that Jim?" his voice a low rumble, but not reproachful, just curious._

" _There's just something in me that won't let me, also I don't want to relive it," he admitted._

"_I can help with that," Spock answered and by nature squeezed Jim's hand._

_Jim looked up at him, his electric blue eyes widening at the prospect. It's not like he was purposely keeping secrets. He just figured everyone knew what happened already. How could they not? But the truth was they didn't. _

_Bones could probably extrapolate details because he was a doctor, but that was only medically speaking._

_This didn't account for the emotions and Jim's feelings mixing into the crock-pot of this ordeal._

_No one knew what was going on in Jim's mind besides Jim._

"_Can I think about it?" he asked hesitantly._

"_Of course." Spock answered with a twinkle in his eye. Other than that a face composed and no other subtle hints._

_Jim nodded and pulled his First Officer forward making him place a hand on each side of Kirk to steady himself and not fall on top of him._

_Jim moved closer, leaning forward making their faces only inches apart._

"_Jim, this is-"_

_A calloused index and middle finger came up to trace the outer edge of Spock's ear, making him give a slight tremor._

"_Please," He pleaded against Spock's lips, his breath quivering._

_Jim made it near impossible to resist impulses. It didn't help matters with the look of need in his eyes._

_The distance between them was about to diminish when the curtain that closed off the alcove rustled._

_Spock was already back in his chair when Bones came into view with his kit of medical supplies. He settled the box by Jim's feet and glanced over at Spock, who's face was a tinge greener than usual. _

_If the good doctor hadn't known a lick about Vulcan physiology he would have mistaken Spock for a sick man._

"_I don't wanna' know." He grumbled as he grabbed items out of the metal box. Looking over at Spock and back at Jim as he took out a roll of gauze and bandages._

_With a sigh he walked over to the First Officer and laid a hand on the back of his chair before speaking, "Listen Spock, I'm gonna' have to ask you to step out for a moment."_

_Spock fluidly rose out of the chair and inclined his head, his arms folded behind his back._

"_I'll tell you when you can come back in." He drawled._

"_It is alright, Doctor." He said as he left, closing the curtain behind him and giving Jim one last lip quirk smile before giving them privacy._

_Once Spock left Jim sat up and was about to hop off the bed when he wavered, Bones steadied him._

"_Easy, Jim." He chided softly. _

_Kirk went to pull his black undershirt off-now wanting to have anything to do with a flimsy gown thank you very much,- but winced as his hands glided against his healing, bandaged ribs._

_Bones made a half effort of folding the top before setting it aside and getting to work._

_He methodically unwrapped the gauze, starting at Jim's neck. It revealed, soft, pink, tender flesh. The remedy McCoy had concocted was potent and he was skeptical about using it at first, about whether it'd work or not. He was glad the skin was finally forming new layers. _

_With a nod he procured more salve and gingerly applied it. He was trying to be as gentle as possible but Jim still tensed up, his jaw clenched tighter than a vice as he let out a hiss in pain._

"_I'm not tryin' to hurt you." he said softly._

_Jim Bobbed his head as his gaze met the linoleum floor and not the good Doctor's eyes._

_With a huff Bone's stepped back and ran a hand a clean hand through his hair._

"_Dammit Jim."_

_The curse caused the Captain's head to snap up and his confused blues to look at the frowning and cursing CMO._

"_Talk to me. I'm tired of fucking guessing. I can't help you beyond all the physical aspects if you don't give me _at least_ an idea of what happened. A damned vague notion would be better than nothing at all. Jesus."_

_Jim ran a hand down his face as he sighed, definitely not wanting to look at his friend now._

"_Shit," Bones cursed. 'Look Jim, I didn't-"_

"_Electrocution," Jim supplied while cutting McCoy off. The CMO's eyes widened as the words registered. _

"_Jim, I-"_

"_You didn't know, I get it." He gave a dark chuckle as McCoy moved back and slowly went back to doing his job, removing the sets of bandages around Jim's shoulders._

"_How'd they administer it?" He asked quietly as his hand grazed the indentation from bite marks._

"_Depends." Jim answered twitching with a whimper._

"_Jim…"_

"_I'm alright."_

"_No. You're not."_

_The doctor began to individually re-wrap each shoulder after putting a different, experimental and more potent slime on the bitten shoulders. His fingers slid into bloodied divots and crevices that refused to close._

"_Elaborate," he demanded._

_Jim let out a harsh breath through his nose as he gritted his teeth in frustration._

_McCoy had once again stopped what he was doing and stood in front of Jim wiping his hands on a towel before placing them on his hips, much like a meddling mother._

"_You mad?" he asked, relenting a bit, but not much._

"_Yes."_

"_Good!" Finally a goddamn reaction. Jim, as you doctor it's my job to know, but I don't want to play that card. Tell me as your friend. You're gonna' wind up snapping, I know you, and I don't want that to happen. I know you don't." He took a breath and looked at Jim, his light hazel eyes meeting icy blues. _

"_I don't think Spock wants that either."_

_It was dead silent in the room as the weight of the sentence hung on Jim's shoulders. The only sound was the hustle and bustle outside the alcove. _

_Bones had also forgotten to take into account there was a pointy-eared hobgoblin within earshot. Who was trying very hard not to rip back the curtain and reprimand the CMO for yelling at Jim in his state of conditions. But, he was a Doctor. He had to have known what he was doing._

_Without any preamble except for the shaky breath he took around the bruised fist firmly pressed to his lips, Jim started talking._

"_First it was a shock collar." He let out another harsh breath as Bones eased back into work and unwrapped the pieces that hugged his back and torso rather snugly._

_Out of the corner of his eye he thought he saw something move in Jim's spine, but figured it was just the boy releasing a breath of air._

_He went to scan Jim's breast plate and ribs before running another tool over them to help the healing process._

"_What else, Jim?" He pressed softly._

"_Give me a minute." he nearly choked._

_Bones moved to his back scanning another utensil over it before dipping his fingers in balm and sliding them across Jim's back._

_The Captain's breathing became labored as he screwed his eyes shut. White knuckles gripped the bed for support. He tried to fight off the feeling of wanting nothing more than to shut down._

"Better not tell em' sweethart.' _A voice echoed in his head. _

"What'll they think of you?" _The familiar accent continued._

"_Jim?" McCoy asked with concern tingeing his drawl. His hands momentarily stopped before moving over a deeper crater._

"_Gah!"_

_Jim's eyes widened and glassed over as they went back to the cell, _the hard slab under his stomach as an electrical current bit into his back.

_Then he med-bay flashed back in making the Captain shake his head as his shoulders gave a painful jump. This in turn caused a hypo's hiss to fill the air as it pinched Jim's neck._

"_It'll help with the twitches," Bones mumbled. "What the hell just happened Jim?"_

"_Huh? Oh, nothing. Just hurt a bit." He lied._

_The doctor didn't believe him but let it go. "You gonna' tell me the other method of how they shocked you?" McCoy asked, running his hands in the discolored dips in the bottom of Jim's back._

_Kirk let out another whimper as he fought the hold on his mind to talk. Trying to get his mouth to form the words, but something was trying to stop him…some_one

"Don't do it Jimmy. You'll regret it." _The voice reverberated off the walls in his head._

"_He-nnngh! He had a-AAH! Fuck! Shut the hell up! I-it was a whip." He groaned out as he turned away to talk to the air and not McCoy._

_Just then Bones had covered the holes in the center of Jim's back on top of his spinal cord, hitting a dent as a look of shock and horror overtook his facial features._

"_Shit. Jim who are you talking to?!"_

_He moved to see his friend's face as he let out another scream and clutched the sides of his head._

_Outside it took all of Spock's control not to throw the curtain back and whisk to his Captain's side._

"_Jim, talk to me."_

"_He won't shut up Bones. He doesn't want me to talk. I told you I couldn't. He's still fucking with my mind." He choked as tears threatened to spill. _

_Jim let out another scream. It was like being shocked all over again. A shock that had wormed it's way in and burrowed into his brain._

"_Jim, Who's 'He'?!"_

_With one last blood boiling scream Jim's eyes rolled back with a convulsed jerk as his head hit the bed and he passed out._

_McCoy began to scan not catching anything unusual except his brain activity. Which could possibly mean that Jim was…dare he think it…going insane._

**No.**

_Not Jim._

_Bones knew he was fighting something, but what?_

_He'd monitor him and find out. He continued fixing up Jim before anything else._

_After performing the rest of his tasks McCoy exited the alcove only to be faced with a worried and somewhat nervous looking Spock._

"_May I inquire as to what happened?" He asked his gaze assessing the CMO for his reaction._

_Bone shook his head and sighed, "I'll let you know as soon as I get some results. I'm not even sure I know what the hell happened"_

_Spock inclined his head by way of response before returning to the alcove._

_***_

Bones was brought out of his memories as Spock entered his office.

"What brings you here mister Spock?" He asked his lips pursing and un-pursing as he contemplated Jim's situation.

"I have tried again at engaging the Captain in conversation, but nothing had come of it. He is as humans say, 'tight lipped'" Spock answered.

"Yeah. The only thing that sticks out to me, from what I remember is I thought I saw something move in Jim's back, but I figured my eyes were playing tricks on me. Plus he mentioned that he was shocked. Besides, my scanners would have picked up any foreign object…But he was hearing voices, Spock. I just don't know where we could start getting answers." Bones was all over the place trying to think of _something _that could possibly help Jim.

Spock stood stiffly as he pondered as well wanting to assist the Doctor in any way to get Jim back to talking and making progress..

His hands were in loosely controlled fists as an idea came to mind and he resisted the urge to full on snarl, but his upper lip did faintly twitch.

"Why not go to the source?"

"What?"

"My apologies for being vague. Let me elaborate. The …_beast_ that held Jim captive is at the starbase we are currently heading to. I could possibly convince one of the admirals to allow me to converse with this being and possibly get some answers that would be helpful to Jim's recovery." Spock elaborated.

"What makes you think he's going to talk Spock?"

"Well I do not know this, but I have reason to believe he will." There was a underlying tone of force in the fairly innocent statement. 'I'll make him.' was what he was really saying.

"I shall have Uhura dispatch a message and see to it."

"Yeah, I'm gonna' do a bit more research and whatnot. Be sure to check back immediately when you get those answers."

Spock gave a short nod, "Of course, Doctor." Spock turned on his heel and left the building.

It took a while. This included many calls, hails, and a bit of luck until Spock got the desired results.

He was going to have a nice long chat with Jayce.

Nothing more.

Nothing less.

Or so he thought.

After being beamed down and upon his arrival he was met with a very extensive security team. After being patted down and quadruple checked he was allowed into the holding facility and led to a small room that was set up like an office. with a desk and a chair on either side.

Spock's blood was pumping a tiny bit faster than normal at the prospect of coming face to face with the thing that held Jim captive for so long.

And damaged him.

He took all the suppression he could possibly muster not to lash out the minute the shark walked through the door.

Jayce unceremoniously plopped into the chair with a grunt, the shackles around his wrists clinking and swaying.

Spock leaned back in the chair and crossed his long, lean, arms before his piercing black eyes met a pair of hollow black pits.

"What the hell do you want you Vulcan freak?"

"I am here to inquire as to what you did to my Captain."

"Oh so this is about your lil' boyfriend Jimmy, is it now?"

"You will refer to him as Captain or James. You have no right to say otherwise."

"Touchy touchy." Jayce chuckled.

"I could show you what I did to him." He added in a bloodthirsty tone.

Was that Spock gritting his teeth? No. Certainly not the perfectly controlled Vulcan.

Never.

"That will not be necessary. What I require is answers as to why my Captain is no longer talking or doing much of anything for that matter."

He was trying his best to keep it cool, but it was kind of hard when the guy that had your _T'hy'la _for four moths too long and did crazy shit to him was sitting across from you.

Spock's Finger's momentarily twitched and gripped the arm rests of the chair.

"Oh, so it finally kicked in. I wasn't sure if it would work or not. It was a prototype weapon after all. God he writhed beautifully. The crimson blood spilling from his pale skin as I ripped it to shr-"

He was cut off as Spock had leaped over the desk and tackled the monster to the floor.

A forearm was forced against Jayce's throat making it difficult for the landshark to breath.

"What weapon? Elaborate." The Vulcan demanded in a frightening, rough, voice.

He let up a bit but kept the shark within his firm grasp.

He gave a couple of wheezy coughs. "Oh, it bugs you. Gets under your skin and brings out your emotions. How illogical you half wit bastard."

Jayce opened his mouth to say more but instead was seeing stars as Spock's hand reeled back and slammed squarely in the shark's nose covering it in blue blood as it immediately gushed out of the orifice.

Jayce let out a yell and yanked at the Vulcan's arm's, rolling them over. Spock was quick to think and kneed the beastie in the back making him arch forward as a loud crack was heard, and echoed by the room's acoustics'.

The shark slumped over and Spock snatched him by the scruff of his vinyl neck. Both of them standing face to face.

"I meant elaborate on how the Captain is in his current state of affairs. Not your convoluted theories of my origins. Now I suggest you start explaining." He said in a hiss while squeezing the back of the Aussie's neck.

There was no more control. This was all of Spock's pent up fury that had been locked away in a tiny iron box with heavy duty locks for no-one to see.

Jayce coughed before grinning. "I used a whip on him once or twice a week for a whole month., but that wasn't the best part."

The look in his dark eyes was extremely gruesome. He took such pleasure in causing Jim pain.

Spock let out a grunt as he punched the aquatic creature in the mouth. Sharp teeth nicked his knuckles, but caused more damage to the rows of teeth that were now missing a few as gums oozed blood, making Jayce spit off to the side.

"You fucking shit! That hurt!"

Spock glowered at him anger steaming in him like a teakettle whistling loud and clear from the sheer intensity of it.

"It is not enough considering what you have done." Spock said in a grave, dangerous tone.

"Now I suggest you tell me what is wrong with my Captain."

Jayce gave a shrug.

He didn't seem to know when to quit. This earned him a shove into the nearest wall. His neck was then grabbed by the front and his head was forcibly slammed back into the hard surface.

"You will tell me _now_." Spock informed him.

Jayce began to choke as air escaped and didn't return no matter how much he tried to gulp it down. He began to think it was possible the Vulcan might have been serious.

Spock's eyes burned with an intensity of a thousand suns. "I am waiting." He said as he picked the Shark's head up and slammed it back down into the wall.

"A bulb." He choked out.

Spock threw the monster across the room, he tumbled into the desk, hitting it with a loud thunk.

The First Officer grabbed the prisoner by his shirt front and punched him in the jaw.

"That is not sufficient enough information.." He gave another well aimed punch to the shark's gut as Spock's breathing became harder than normal.

The idiotic beast swung at the Vulcan swiftly landing a single hit as they grappled with each other, both fighting for the upper hand as they rolled around on the hard floors.

Jayce had somehow managed to use his shackles and began to choke the First Officer, the chain turning the skin green with agitated marks, but that only earned him a spot on the floor as he was flipped onto his back.

The Vulcan lifted him off the floor and grabbed one of the offending arms that tried to swing again and twisted it in a direction it shouldn't have gone.

The bones cracked and creaked as they splintered and poked through the leathered hide blood bubbling out black as it seeped through the wound.

Jayce cried out. His breathing labored. "It dug into his skin." He let out with a harsh breath.

Spock grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and threw him again, this time into the wall before picking him up and ramming his head against the surface.

"It would be in your best interest to tell me everything." He said back as he rammed the head again as it lulled to one side. Eyes nearly rolling back.

Jayce gave a crooked missing teeth smile "It crawled underneath his skin."

Another punch to the face, making blood smatter everywhere.

"It burrowed in there a the base of his brain stem where it meets the spinal cord," The shark spat.

Spock's eyes widened but his brows came together in anger as fists collided with the shark's gut.

Spock was about to let go, his grip slightly loosening until these next words came out of Jayce's mouth.

"You can't remove it. It's too risky. I must say, it was well worth it to finally break a tool of Starfleet's. Jimmy was the perfect candidate. He's useless now. I'm glad that I did it. "

His face was a twisted grin and his eyes held a sickening light to them.

Spock lost it.

With a mangled cry of his own he bludgeoned the sharks head until the face was unrecognizable. Repeatedly smashing fists into it and ramming it into the wall. Blood smattered the wall like ink blots in a psych's office asking, "and how does that make you feel?"

Spock's fists were bruising from the sheer force of his blows.

Something like tears coming to the corners of his eyes, but never spilled out as he blinked them back.

It wasn't until The security team stepped into the room and had to bodily remove him that he realized what he'd done.

The limp body dropped to the floor making a loud thump.

It wasn't breathing.

Spock's eyes widened as he comprehended what he had done.

Jayce was dead.

He stiffly turned the other way as he was escorted out of the facility and beamed back aboard the _Enterprise_.

There were no words spoken as someone else came in to clean up the mess. It was still silent as they winded through the corridors of the building. No verbal reprimands, nothing.

This was a bit disconcerting. But Spock's mind was moving at warp nine.

Upon immediately being beamed back up. His blood stained hands relaxed at his sides and face blank he went immediately to sickbay.

Bones jumped as Spock entered his office. His dishelved and blood infested appearance making him worry. "Good god Man! I hope that isn't yours."

"No." The Vulcan replied quietly his gaze averted.

"Spock?"

"I will be fine doctor. My hands and neck obtained minor injuries, but that is not important. The enemy divulged the information needed. Jim cannot speak because of something that has disabled him to. It is some sort of device that is attached to the brainstem where it connects to Jim's spinal cord. It will prove to be challenging to remove." He answered, long winded, barely taking a breath of air.

"Jesus." Bones curses under his breath. "Alright I gotta' start preparing for surgery. Damn those bastards. How'd I miss it?"

"Clearly their technology is more advanced than our own."

"No kidding. Shit." McCoy swiped a hand over his face before looking back over to Spock.

"Alright, rinse off and let me fix up your hands and neck. Then you can get properly cleaned up."

"Doctor, you must-"

"Nope. No buts Spock. Show me your scrapes."

Slowly Spock went to the bathroom to clean off his hands before returning. McCoy scanned the green fingers and knuckles along with the chain link indentations that wrapped around his neck before using a dermal regenerator .

With a nod the Doctor was satisfied with his work and looked up at the black eyes that seemed hesitant.

"Jim, will he…"

"I don't know. But I'm going to try my damndest to fix it Spock. I'll call you back when the surgery's over. Go get cleaned up, and get some rest."

The Vulcan gave a short nod and with that he left to his quarters, following the doctor's orders. But before he slept a thorough bout of meditation was necessary.

Spock needed control.

He momentarily stopped.

With a thought in mind he took off his bloodied blue Science Officer shirt and continued.

Before he left he quietly snuck over to the alcove that held his Captain. Jim's eyes were stuck on a tile on the floor.

With slow steps he was right at Kirk's side. He crouched down until he was at eye level.

Jim did nothing, not even so much as glance at Spock. Letting out a small breath the half Vulcan cupped one of Jim's cheeks, the bruises yellowing and fading, and turned it towards him.

The eyes were blank as they stared at the First Officer. Spock closed his eyes for a quick moment as he leaned forward and gave Jim a chaste kiss.

Leaning back he looked into the blank stare and thought he saw something for a quick moment. The eyes widening as his mouth opened but no sound came out.

_I can't fucking talk. Goddammitt. Spock! It would be super useful if you could read minds and shit, but nooooo Vulcan telepathy doesn't work like that. arrrrrrgh this is so fucking frustrating._

Kirk grumbled in the confines of his mind.

Spock waited, but nothing came about it. He knew the Captain was in there somewhere. Whatever McCoy does better work.

He didn't want to think otherwise. With another kiss on the crown of Jim's head he returned to his full, stiff stature as he made way to his quarters, bloody shirt in one hand, and his nerves in the other.

Back in the office McCoy submersed himself in his studies till he was fully satisfied that he could pull off this surgery.

He had to.

With a deep sigh he shut off the PADD that held the text he was reading and got on his gear.

It was time to save Jim's ass…again.

Must be Tuesday.

***

It was two in the morning by the time McCoy was through with his surgery.

To his shock, everything went smoothly.

That was a good sign.

He finally was able to clean himself up and take a breather before remembering there was a Vulcan that was probably awake and worried about his Captain.

He paged the First Officer who was awake, as predicted and was down in sickbay in no time.

Spock got familiar with the big leather chair he'd been sitting in for the past couple of weeks as Bones relayed to him that everything went smoothly and his bed was beckoning him.

Spock grabbed Jim's hand before he too could no longer fight off sleep as it invaded him.

Jim woke up early the next morning at around four or five with a leaden feeling in his body. Like he'd stayed in one spot for far too long. He tested a few limbs and was about to move one of his arms when he felt a familiar tingle.

His eyes widened as he looked at the hand that firmly clasped his own.

To his shock, he had control of his mental faculties…for the most part. There's wasn't a mocking, familiar voice telling him to let go of Spock's hand. And he could actually move for that matter.

His relief was eminent as he let out an exhalation of air.

He looked over the sleeping form of his first officer. With extra still and slow movements he slipped off the bed, supporting his weight on his good ankle, and hobbled over to his first officer, hands still clasped.

Once he was close enough he nestled himself into the chair on top of Spock, his legs draped over an armrest and his head resting on a strong shoulder, his other hand moving down 'till it felt the flutter of a hybrid heart.

Jim let out a sigh as a black eye was cracked open before closing again. Arms came up to wrap him in a warm embrace as the Captain let out a sleepy yawn.

"It is much too early for you to be awake and alert, Jim."

"Yeah, well, I couldn't sleep." He murmured while kissing the tip of Spock's ear.

"How are you feeling?" Spock asked in asleep induced speech.

"Like I just got out of surgery and have been dead for a week."

"Indeed." Came the Vulcan's reply.

"What happened Spock?" Jim whispered.

"I will inform you later after you get ample amount of rest."

Jim pouted before settling back down, but to his surprise his First picked him up and settled them both on the bed. Figuring it was much better than a cramped chair.

"Sleep, Jim."

"You too." He mock ordered.

Spock gave a slight nod as their legs tangled together and tired sighs were let out.

Jim pressed his lip's to his First's in a soft, slow kiss. Spock returned it as he gripped his Captain's hand.

Kirk nuzzled Spock's neck and settled back down.

"Thank you." He whispered.

"You are welcome." Spock answered while pressing another kiss to his Captain's crown.

"You require rest. Resume your slumbers."

Jim gave a crooked smile while letting out a rumbled laugh and settled back down.

"Yes, sir." He mock saluted. "Is that an order?"

"Indeed."

"Good morning Spock."

"Good morning Jim."

Jim gave him one last kiss that almost would have perked up his first officer, had the Vulcan not been so tired.

With that Jim smirked and closed his eyes, sleep taking him far away.

There were no nightmares.

________________________________________________________________________

A/N: Awwwwww-ness. Hope you guys liked it. :3 Reading and reviewing is always nice.


	10. Angel

A/N: OMG Yayness people. I must first say that I'm soooo sorry this took so log to get out. School has been ruling me with an iron fist. I must say I'm so thankful for all the review, favorite, and alert this story. Or if you just creep about. Sadly, this is pretty much the last chapter. After this it's the epilogue then I'll be off to write more trek. I may possibly put up a poll for story ideas. Idk yet. Umumum over 100 reviews!!!!!??? I love you guys. Seriously.

A/N2: Gah! There was a page missing and it oddly still made sense. Sooo sorry guys. It's What I get for uploading at midnight. Love yas!

This chapter is dedicated to Banbi-V, Vulcancheesecake, and Miss Spockista Fruitista. None of this would be made possible without these lovely people. Now on with the chapter!

Warning: Guy Love, (yanno, between two guys) Chock full o' angst. Enjoy!

Chapter Ten: Angel

Spock-as promised- explained everything to Jim. (With the exception of the physical beat down that led to Jayce's demise.) That would come later.

It had been another week and Bones was finally able to close up wounds with a dermal regenerator and repair broken bones with an osteo version.

Bruises were yellowing, but still visible. There was still pain, but minimal. The slight twitches, winces, jumps, and tremors were still prominent.

Nevertheless, they'd deal.

The more pressing matter at the moment was the need to feel clean. Jim wanted a shower, shave, and haircut, like something fierce but the last one could wait.

The Captain whined some more (in a dignified manner of course) while Bones was checking things over and Spock respectively looked the other way.

"Come on Bones. Please? Do you know how long it's been since I've properly bathed?! I'm beggin' ya'."

"It has been approximately four months three weeks-"

"Thanks Spock, but I didn't mean it like that."

"Just trying to be of assistance."

"I know." Jim sighed as he looked affectionately at the back of his first officer and then to the exit doors of sickbay.

"Perhaps a different approach?"

"Yeah, but what angle do I have left?" He wondered rubbing is bearded chin in contemplation.

McCoy growled as he finally decided to butt in. "I'm. Standing. Right. Here."

Jim gave a wince as a hypo was jabbed into his neck none too gently.

"Ow! Sonuvabitch! Was that really necessary?"

"Yes." McCoy answered as Spock raised a brow, at the wall in front of him.

Jim rubbed at the tender spot that was still slightly puckered with new scars that would hopefully fade. He then remembered he was on a mission…"I still need a shower!"

McCoy rolled his eyes. "Jim, you're gonna' have to wait until all this stuff checks out, then I'll give you the go ahead and you can be queen Neptune for all I care. Alright?

Jim sighed but gave a reluctant nod. Bones re-wrapped the tender flesh for hopefully the final time if the results came out to his liking.

Turns out they came back positive. Jim could be sittin' pretty on the bridge by the end of next month. But for now he could get his shower.

He strode back towards the open alcove only to be stopped by the sight before him.

It oddly took his breath away. Something that was a private moment that wasn't meant for his prying eyes, but he couldn't exactly tear himself away from it.

Spock had moved to the bed sitting just close enough to be completely pressed against Jim's side. His long fingers outstretched to cup one of the Captain's cheeks as it turned pink from the contact and he leaned into the touch, his eyes fluttering closed.

Jim let out a breath that was full of relief as one of his hands reached up to keep Spock's hold.

His other bent down to entwine with the Vulcan's equally free hand. Their fingers twining together and placed them over where the fast-beating heart rested in his side.

The only way he knew that was because he was a doctor. This whole scene seemed to be shrouded in the utter affection one had for the other. Jim was a broken man, yet here was Spock.

A Vulcan of all things giving him everything he's got. Providing the shelter that Kirk needed.

There were no words exchanged just a picture of gestures. They say pictures are worth a thousand words and this one would be imprinted in McCoy's memory. He now understood the secret he'd been privy to for quite some time.

The pieces clicked together and fell into place. It all made sense when he looked at it this way. It was like turning his head at the right angle when examining something that was abstract.

It made all the difference.

He was brought back to reality when just as quickly as they were together, they were apart.

Spock was back in his chair, a chin resting on a propped arm as if nothing had happened.

Bones cleared his throat with a cough making Jim look over, his blue eyes brighter than normal and a small smile on his flushed face.

"Doctor, Doctor give me the news." He said rather than sang the ancient song looking expectantly at said doctor.

"Well, everything pretty much checks out physically. You can have your damn shower."

Jim sighed and fell back into the bed. "Yes! Finally!" He said above a whisper while pumping a fist in the air in victory.

"Alright alright, get outta' here before I change my mind." Bones said with a smirk.

Jim got off the bed, looking at Spock and making a motion with his head for the Vulcan to follow as he reached for the cane the doctor presented to him.

"Your leg should be fine next week. Just don't want you puttin' all your weight on it."

Jim gave a nod and squeezed his friends shoulder. Sliding the cane from between his fingers and giving it a spin with his nimble fingers.

With one last small smile Jim turned to walk out with his first officer matching his slower than normal hobble.

"May I assist you?" Spock inquired examining Jim as he tried to walk faster.

"No. I mean, I appreciate the offer, but…you know." He whispered as he looked about the room, his eyes shifting to faces of passing crewmembers.

"There is nothing in the regulations that says a First Officer can not aid his Captain if ne-"

"Ok, I get it, come 'ere. Give me your shoulder."

Spock stepped closer and easily slipped the captain's arm around his shoulder. He felt Jim sag against him slightly.

Not that he couldn't walk on his own.

He _totally_ could.

Once they reached the turbo lift and Jim gave the command to go to his quarters he looked over at Spock who was caught in the act of staring back.

"What's up?" Jim asked wondering why his first was being more unusual than usual.

"I could carry you if-"

Jim's eyes widened as he cut off his First.

"Spock, listen to me." He cut off, leaning forward to fall against the Vulcan's chest making Spock automatically wrap his arms around Jim's hips hands splayed against his lower back.

Kirk reached out to cup one of the green cheeks.

"I'm okay. I'm not completely disabled. I know it's logical to look after my well-being, but you don't have to worry so much. Okay?"

"Jim, Vulcan's do not-"

"I know. But it's going to be fine." He whispered finishing it off with a chaste kiss on Spock's lips as the door swished open. "Come on. There's nothing more that I want right now than a shave, shower, and lots and lots down time with you." He whispered grabbing the Vulcan's hand and twining their fingers together.

This down time also included lots and lots of snuggling and cuddling of the most domestic sort, but that was unsaid and known by both parties.

Spock gave a nod and handed Jim back his cane as Kirk smirked back at him and gave his First's hand a tug as they headed to his room.

Upon entering the room, Kirk turned and gave Spock another re-assuring kiss on the lips and with his hands before slowly disentangling their fingers and heading toward the bathroom.

He first got his shave out of the way studying his pale features as blue eyes stared back, brighter than the skin encompassing them. Turning from every angle to make sure it was all gone he gave a nod of approval.

"If you want you can set up the chess board. " He hollered from the bathroom as he turned on the shower.

Stripping off his uniform attire it fell to the floor. Jim started to unravel his bandages and was morbidly amused how it reminded him of a mummy; death warmed over. Once bare he turned on the shower and stepped underneath the cascading water. Closing his eyes and planning to revel in the feeling.

Until _the water started to taste, like salt and filled up his lungs._

Jim's eyes screwed shut as he coughed violently. The Captain let out a pained, strangled sound as he tried to get a breath of air.

Kirk's head _felt as if it was submersed_ even though he had moved out of the direct spray.

There was an imaginary force at the back of Jim's skull; _like a hand as his eyes kept seeing the bottom of a dunk tank._

With a loud groan, Jim fell to the tiled floor with a thud, curling in on himself as he began to gasp for air and his breathing was shallow while he clutched his head.

In the meantime, Spock was setting up the chessboard finally placing the final piece, the black king softly clanked against the square as its white counterpart decided to fall over.

This however went unnoticed as the Vulcan's attention was pulled toward the bathroom door. More importantly, who was behind it.

Briskly walking over he gave the door a knock.

It elicited no answer.

With that in mind, he rattled out the override code and as soon as the door opened, a plume of steam hit his face, his hair and clothes instantly clinging to his skin.

"Jim?" He queried.

Spock turned toward the shower and involuntarily swallowed before opening the door.

His eyes widened slightly at the sight before him and he clenched his fists at his sides.

Jim was hugging his knees to his chest, his face hidden against the caps as he gasped for air hyperventilating and gagging.

Without giving it a second though, Spock stepped in -clothes and all- and crouched down in front of Jim. Spock's pale hands and long fingers came to rest on his shoulders giving them a gentle squeeze.

Kirk's head snapped up, rivulets of water running down his face, past electric blue eyes and an open mouth as he gasped for air.

His First Officer stood up hauling his Captain up with him. Jim fell forward as reality slowly began to creep back into his sights as Spock caught him, holding Jim firmly against himself.

"Breathe," The first officer instructed softly, rubbing Jim's back.

"Be calm," he continued the motions soothing Jim as he tried to heed to Spock's words.

"I-I'm tr-trying." he let out whimpering with a twitch.

"Relax, try to take a deep breath, and then exhale slowly." Spock began again looking into Jim's face and laying soft kisses against the wet forehead thinking it would calm Kirk.

Jim took a big shaky gulp of air as panic still held him in its clawed clutches of despair.

The hand on the golden boy's back moved to his front firmly rubbing his chest with just the right amount of pressure as he took another breath, more evened out this time around.

One of Jim's free hands came to wrap around the one rubbing at his chest gripping it tightly. "There is nothing that can harm you while in my grasp."

_I've got you_.

Was what he was saying and conveying through the touch.

The Captain started to go slack at the calming words, leaning into the strong arms that held him steady.

Spock's eyebrows were raised as Jim's breathing finally evened out and he turned to be facing the First Officer.

The Captain wrapped his arms around the Vulcan's waist and kissed his chin.

"Thank you." He breathed. Spock tightened his hold in response and studied Jim's face eyes not wanting to stray to the scars on his body.

Disentangling them with another kiss to one of Jim's temples he stepped out of the shower for a moment making Kirk's brows furrow until he heard the rustle of clothing and waited as Spock returned in the same attire Jim was wearing.

Which was none.

His long fingers grabbed for the soap pouring a generous amount in his hand as he slid his sudsy hands over Jim's soaked body. He averted his gaze to the tiled floor.

Muscles contracted and jumped under his soft touch Jim tried to meet his gaze, but the deep black never once clashed with the blue.

The silence was deafening, even with the running water. Jim went for the shampoo and did his own hair before Spock took over, making Jim want to protest until his long, and capable fingers were scrubbing small circles into his scalp, nails lightly scratching.

He bit back a moan as his head was gently tilted back under the spray and he grasped one of Spock's hands as his eyes squeezed shut. The water- still not his most favorite thing.

Meanwhile Spock's brain was on overload as he tried to control his emotions. Half of him wanted to jump Jim and the other wanted to turn away and give him privacy.

He dared not let his eyes look at the marred skin.

However, was that for Jim's sake?

Or his own sanity?

He would rather not answer that at the moment. The looks Jim kept giving him weren't helping either. Spock soaped himself up and washed off.

He turned the shower off as Jim stepped out and he followed suit. The Vulcan towel dried himself before wrapping the cotton cloth around his waist as it hung loosely on his hips.

Jim breezed past him and put his hands on his own towel-covered hips, blocking Spock's path back into the room. He puffed up his cheeks and eyed his First.

"I don't get it." He stated his tone starting to rise.

"What it is it that you do not comprehend Jim?" He asked voice controlled, and calm.

"Why in the hell one minute you're helping me and wanting to do everything for me and the next you don't want to have anything to do with me! That's what I fucking don't get!"

His First's eyes were averted again.

"Jim…" He started to say.

"No no no no. Don't you Jim me. I want a fucking explanation and I want it now." He stepped toward his first officer and with as much force as possible grabbed his chin to turn the face towards him.

Not that he was actually physically capable of this task, but Spock let him.

"Why won't you look at me?" He asked roughly above a whisper his eyes starting to sting with tears.

Spock's eyes only met his. Jim again let out a frustrated sound as part of it was starting to make sense, Spock's eyes only met his. It was never all of his body, only his face. Without a second thought, he ripped away the towel that was snug around his waist and threw it to the floor.

"Look at _all _of me Spock." He said through gritted teeth, eyebrows furrowed in anger.

"I cannot." The Vulcan answered.

"And why the hell not!? Did you just decide you're done with me?! Is that it?! I can't be fixed so you're…you're giving up on me?" The last sentence was strained as Jim's heart hammered loudly between his ears giving painful thuds.

Spock's eyes were locked on his own the pain and anguish there and his First wishing he could somehow alleviate what he was causing.

"I've been through enough shit as it is Spock; I don't need this from you." He let out. Finally looking away.

Jim wasn't the only one that had been through a lot. As if staying up every evening and having to suppress the fear and worry. As if the possibility of never seeing his _T'hy'la_ again was something he would be able to overcome.

He might not have been physically and mentally tortured, but his dark thoughts and the unknowns were right up there. They were emotionally strong, and draining for having to control them but all the same unsure if, he should feel them. The high cost of being a hybrid of human and Vulcan makeup.

What he was going to say next might have come across as selfish but now he didn't seem to care.

"I too have been through many trials and tribulations. Seeing you at your worst is-"

He was cut off as lips were pressed hard against his own and his hands were stolen away from him to be placed in the meld points on Jim's face.

"Then _look_." He growled.

"Jim, I-"

Another fierce kiss. As lips and teeth nipped and sucked both men broke away breathing hard afterwards.

Spock let out another breath and this time gave Jim a gentler, apologetic kiss.

"Alright," the Vulcan whispered.

He could still feel Jim's anger, but thought that once they melded it would ebb away.

Without any more hesitation except when his eyes were filled with adoration before closing, making Jim close his own as well he uttered the words needed as both opened their minds and hearts.

"My mind to you mind…"

_My thoughts to you thoughts._

_He spoke in Jim's head once the meld had been complete. Jim could feel Spock's emotions as mental fingers brushed along his own. _

"_T'hy'la, I would never 'give up on you' I was merely giving you the courtesy of privacy is all." _

_Suddenly being closer and connected allowed Spock to speak his mind freely, the words he could not find earlier were there laid out in coherent sentences for Jim to see. _

_He felt guilt from his captain as anger disappeared like the Vulcan had predicted. _

_Kirk's thoughts were tormented and distraught._

"_Do not worry so much. You have much to show me, and I you. Care to start?"_

_Jim was wrapped up in a warm embrace that was more than a regular hug, it was the essence of Spock encompassing him in folds of a starry black as his own bright sunshine of yellow shined from the loving touch._

"_Yeah." he answered softly, still unsure and guilty. He clung to the Vulcan as the images flooded their connection. _

_The torture…_

_The chase…_

_More Torture…_

_Mind games…_

_The rape…_

_What were the beginnings of Jim's mind deteriorating as he hallucinated…_

_Red started to bleed through like a crimson sunset that held onto Kirk, searing hot._

"_SPOCK!" He screamed from the emotion that had unintentionally wrapped around him. _

_Jim could feel tears pricking at the back of his eyes as he shook from the raw energy that coursed through them. _

_So much anger._

_Moreover, it was all directed at Jim._

_Because he didn't stop Jayce, because he was weak, a failure._

_The Vulcan slowly got a handle on emotions realizing they were affecting his T'hy'la. _

_Spock's hold in Jim tightened as he tried to flee and turn away. _

"_No. Do not run."_

"_And why not? You don't need to see this. I mean, I deserve your anger, but don't you think I've been through enough?"_

_There was shock and surprise as the sky convulsed into a shimmery night again. _

"_My anger was not directed toward you"_

_There was a scoff in Kirk's voice. _

"_Yeah right. Look, if you don't want me anymore then just end this now, because I just can't-"_

_Kirk was cut off not by so much as a kiss, but a caress so soft to his cheeks and lips. A mere whisper that made his insides unravel and come apart._

_A dry sob escaped as he fell back into the warmth around him._

"_You are acting ridiculous again. I care for you Jim, my anger was a result of someone harming you." Spock chided softly, that same anger brushing around the out edges of the sun in his night sky._

"_It's wrong Spock, what happened to me is wrong and irreversible and I can't change it as much as I want to I can't and it's killing me. I should have stopped him," he babbled_

"_There was no way you could have. Allow me to assist you, T'hy'la. This burden does not have to be yours alone to bear."_

_Jim hid himself in the warmth as it all poured fourth, everything up until this point. This also included his thoughts while in sickbay, meeting his father, being a captive of his own mind._

_Everything._

"_Why aren't you turning away? I have no use anymore."_

"_I am here because I accept all of you, as you do me."_

_Jim started to feel drained and tired as he began to fall into the night that cloaked him._

"_Show me.," he echoed. He held onto the figure embracing him wanting to do the same. _

_An all too quiet sigh escaped in the confines of their minds as images from Spock's half of the rescue was flashed before Jim's eyes._

_The sleepless nights…_

_The power struggle against admirals…_

_Uhura and everyone else's concern…_

_The worry…_

_The fear…_

_Such strong emotions…_

_Killing Jayce…_

_Jim's heart clenched and thudded hard in his chest. _

_Spock had been through a lot of stress as well. Jim was able to hear the thoughts behind the reasoning. What he thought was rejection was merely Spock's way of stepping back to give Jim space._

_They still had a lot to learn about each other._

"_Oh Spock. I…had no idea."_

"_Do not fret, T'hy'la."_

"_Spock, I'm sorry. I just…you." Jim seemed to choke on the words as they caught in his throat._

"_I can't do this." he added swiftly._

"_You can."_

_Jim began to slip through the tresses of his black night his thoughts spiraling down to the depths of his insecurities. _

_It was a battle he was losing desperately the more he distanced himself from Spock _

"_I don't want to taint you." Was said in a mere broken whisper._

_His sunlight streams quivered in ebony holds. A sun beginning to hurtle towards a darkness that was not welcoming like the black of a starry night, suffocating the bright light._

"_Jim, T'hy'la."_

"_Spock-"_

_An outstretched beam of light trying to find a place to settle diminishing in a dark and vast space._

_Until._

_There is a different light, a shimmer of silver soft like the starry sky but protective as it encases him._

_Like armor._

_His knight._

_Oh._

_This all-encompassing fabric stretched around him, the hold tight and fitting like a glove so full of serenity, and calm._

_Spock was the compound that would stabilize the insecure isotope that was Jim, ready to implode on himself._

Both had fallen to the floor, Jim somehow being covered by Spock, as if some bomb had gone off in the room.

His breathing was hard he slowly felt the weight of his first officer leave his back as they both sat up.

Spock seemed to be breathing just as hard as Jim was from the hearty transfer of so much information.

He looked into the storm of electric blue eyes as they stared back, unblinking and unwavering.

His body was trembling as he leapt forward and wrapped his arms around his First's neck and kissing him.

So sweet and desperate in the same breath, Spock kissed back wrapping his arms around Kirk's bare waist, pulling him close as their chests touched radiating warmth.

Jim heart was beating a hundred miles a minute, hammering against the cage of his chest.

His Vulcan wrapped steady arms around him and lifted him up in a smooth and effortless motion.

Laying Jim on the bed, splaying his Captain before him he could see the marks, and scars, but also drank in the sight of the skin turning back to its golden glow, his hair with that blonde sheen and eyes a bright blue, full blown, pupils dilated as they looked into his own black pair.

Jim was ethereal perfection.

Spock crawled over to him ever so-slowly and cradled Jim's head with one hand as he ran attentive fingers over his frame with the other.

Fingers that left buzzing warmth in their wake on the cool skin, heating it and infusing love into Jim's bones, rattling his core.

A breathy gasp passed his pink lips and he closed his eyes under the touch, leaning into it, rather than turning away from the gentle hand.

Spock brought Jim's forehead to rest against his own, a small smile toying at the corners of his mouth as he stroked a pink, heated cheek with his thumb.

"_T'hy'la"_ he breathed.

Jim's eyes opened, vibrant as ever as he smiled back.

Spock's eyes were transfixed on the pink lips. He leaned in to capture them with his own making Jim sigh and tentatively kiss back one of his hands seeking Spock's for a kiss of the Vulcan sort.

When fingers connected, Jim was nearly overwhelmed from the love he felt, the adoration coming from his Vulcan hybrid.

"Spock-"

"Shhh," He hushed as a parent would a child, taking Jim's lips with his own again.

"Allow me to care for you." He whispered reaching up to run his free hand though Jim's blonde lockes, unbelievably soft under the pads of his fingers.

Jim leaned into the touch dropping his head onto Spock's lean shoulder his own pair giving a slight jump.

Their other hands clasped together the shots of emotion unrelenting making Jim's breath come in short gasps between planting kisses to Spock's shoulder and over his clavicle, trailing back up his jaw line to that spot behind his jaw, under his earlobe.

A low rumble reverberated in the Vulcan's chest from Jim sucking the sensitive spot. The hand carting through Jim's hair slid down his back, splayed against his the lower region as Spock pulled him closer, and laid back, his head hitting the mound of pillows and Kirk pressed up against him.

Every inch of skin possible touching, relishing in the extra body heat that came off his First Officer and taking safety, finding refuge in it.

Spock led Jim's free hand to the knot in his towel, both tugging it off as they were completely molded together by skin.

A contented sigh passed the blonde-haired man's lips from the feel he had been wanting for so long.

Spock pulled him down for another sweet kiss as he rolled his hips, coaxing, and seeking for more contact.

Jim's seemed to move as well, he let out a gasp as he panted against Spock's neck.

Spock gave the hand interlaced with his a gentle squeeze as they fell over his side, where his heart beat fluttered faster than a hummingbird's wings.

Remembering his hushed endearment of taking care of his _T'hy'la _the Vulcan kept true to his word.

Spock gently maneuvered his hand until they twined his palm flat against the back of Kirk's hand.

He guided them down his lithe form, smoothing over his left flank, down a strong thigh until it reached in between the curve of two cheeks, circling his entrance with Kirk's fingers.

He tilted his head to whisper in his lover's ear. "Show me."

Jim's head was turned towards Spock's with a gentle hand, his fingers still revolving around tender flesh below.

His breath caught as his lips were captured once more, the bottom one gently sucked on and ran over with a skilled tongue.

Jim nodded against Spock's lips, his free hand cupping his First's jaw line running his fingertips up and over the curvature of a pointed ear.

Spock's body quaked underneath him from the delicate touch. The Vulcan reached for the tube of lube stashed under the pile of regulated pillows.

He planted his mouth against Kirk's and thumbed the cap of the small tube he brought Jim's and his own intertwined hands and spread it on Jim's fingers with his free one, eliciting soft sighs from the Captain by the impromptu massage before leading them back down.

Jim took some control of the situation. He studied Spock's face as he inserted one finger and another, allowing the man underneath him to adjust before scissoring them.

He leaned down to lay claim to Spock's lips that parted against his own as he found the sweet bundle of nerves causing the normally stoic figure to arch into him.

Spock breathed heavily, kissing Jim and filling him with the same breath his eyes a warmer shade of black than normal and cheeks painted green.

Jim let out a small whimper as the hand that guided his own left and returned to his member, coating it with supple touches and strokes making Jim let out a small pleasant sound.

Spock's long fingers continued their stroking before firmly grabbing him and leading him towards his entrance.

Kirk's chest swelled as he panted for air while slowly pushing in, a firm grip on his shoulders gave a reassuring squeeze, encouraging him to continue.

Spock lavished Jim's face with kisses, sweet and subtle against the strong jaw line, over his heated cheeks, and between his brows.

Jim started a slow pace pushing in and slowly pulling back out before entering again, a comfortable rhythm that was familiar.

He buried his face in the crook of Spock's neck and inhaled deeply, a hand coming up to cradle his neck as he pushed in again finding that sweet spot.

For the first time a small moan escaped the Vulcan's lips making Jim's breath catch in his throat.

Kirk swallowed and caressed the side of Spock's face as he brushed against his prostate again wanting to hear him produce more of those wonderful sounds.

He leaned up to seek out Spock's lips, holding them with his own, his hand searching for the warmer one. Spock brought it up to rest against Jim's heart, wanting to feel the romantic stutter as it picked up.

They were languid and slow, exchanging subtly soft kisses and letting out breathy sighs and small mewls.

Spock gave Jim all the time in the world.

There was no rush, no hurry as time continued while they were in their own universe created for two.

They needed this.

Coming back together for the first time in months, they had been sending mixed signals since Jim had returned and this seemed to make everything so much clearer.

There was nothing to hide once you bared you mind, body, and soul.

Jim didn't want to speed up, but rolled his hips, adding a delicious friction to the erection firmly pressed between their stomachs. Spock let out another faint alien sound as his hooded eyes widened slightly and he brought Jim down for another kiss.

The Vulcan took the hand that was against his cheek and led it down to in between them to his throbbing member.

Jim smeared drops of pre-cum around the tip as he gave it a few strokes, hitting Spock with a particularly stimulating thrust.

The Captain could not quite seem to get the same feeling from the friction that he normally did.

He was hard, and warm, buried deep in his first officer, but the pure bliss of release would not come to him.

Spock could sense the worry coming off his lover and gently cradled Jim to himself switching their positions.

Jim let out a small gasp and continued to stroke Spock's hardened member as the Vulcan began to roll his hips into Jim.

His long fingers smoothed over his Captain's flanks and down to his hip rubbing the skin there and traveling down further to the juncture of hip and thigh his fingers just skimming the inside and Kirk arched into it.

Spock pressed a kiss to that sensitive spot before coming back to the full pink lips that were parted in an 'O' shape, lips glistening, as he took them with his own.

Jim kissed back and could feel that Spock was close, as close as Jim himself should have been, but was not.

He continued to stroke, a hand lay on top of his. The lips against his own breathed words of comfort.

"It is alright." Spock whispered.

Jim whimpered as his First did all the work, moving against him, keeping the beat to their gentle rocking rhythm.

Jim's hand was forced to slow with the one on top.

Lips brushed against his own, "Let it go." Spock continued in hushed tones.

Jim let out a dry sob clutching at a strong soldier.

"No one can harm you." He murmured butterfly kisses across Jim's cheeks and a long, full one to his lips.

Jim gasped, feeling the pit of his stomach coil in that familiar heat.

He tried to speak, but could not find the words.

Spock's free hand cradled his cheek stroking the side of his face, and moving down his neck to cup it and back up, kisses trailing behind his actions had Jim reduced to small cries and stutters gripping the strong shoulder and feeling tears prick the back of his electric baby blues.

Spock looked into those bewitching azure eyes that captivated and captured his heart.

With the utmost care he uttered the words he knew all too well would help his _T'hy'la _**needed** to hear.

"I love you Jim."

Jim's eyes widened as he lost it.

His was panting as his hand stammered in his stroking.

Stars burst behind his closed eyes and he felt Spock take a bounding leap across that edge with him.

Jim came and spilled his seed inside Spock as the First Officer made a mess across their stomachs.

His Vulcan collapsed against him, breathing hard as well before pulling out and swiftly rolling over, cradling Jim to his chest.

He stroked the cornfield blonde head of hair as Jim grabbed for his hand and gasped for air, heart still erratic as a runaway train.

"Spock, I- oh God" He covered a hand over his mouth as tears began to spill from his eyes and he stifled a sob.

Alarmed, Spock sat up, with Jim and held him in a strong embrace.

"I- j-just. I'm so so-sorry." He tried for more words but instead it was a sob as his shoulders shook.

Spock made shushing sounds as his mother would for him as a small child and stroked his Captain's hair.

"It s over Jim. There is nothing to fear." He repeated as his Captain buried his head against the lean chest.

"I love you." he said lowly in Kirk's ear, which was only received with another broken cry.

He truly did love him, it was the one emotion he never could suppress after meeting Jim and right now, he felt it more strongly than ever as the broken sobs pained him greatly.

Jim choked and coughed as more tears spilled, whimpering. Spock lifted his chin up and brushed his lips across his cheeks capturing the tracks the tears left in their wake.

Kirk's body shook as he tried to hide his face, but Spock held it firmly.

"No Jim, look at me." He urged gently.

Blue eyes were bloodshot and becoming puffy underneath nose red and sniffling. The drops of saline kept falling down his face; the sounds that escaped were uncontrollable.

"Oh Spock, I-I-" damn his mouth he couldn't even finish a sentence without choking up and the liquid spilling from his eyes.

"Jim, be calm," he breathed kissing him again, the salt of tears mingling in the taste of all that was Jim.

"Spock, I love you so much." He whispered.

"And I you," he returned stroking a flushed cheek.

"You require rest. The meld has left you in such a critical state. Relax."

"Pl-please stay." He asked panicked and grabbing the Vulcan's wrist.

"I was not going anywhere. I will not leave you." He said words fused with the sincerity in his dark eyes.

He wiped away more tears and led Jim to lie back down. He held onto him, an anchor in the sea of emotion that would drown Jim.

More seemed to come and all he could do was hold him and whisper reassurances. Kissing anywhere his lips could reach and clasping Jim's hand. Something that was familiar and comforting as he cried himself to sleep.

Spock followed him not long after, pulling the covers over them and shifting closer, intertwining their legs as the evened out breathing and the steady rhythm of Jim's heart put him to sleep as well.

No nightmares,

No catastrophic incidents,

Just sweet slumber.

They were asleep late into the morning.

McCoy did not know this.

He figured he was being ignored.

He paiged the damn room enough times with no respnse.

Being his cantankerous self he deicided to march down there and do things the old-fashioned way, (but with an arsenal of hypo's to wield if told otherwise.)

He chimed fore the door a dozen time upon reaching the quarters he let out a growl and harrumphed a bit more before rattling out the override code for the system.

He was about to yel when he pasued mid-step by the sight before him.

Spock again was cradling Jim to his chest, the young Blonde's face cherubic and innocent. He looked like he had been crying but his face was peaceful in his state of deep sleep.

Spock had shifted on the bed, in turn making Jim burry himself closer, but neither waking.

He puffed up his cheeks and placed his hands on his hips before turning away and shaking his head.

"Damn pointy eared bastards and pain in the ass Captains." He muttered to himself.

What sounded like a reprimand was accompanied with a smirk as the good doctor headed back to sickbay with a chuckle.

______________________________________________________

A/N: It's been a fun ride folks. Epilogue coming up next! Love Ya'll *mwuah*


	11. I Caught Fire

A/N: Last chapter my darlings! It has truly been a joyous adventure. I've have thoroughly enjoyed writing this. I want to thank all that Review/favorite/alert and review. And those who stalk. I've stalked. It's all good. Here's to one last hurrah!

Warnings: Some lovin'…okay a lot of lovin' :3 enjoy.!

* * *

Epilogue: I Caught Fire

_One year later_

Jim yawned and stretched against the warm body he was laying against, relishing in the warmth that spread through his muscles afterwards.

He curled back up, on top of his _T'hy'la's_ chest like a feline and gave a quiet sigh.

It wasn't like Jim to wake up first. Normally Spock was well up before the lazy Captain that enjoyed sleeping in more than the routinely, early rising, Vulcan.

Kirk settled his hand over the fluttering heart that rested in Spock's side while his other hand's digits traced the muscles of the lean abdomen.

Dark lashes fluttered to reveal black eyes before they closed again for a moment and Spock pulled Jim closer.

"Why are you awake?" his First questioned lowly. "It is much too early. Even _I _do not wake at this untimely hour this early in the morning."

"Can't sleep." Jim muffled, as he hid his face against Spock's neck.

The hybrid's long fingers threaded through Jim's hair at the nape of his neck as he turned his head to brush his lips against one of Kirk's exposed temples.

"Perhaps I can remedy the situation?" He asked lifting a brow a small smirk gracing his lips.

Jim pulled back with a big grin.

Unable to control himself he kissed the corner of Spock's mouth only to be pleasantly surprised as the Vulcan's head turned at the last moment to capture his lips instead.

Jim's hand moved to the curvature of a slim hip and rubbed his thumb into the bone.

Spock's own hand went to kiss Jim's, fingers vigorously rubbing together.

"Hmmmmm Someone's a little needy." Jim hummed with a chuckle.

"You will have to pardon me for indulging." he answered in a low murmur, delving a tongue into Kirk's welcome, open mouth.

They rolled over until Jim was underneath with the strong Vulcan hovering over him.

The Captain moaned into the kiss and wrapped an arm around Spock's back, to bring him closer. His hand dipped below the thin sheet to the small of his back, then lower groping a firm cheek and pulling him in.

Bodies met in perfect synchronization to each other.

Spock rolled into Jim, the friction on their swelling organs only making them grow as the blonde-haired man underneath writhed in pleasure, gasping for air.

"Spock!" he puffed, nails lightly digging into the strong back as he arched into the body above him.

Jim's shoulder's gave an involuntary jump as a slick finger teased the outer ring of his entrance.

Spock kissed the broad expanse of Jim's chest, the muscles tensing and relaxing underneath the sweet ministrations as the younger man tried to regulate his breathing.

"Relax." he whispered.

Jim nodded and brought him down for another kiss deepening it as the first long digit pushed past the ring of muscles and was then joined by a second.

He stole the breath from Spock's lungs as he panted for air.

The Vulcan's cheeks had turned a fresh grass green from the noises Jim made causing Spock to let out a rumbled growl deep in his throat.

The First Officer scissored his fingers making sure Jim was well stretched, giving his prostate a few good strokes that elicited shudders before sheathing his green, throbbing, cock in lube and directing it to Jim's entrance.

Jim somewhat shocked his Vulcan mate by burying the pulsating member inside with one swift movement that made Spock lose his breath.

"_T'hy'la"_ he gasped. Legs were wrapped around his waist urging him to continue.

An arm adorned Spock's neck, tangling in his hair while the other hand grasped his tightly, always greedy for more of that extra contact.

There was love and lust thrumming pleasantly through both their frames from the mental connection.

Their pace was faster than usual, but precise and just as rewarding. Especially with the delectable sounds that the Captain made, and the shudders Jim evoked from his First.

Spock was about to push in again as he sucked on Jim's bottom lip when he was caught off guard.

He was rolled underneath the brash young man while being distracted by his pretty pink lips that had moved to his ear licking and sucking on the lobe before nipping at the tip.

Jim could feel it heat up between his teeth and knew it was that shade of green that he was so drawn to as Spock let out an alien sound that the Captain could never make.

With a grin he sat up. Spock's eyes opened halfway as he looked up at the man above him. Knowing already what Jim desired he raised his legs to support his lover's back as Kirk pushed himself up before letting gravity take him back down on the organ inside him.

Jim bit his lip and threw his head back as he continued. Spock's hands went to grasp the backs of strong thighs to lend more of his strength to Jim.

Helping him push up before he came back down, each time muscles clenching as it hit his prostate dead-on.

Jim grabbed Spock's hands with his own as he did all the work himself.

His cheeks were a dark pink and on a particular thrust he let out a cry. Yelling out Spock's name as he gripped his hands.

Kirk's cock bobbed on the Vulcan's stomach, leaking drops of pre-cum on his abdominals with each thrust.

Unable to stand it anymore he sat up, wrapping an arm around his love before pulling him in for another deep kiss, swallowing his cries as he teased the head of his hard-on.

Distracting the gasping Captain, he flipped them back over as he thrust into Jim. The Vulcan's eyes were open and filled with a longing and adoration he hadn't felt in a long while.

Chalk it up to a few good months of being unable to do anything remotely rough with the man underneath him that was currently writhing in pleasure.

Jim was on sensory overload from the feather light strokes to his shaft in contrast to the thrusting hips of his Vulcan hybrid.

He could feel the all too familiar heat coil in his stomach that was ready to spring.

Spock's skilled, rough tongue lavished him with open mouth kisses, but when they moved over the scar that ran down the side of his neck, he lost it.

With a loud moan he rolled his hips and purposefully clamped down on the throbbing member inside him.

They came together and rode out their orgasm in a desperate tangle of limbs, tightening their hold on the other.

Arms clasped around their respective mate as tightly as possible, enjoying the feeling of another body, of contact, skin.

Jim's chest rose and fell rapidly trying to get his breathing back under control. He buried his face in the crook of Spock's neck laying lazy kisses onto the skin.

Spock's head rested atop Kirk's as his eyes momentarily closed and was relaxed by the cool lips on his heated and flushed flesh.

His green tinted fingers trailed over Jim's back, careful not to linger on certain reminders and lightly trailed over others.

Jim shuddered slightly, from the touch, or the haunted string of consciousness that visited every once in a while Spock wasn't sure.

Spock stopped abruptly only to have his hand grabbed by Jim and to be placed on his back again.

Their hands connected telling him it was ok. "I'm fine." Jim sighed kissing his neck again, "but thank you" he added in a soft whisper a smile at the corner of his mouth as his eyelids fluttered closed again over bright blues.

Spock continued until Jim's breathing evened out his lips quirked upward at the light snoring Jim produced in his state of slumber. He carefully pulled out and laid him down on the bed, placing a kiss to his forehead making his face and nose scrunch up cutely from the tingling sensation before turning on his side.

Not that the half-Vulcan would ever admit that it was cute.

Spock retrieved a damp towel to wipe up himself and then Kirk who barely even stirred from the normally ticklish ministrations. Apparently he was worn out enough to fall back asleep from their activities.

Spock padded over to the chute and dropped the soiled cloth before making his way back over to the bed and pulling Jim close before covering both of them.

He looked over to the wall chronometer, numbers glaring back and knew for once he could rest easy.

After all.

Today was special.

With that last thought he was brought back to reality as Jim snuggled closer to his beau that made quite a nice furnace in the chill of the sheets.

With a small smile Spock pulled Jim closer and back onto his chest where he belonged and the young Captain amazingly stopped squirming.

The Vulcan refrained from rolling his eyes and settled for holding Jim's hand and fell back into a more peaceful slumber along with his lover.

***

The alarm rang out and as usual Jim slept through it while Spock took care of it, turning off the incessant and annoying beeping that was rather loud to his pointed ears.

The still slightly asleep zombie-like Captain pulled Spock back down and grumbled incoherently.

"Jim. It is time to wake."

Jim nuzzled Spock's slightly stubble cheek and rumbled rather huskily. "5 more minutes."

Which was quite comical compared to the cuddly actions of the badass Captain.

Spock rather enjoyed the feeling and the sentiment of such a small action and nuzzled back in the privacy of their bedroom.

But only here.

The Vulcan placed his hands on his lovers hips and moved them up his flanks making him shiver.

Jim was now fully awake as he squirmed in Spock's strong hands that had a gentle hold.

"It would be imperative that we see Doctor McCoy as early as possible for your evaluation."

Jim pouted and rolled off his lover to scoot up next to him. The Vulcan's hold on his hips never leaving.

"I thought you might have missed the command chair, didn't think you'd be so willing to give it up." his hands moved over Spock's squeezing them lightly.

The Vulcan leaned in for a soft lingering kiss that was of the utmost care and respect.

"It is the Captain I miss." He responded in a low tone after Jim opened his bright blue eyes.

Fingers traced the scar on the side of Jim's neck before cupping it, making the blonde man lean into the touch with a sigh.

"I've been visiting the bridge. Not like I've been holed up in my bunk all day."

"There is a difference between your mere presence and you acting as Captain. It is something that I had grown accustomed to and am in need of again. The balance must be restored. " He added the last sentence after illogically letting what he truly felt slip past his lips.

Jim gave a wicked grin. "Oh you like it when I _command_ you Spock? Do you want to be _dominated? _Is that it?" he purred.

Jim had boldly moved to hover over the Vulcan, straddling his narrow waist and could see the twinkle of amusement in Spock's dark eyes that he got the joke.

He could have easily overtaken Jim, being the stronger of the two, but let the man have his fun as he kissed down the hybrid's stomach and back up to his lips.

"As much as I am…enjoying this. It is urgent that you see the Doctor."

Jim gave a sigh and a final kiss that was returned eagerly defeating what Spock had said.

"Shower with me?" he asked softly, almost hesitant.

"Of course." he answered wrapping his arms around Jim and carting him off to the bathroom.

Their shower of course was interrupted and took longer than if they had done it individually but Jim still had an aversion to water, and Spock was okay with that.

***

Jim's legs swung easily as he sat in the bio-bed and put back on the colors of his Captaincy.

Bones had been in his office for some time and Kirk was starting to get fidgety and nervous.

His back tensed up and his shoulders gave a slight twitch before warm hands were placed over them.

Spock couldn't tell Jim not to be nervous because it was perfectly understandable he just had hoped by now the skitters of muscle spasms would disappear.

They had already, immensely.

It was still hard to see.

"Sorry." Jim whispered feeling the guilt through the contact as his hands covered his worried Vulcan's and he tipped his head forward to lay his fore-head against Spock's lean stomach and let out a long, heavy sigh.

He stared at the familiar blue fabric as he spoke,

"I'm just nervous," he answered, lips twitching with a sheepish smile.

"Indeed. It is quite reasonable, and surely the results will come out in our favor."

"Yeah I hope so, but Bones has been in there for a long time."

"The Doctor is more than likely 'double-checking' everything. He would not wish to make a mistake in such a big decision."

"I guess you're right."

Spock simply placed a hand on the back of Jim's head, supporting him mentally and physically. His fingers scratched at the nape of his neck lightly, where his hair ended and skin began as he looked down with his deep black eyes and felt worry and nervousness thrum through the contact.

He laid a kiss to the top of Jim's head as the whoosh of a door made them both jump and pull apart, as if shocking the other.

McCoy paid no mind as he made an attempt to hide his emotions which would clearly make his face break into a shit-eating grin. Which would match Jim's own after he stopped worrying and paid attention.

"You've made on helluva recovery Jimmy boy! Granted you're still kinda' twitchy, but that's manageable, it's not severe."

Jim smirked and nodded, " Really bones!? That's great!" His face did break into said rin, before more worry returned, furrowing his blonde brows, "But what about…mentally? I mean, am I _really_ ready for this sort of thing?"

Bones let out a sigh and looked over at Spock.

That damn green eared bastard was the reason why Jim was doing so well. If Jim didn't have him for his support system he could have easily gone insane…or worse. Bones didn't want to voice it. He didn't want to dwell on the fact that Jim could've been gone.

But no.

That **did not **happen.

In a way, he needed to give Spock a big thank you for doing what he might not have been able to manage on his own had the Vulcan been absent or left Jim…that would have broken him and he could've kissed his captaincy sayonara.

He let out another gust of air and gave a shrug. "You're ready enough." He continued in his drawl. "Darlin', some things take a long time. I know we originally were expectin' you to get back in the chair after a month or so, but we didn't know the extent of the damage back then. Eventually you'll be back to your chipper ol' self, but I trust you enough to not let what's goin' on in yer head to interfere with your commandin' of a ship. Plus, you've got quite a crew to back ya up." Bones explained casually in his languid drawl.

Jim nodded enthusiastically, trusting his good friend and doctor. "Thanks Bones." he answered, clapping his friend on the shoulder. "I'm glad I can count on you." Such a simple statement was infused with sincerity and honesty in his words and bright blues.

"Always." Bones answered his good friend, and gave another genuine smile. Kirk slipped off the bed and grabbed Spock's hand to bring him into the conversation, rather than observing like an exotic wall flower.

"I'm gonna' head to the bridge and let everyone know, you two coming with?" He asked a large smile illuminating his tanned skin and his true blues filled with the same light of his smile, looking more like a god than a Captain in gold.

Spock had to clear his head as it filled with nothing but Jim. They both had the decency to blush as his awe and adoration was clear through their connected hands.

McCoy cleared his throat awkwardly.

Once gaining both of their attention he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned a hip against the bio-bed Jim was occupying a few seconds earlier.

"I would like to speak to Spock for a minute or two. We don't wanna' spoil yer moment. Go bask in your glory, give that chair of yers a good sit." he let out smiling and his hazel eyes bright with enthusiasm and care for his best friend.

Jim nodded eagerly and practically sprinted down the hall like an excited puppy that finally got to go outside and play.

Bones let out a chuckle while shaking his head in fond exasperation. The good Doctor looked over at Spock and caught the upturn of his lips and the adoration that showed in his eyes, better than it would have on his face.

McCoy's usual scowl softened making Spock catch his eyes and school his face back into neutrality.

The Doctor cleared his throat and nodded his head toward his office in a gesture for both of them to move in that direction. Once inside they sat in their respective chairs and the CMO lounged back for a moment before pursing his lips and leaning forward, he slowly slid open the top drawer of his desk to pull out a box while he spoke then slid his hands in the form of a steeple before speaking.

"I just got it back from engineering this morning." He drawled as Spock eyed the gold satin and blue embroidered package before hesitantly-a mere millisecond's hesitation- picking it up and carefully opening the lid to reveal the ring he had picked out for his love months ago nestled in a sea of blue.

"Scotty did the job himself." McCoy answered as Spock lifted the ring out of the box to insepct it, holding it delicately in his fingers.

The titanium band shining back as the square diamond in the middle that wasn't small, but wasn't extravagant either. Just the right size to slip out of view from prying eyes. It caught in the flourescents of the office gleaming brightly.

He caught sight of the inscription in an elegant font. Reading it to himself the words "_T'hy'la, ek'wak_." inscribed on the inside of the ring.

He gently rested it in the blue satin lining and closed it, releasing a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.

McCoy's eyes softened as he carefully studied the subtle changes in the Vulcan. He figured now was his chance to say what's been on his mind because it was rather important in pertaining to what was dear to both of them.

"Are you sure about this?" He asked.

Jim above all else was his friend. The Doctor _**was not **_going to allow the young man he cared for to have his heart broken.

"I can assure you doctor I am as prepared as I can be. Though, I must confess in using a colloquial Terran term as "butterflies" residing in my abdomen."

Bones shook his head and gave a chuckle. "Well it's just nerves Spock, and that's understandale. Just if you're not sure about the person-Jim- I mean, then I may have a bone to pick with you." He answered, crossing his arms and face becoming serious.

"I honestly have never been more sure about someone in my life than I am of Jim." He answered back, his voice full of confidence, compared to the suggested butterflies.

"Well, good." he said with a sharp nod before continuing, "Jim's one of those people that may act like an arrogant, cocky, self-centered, brat on the outside, but internally he's way more complicated than that. Course, you should know this by now, but honestly I'm not sure I could've helped him as a friend in the ways you did this past year." He pursed his lips and looked the Vulcan in the eye, "He hasn't ever been dealt the best hand in the deck, and he needs someone to reassure him and care for him."

Bones took another breath. "He'd probably would have gone completely insane if you hadn't been there to help him through it Spock. So really this old counrty doctor is just tryin' to convey his thanks for saving his best friend." Bones ended his speech, a heat spreading though his neck and up into his cheeks as he tried to scowl.

It was defeated by the blush.

Spock gave a nod and slipped the box with the ring into his pocket as they continued to have a chat and give Jim some time to get re-aquainted with the bridge and his crew.

***

He stepped out of the turbo lift getting nods and smiles from passing ensigns, but the skeletal crew members turned in their chairs, attentive in hearing the verdict of Jim's checkup.

He schooled his face much like his Vulcan First Officer, Spock would be proud…if Vulcans ever felt such a thing.

Which was probably illogical anyhow, but the anxious crew looked on not saying a thing until Sulu Spoke up, "So uh, what's the news Jim?"

Jim leveled him a mock glare, "That's Captain Kirk to you helmsman." he said, unable to keep a straight face and broke out into a smile.

Sulu smirked back and gave a mock salute, "Yes sir!"

Jim gave a nod and walked over to check out their station as Sulu continued to smile and Chekov's big puppy dog eyes looked up at his Captain and he too could not help the wide smile that lit up his youthful face. "Eet is good to hawe you bak Keptan." He said, words heavy with his Russian accent.

Jim gave a smirk back, "It's good to be back," he responded with feeling. He laid a hand on each of their shoulders clapping them on the back before heading over to Uhura's station.

Jim leaned a hip against her console as she turned toards him, ponytail swishing in the air behind the movement. "What about you miss Uhura? Did ya' miss me?"

She gave a shrug but couldn't help the smile that spread because Jim was grinning like an idiot.

It was infectious to say the least. "Yeah, I guess." She leaned in for a conspiratorial whisper, "But I know someone who missed you more." She gave a wink to a flabbergasted Kirk who had the decency to blush.

Kirk motioned for her to follow him into the turbo lift so no-one could overhear, and once inside he spoke his piece.

He spluttered out a reply in quiet tones, "I-I- uh…was it that obvious?"

She shook her head, "not really, just…interesting, but there's nothing to worry about. You're uh, secret is safe with me. Not like I'm going to rat you boys out or anything."

"You're not mad?" He asked big blue eyes still vulnerable, and unsure.

When the Communications Officer looked at him she could read between the lines, partially because she was good at her job and could decipher any language. That included ones of the bodily sort. She imagined some of the things the Captain had been through.

To see such a thing, and be put through so much, but that was quickly dismissed. He was a big boy.

"No, of course not. What he and I had… wasn't meant to last. I wasn't so much a convenience, but just, I gave him a different comfort and love from what he needs now."

Jim took it all in and nodded his head. "Thank you." he whispered.

She nodded and hesitantly squeezed his shoulder which jumped under her touch.

Uhura's brows furrowed slightly but Jim shook it off with a smile. "Don't worry about it."

She nodded and opened the door to the lift to exit back out onto the bridge. Jim followed, settled into his chair with a sigh and leaned back to lace his fingers on the back of his neck. "Good to be back." he murmured.

"Sulu, uh Status report?"

"Everything is in the clear Captain. Nothing has happened and we're to reach the starbase in the next week or so, sir."

"Alright, Thank you." Once again a big grin broke out onto his face as he relaxed further into the chair and his eyes fluttered closed momentarily before opening at the sound of the turbo-lift opening.

There was a presence at his side as he opened his eyes again and turned to look at his First Officer.

"Is everything well Captain?"

Jim's heart swelled at the sound of his title, even if he preferred Spock call him by name.

"In working order Mr. Spock."

He inclined his head and stayed by the chair, eyeing him carefully wanting to make sure he wasn't "bullshitting" as humans put it.

Or it could've been the fact he was possessive and over protective no matter how illogical it sounded.

The first shift back went off without a hitch. Jim asked what was needed, filled out his paperwork, and took the necessary breaks-only because Spock reminded him- All-in-all it wasn't a bad day.

He let out a sigh as he began to head for the turbo lift at the end of his shift, "Alrighty then Mr. Su- Wait, Spock…Your shift ended as well." He didn't want to sound suspicious but it would help if his First Officer left with him like normal.

"I will join you for our routine chess match in a moment, Captain. There is a few more forms that require my attention."

Jim shook his head and sighed, "Whatver you say. You know where to find me." With a confirming nod from the Vulcan Jim enterred the turbo lift and ordered to go to the observation deck instead.

Still on the bridge the crew huddled around the science station.

Sulu crossed his arms with a smirk and bumped into Chekov, "So operation: Surprise slash Welcome back party for the Captain is a go?"

"That would be a correct assessment Helmsman."

Chekov also broke out into a smile as he spoke, "Tonight in ze mess hall correct meester Spock?"

"That is the plan. You may finish preparations while I occupy the Catain's time until Dinner."

"Sounds like a good plan to me." Uhura chimed in with a nod and a smile for Spock. He nodded and "left them to it." While he went to find his Captain, hand fiddling with the box in his pocket.

Once he reached Jim's quarters and there was no trace of the man he had his mind set on, there was an inexplicable feeling of panic in his chest as his heart felt as if it thudded harder in his side, rattling his rib-cage.

He went to the nearest wall unit, ordering it tell him the location of Jim. If Spock were human he would have slapped a palm against his fore-head for not thinking of such an obvious location.

***

Jim stared out at the vast expanse of space and let out a small sigh. The day was long, but rewarding to know he could spend it in command of his bridge and his lovely lady.

He barely heard the doors to the lift opening and soft footsteps echoing in the quiet of the deck as Spock gently wrapped his arms around Kirk from behind, careful as not to startle him.

The Captain laid his head back on a strong, lean shoulder and let out another gust of air. "Hey." He answered simply, hands covering the ones possessively holding his waist.

"Hello," Spock responded laying a lingering kiss against the human's neck, skin prickling with goosebumps.

"There is a matter I wish to discuss with you." the Vulcan added, voice low and soothing as it washed over Jim, making him lean into the man that held him.

"Oh?"

There was a nod against his shoulder before strong hands turned Jim around to face the hybrid. Spock searched his eyes for a moment, and could feel the love and wonder in Jim from splaying his hands on the younger man's hips.

"I am sure you know what today is, and I do not mean the star date."

The Blonde male's eyes widened. "Of course I know." He he said lowly, eyes reverted to the floor.

Spock took Jim's chin in his hand so their eyes met once more. "How can I forget the day you saved me? It wasn't exactly the most shining moment in my life, but it was memorable." He explained eyes sad and lips starting to turn into an upsetting smile.

This was not going the way Spock planned, he brought Jim in for a soft kiss, lips encouraging and delicate against the pink pair, open and savoring the other. They slowly pulled apart, Jim taking a few gasps for air and arms tensing slightly.

"I… _hope_ that now you will remember it for a different reason."

"What is it that you want to discuss with me Spock?" Jim's voice was strained as emotions bubbled up from the well just underneath his skin. He grabbed one of Spock's hands and held their fingers together.

Slowly Spock tilted that hand in his own until their palms touched and fingers were splayed against the other, before tangling those hands together and seeing into those bright blue eyes.

Spock's breath caught in his throat for a moment, from looking at Jim with the stars as his backdrop, skin a light flush and hair in a well thought out dissarray.

He caressed one of Jim's cheeks before getting on one knee and meeting the floor.

Jim's head tilted in wonder and his brows came together.

Sometimes the human could be so dense.

"_T'hy'la." _Spock breathed the name, deep black pools meeting blue.

The hand connected to his humming with nervousness. Jim's eyes widened, "Spock?!"

He put a finger up to prevent him from speaking and Jim placed a hand over his mouth. "As you know quite well, I am not one for human traditions and extravagant ceremonies. For you though, this is one I wish to perform. I am asking for your hand in what is deemed as marriage on Earth, but as a life-mate in my own foreign land. I wish to be with you…forever. However long that may be for the two of us. I realized this when I nearly lost you. I cannot bear the fact that we do not have a deeper mind link, and that would have been a way to find you sooner."

Jim's body gave an involuntary shudder, but Spock squeezed the hand he was holding so dear in ressurance.

"James Tiberius Kirk, will you accept my offer? A hand in marriage as well as a commitment to being my bond mate, for life." Spock, despite earlier trepadtions said the words with feeling, the words he'd rehearsed for months in his own head, and in front of friends to be sure he got them right, The box was effortlessly pulled out of his pocket, and flipped open to show the ring resting inside in a sea of blue.

The blue that matched Jim's eyes, which were now on the brink of spilling over with tears.

"Spock-I…I don't know what to say."

The Vulcan returned to full stature and brought Jim close, pressing into him and kissing his forehead as Jim looked at the ring in disbelief. "If you do not wish to take this step in our relationship…I will understand. We can remain as we are, but I wish to fix these ties which we have severed. To mend them, make them stronger."

Jim watched tears uknowingly plip onto the box that was held under his chin.

"Yes." He whispered, looking back up at his First Officer, now turned fiancé. "I'll marry you Spock. I'll also be your bondmate, for however long we'll live." His broke out into a smile.

Spock's own face, for the first time in his life, was widened by the full onset of his smile, white teeth shining and lines crinkling at the corners of his eyes. Jim was in awe and was grinning even wider as he pulled Spock in for a kiss.

Maddening chaste kisses being pressed to the grinning lips, hands clasped as they broke away and Spock fumbled to put the ring on Jim's finger, being overwhelmed with postive emotions he couldn't quell.

He didn't exactly want to either. This was Jim, it was perfectly logical to be emotional when it came to Jim. To see him happy, and breathless, and crying tears of joy. That was what made him cherish his human half, and made him thank whoever controlled the universe that he did not undergo _kohlinar_.

He would have never been able to love this man the way he does. He was brought back out of his internal musings as Jim brought them to the floor with more kisses. "I love you Spock." Jim breathed, "So much. Thank you. For. Everything." each word punctuated with a kiss or a brush of lips.

"I love you as well Jim." He murmured black eyes alight with a smirk that slowly faded as lips met once again. "and you are quite welcome." He kissed him again, making Jim sigh softly and tangle a hand in the hair at the nape of Spock's neck.

Jim pulled away again to stare at Spock, wanting to fill all of his senses with nothing but his lover. "_T'hy'la_." Jim tested.

"Yes."

"Wh-what does a a Vulcan ceremony entail…What do we have to do?"

He bit his lower lip, blue eyes unsure.

"We can complete the first part tonight. It is a rather…intimate activity."

Jim's cheeks heated to a bright pink and he gave a nod.

Spock wrapped his arms around the Captian's waist anr brought them both back up to stand again.

The Vulcan was about to make an excuse to visit the mess hall, when Jim's stomach made one for him, gurgling and making the blonde shake his head with a flush.

"Guess I could go for a bite to eat."

"Indeed, the mess hall would be a sufficient facility for such an activity. We may also couple this with a game of chess?" He added with the lift of a sleek brow.

"Sure, Spock." Jim answered back with a nod, biting his lower lip that was still breaking out into a grin.

Kirk covered his hand over his mouth. "I'm sorry. I just…I can't stop smiling. I would be upset today, but this…what you've given me." he walked forward into welcoming arms that practically beckoned him and spelled out the comfort of 'home'.

He took refuge in Spock's embrace, a hand gently cradling the back of his head while the other was secure around his waist.

"I understand what you mean. It was my intent to ease some of the pain. I do not wish to see you in such a state, I care for you deeply." Spock confessed, running his hand through Jim's hair. Jim nodded and sighed as it lasted a few more moments, before they both slowly pulled away and headed up to the rec room.

Sulu and Chekov were finishing up the streamers and Uhura was setting out the food while other ensigns and yeomans chatted quietly amongst each other, the room buzzing with excitement for the return of their Captain.

"I sink we hawe done enuff." the young whiz kid claimed in his Russian accent. Sulu helped him off the table the gold shirt stood on, the Russian nodding an approval.

"Everything's set up, all that's left is to hide." Uhura commented

McCoy walked over to them drink already in hand

A young brunette yeoman was at the door keeping watch. She told everyone to duck down and keep quiet.

The crew got into position and the lights turned out.

Jim was too wrapped up in his First Officer to notice, hands intertwined for once. Which was only logical, especially since they'd have to notify Starfleet of the status change. Kind of hard to walk around with an engagement ring on and no fiance to show for it…yeah.

Spock called out to turn the lights on, "Computer, lights seventy five percent."

The automated response was never heard over the roar of more than a hundred crewman shouting; "SURPRISE!" all together.

It was a wall of sound that made Jim's eyes widen in well earned surprise, clasping his hands over his smiling face and bending in half in laughter.

"Oh man, no way! I-I can't believe you guys." he put fists on his hips and shook his head with a chuckle. "Thank you." he responded, looking into the smiling faces of his crew members. Eyes were shining back with the same happiness and glee.

"You're our Captain, and we've missed you." Yeoman Rand voiced, getting plenty of head nods and voiced agreements.

Jim broke out into another giant grin. "I'm just in a bit of shock is all." he added McCoy parted the crowd and stepped forward with a knowing smile.

He reached out to stand by Kirk and squeeze his shoulder. "Welcome back Jimmy." he whispered near his ear. Jim just kept the big grin plastered to his face.

"I think you've got good news for these folks as well." He added in a low murmur.

Jim nodded not entirely surprised, "You knew?"

"How could I not? Besides, a certain green-eared bastard had been planin' it for months." the good doctor continued.

"I don't know what to think anymore…I just…"

"Go on Jimmy, they love ya, I think they deserve a speech from their fine Captain, and a bit of the truth."

Jim gave an affirmative nod and lightly brushed his fingers against Spock's before heading to the center of the room and clamboring up on a table eyeing his first officer, signaling for him to join his side…he was nervous.

He cleared his throat, but people still chatted he was about to give a holler when the young science officer that kept watch from earlier gave a whistle.

Everyone'svoices cut short and with a slight blush she presented the Captain who was scratching the back of his head sheepishly. "Uh, thanks, yeoman…?"

"T'Loren, I'm new sir."

"T'Loren," Kirk repeated with a small smirk before turning back to the crowd. "Alright folks, I'm not one for big grandeur speeches, so this is a rare opportunity. Plus I kinda have a surprise as well…" He let the sentence die off before clearing his throat nervously and starting again. "I just wanted to say thank you to all of you wonderful crew members. You guys seriously are awesome. No joke, I mean. I wouldn't trust just anyone with my ship, and the fact every one of you is here to celebrate my return…that's something. It honestly wouldn't have been possible without your help and support."

He took a breath and fiddled with the ring on his finger. "So anyways I'm no good at this speech giving shit and I was just trying to say thanks more or less. As for my uh, surprise. I'm uh…" Jim looked over at Spock, who sensed his unease and gracefully leapt onto the table, poised and right next to his Captain, his fiancé.

Jim's blue eyes were fierce as they steeled with determination, still elated with laughter and joy, an endorphin-induced happy high. "Right. I'm… well, I'm engaged." He told the room.

Some were broken into smiles while others wore puzzled expressions. "And exactly who are you engaged to, Jim?" A man's voice asked as he stepped through the sea of people, silver hair gleaming in the lighs of the room and blue-gray eyes filled with the same warmth and amusement.

Boy, coud this day get any more overwhelming?

"Admiral Pike, sir…"

"Relax, Jim." He said with the wave of his hand both Spock and him visibly slouched a bit, well, maybe not Spock. But Jim could pretend. Kirk knew he was tense because of the impending court date coming up for his murder trial…

The Captain let another wide smile grace his lips to reveal pearly whites as he purposely reached to grab one of Spock's hands and squeeze it in his own.

"I'm going to marry Spock." He said boldly, eyes daring anyone to speak up about it. "If any of you are uncomfortable with this then speak up, otherwise I don't wanna' hear it." Jim felt his stomach began to gnaw at itself in worry and he chewed on the inside of his lower lip.

He was brought back to the present as Spock's hand squeezed his back. Finally the crowd broke out into what seemed to be a rather jovial sound, Pike began to clap which was followed by McCoy then joined by his other senior officers and the rest of the crew broke out into a roar of applause and laughter, as Scotty shouted "Finally!" in fond exasperation.

It was almost as if half of them knew already…which really wasn't that surprising, but damn. Jim thought they'd done a failry decent job of hiding it for the time that they did. The tension eased out of him and he knew this time it eased out of Spock as well.

He looked over at his science officer with a smaller, coy smile playing at the corners of his lips. "Would you object to a public display of affection mister Spock?"

"I believe one is permissible at this time, Captain Kirk." Spock agreed, lips twitching upwards at the corners.

They connected for a chaste kiss which earned whoops and hollers from the crowd. Jim's cheeks were painted a light pink when he pulled away. Which was sooooo not kick-ass- Captain-who-saved-Earth-from-going-kablooey. It screamed teenage schoolgirl, but he was too happy to really be miffed by the impression he was leaving at the moment.

He was in love.

Love did weird shit to you.

Bones waved his hands around and shooed away some of the folks as Spock leapt off the table and held his hand out to aid his fiance.

"Alright, alright people, time to disperse, each one of ya will get a chance to talk to the boy, now just mozy on over and enjoy yer time off." He groused.

No wanting to anger the doctor that was for once in a good mood, they did as they were told and displaced themselves about the room in small groups as Uhura cranked up some music, a mix of old and new as people loosened up and enjoyed themselves.

Jim was crowded by his senior officers, each one of them with a smile of some degree and some patting him on the back, and others awaiting their turn to give him very manly hugs, (with the exception of a certain eager sewenteen year old) It was better he was back.

"So…" he trailed off.

"We all kind of already knew." Sulu finished for him.

"ah." Jim nodded in acknowlegement, Spock once again stood by his side, just enough for their shoulders to lightly brush against each other and to feel the heat radiating off the warmer body.

Jim shuddered when he pulled away and Pike enterred the circle putting a hand on Jim's shoulder and giving a squeeze. "Can I steal you two away for a moment?"

Jim looked at Spock for some form of confirmation, which he gave in beginning to step away with his hands firmly clasped behind his back. Jim followed the two until they were a good distance between them and everyone else.

"Sir, I know that we're probably breaking a ton of regulations, but you can't tell me this hasn't happened before, and besides I'm sure ther are-"

"Jim! It's alright, calm down." Pike cut in with a chuckle. "There's no need to worry about your engagement. I back your decision one hundred percent."

Jim's eyes widened and his jaw opened reflexively to say something, he'd automatically gone on the defensive and really there was no need to because this was Christopher Pike he was talking to. A man who had become somewhat of a father figure in his life.

A constant.

He sighed and did as he was told by relaxing a bit. "I'm here to congratualate you on your return to command and to deliver a bit of news.

"Good or bad?" Jim offered. Spock would have norally protested to this comment, because news was news. But he settled to stand a bit closer to Jim. An unconscious act of course.

"It's about the impending trial for Spock." Pike continued.

Jim's eyes steeled and tightened, the cobalt blue once again determined and trying to remain strong. He also made an unconscious act and stepped partially in front of the Vulcan, as if to shield him from phaser fire.

Said Vulcan stiffened and eyes were fixed on the Admiral. Trying to remain blank, ready for an execution.

"You boys can once again relax. It's good news. The case has been dropped. They didn't find enough evidence or something." He said with the wave of a hand to swat the invisible words away.

Jim didn't want to push his luck, but he could have very easily attempted to squeeze the life out of Spock with a death like grip of a hug.

"I'm not sure I want to ask…" Jim offered.

Pike easily finished for him. "I took care of it. That's all I'm going to say on the matter," mature face breaking into a fond smile, for two of his favorite officers.

Jim wasn't sure if this day could get any better. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so happy when he should have been miserable.

Pike's gravelly voice brought him back to the present. "I just wanted to welcome you back Jim, and let you know the good news. One less thing to worry about," the admiral finished with a smile.

Jim nodded and swallowed a bit, inching closer to touch shoulders with Spock. "Sir, you're really alright with Spock and I getting hitched?"

"Of course Jim." He responded with what seemed like pride in his eyes. "I… well, You're the closest person I've ever had for a son, and I couldn't have picked anyone better, and please call me Chris." He looked over at the Vulcan whose skin was turning a light green.

Jim nodded, "alright, thank you si-Chris."

He smiled one last time and shook both of their hands, pulling Jim into a hug and setting about to mingle with the other crew members he'd come to know when he commanded the silver woman known as _Enterprise._

Jim turned to his fiancé a more genuine smile that didn't split his face held in place.

The Vulcan's breath couldn't seem to fill his lungs with his _T'hy'la _looking at him in that manner. "Is everything alright, Jim?"

"I believe everything is wonderful." he answered. Jim moved in to circle his arms around the Vulcan's waist, but was snatched away by his helmsman Sulu to be swung around.

"First Officer Spock can't have you to himself the whole night. Everyone else wants to see ya'." Jim was carted off with a laugh as he shot a glance at his First who nodded in acquiescence.

It started off with Sulu which was joined by Chekov. The only seventeen year old who would show him some traditional Russian moves, way beyond this time, but a tradition still alive and well.

He then ended up around Uhura's vicinity. She surprisingly had a dance with her Captain.

"I knew." She simply reminded him.

"For how long?" He oferred as he dipped her low and pulled her back up, that effervescent smile contagious and making her grin back.

"Before you returned to the ship."

"Ah." He twirled her out and snapped her back in, "enough said."

"Not exactly," She countered as she mirrored Kirk's previous move. She took a moment to stare into his bright blues, ridiculously bright blues and couldn't see the playboy she once knew. Only the strong man that lead her and the rest of the crew.

"You really love him, don't you?" she added.

"With all of my heart."

His eyes were still honest and his words infused with such sincerity it almost hurt. She nodded and danced the rest of the song with him in a companionable silence.

The Captain continued on in this fashion, sharing laughs and fond memories with friends. Congratulatory handshakes, and drinks, toasts for the engagement and his return.

Towards the end he was handed off to his best friend. "Hello, Bones," He offered.

Eyes starting to droop a bit with fatigue but his feet still moved to the somewhat slower song.

"Hey Jimmy, darlin', how're ya feelin'?"

"Just dandy doctor." Jim laughed out and shook his head before resting a chin on his best friend's shoulder.

"Thank you Bones." He whispered.

"Anything for you." McCoy replied with a smirk, hugging Jim tight before loosening his grip again and swaying to the beat of the music.

"It's good to have you back. Jim, I was so worried about you…"

"I know, but I'm getting better."

"yeah…"

"Bones? Ar-are you…?"

"What!? NO dammit! I-I had something in my fucking eye."

Jim pulled back to look at his long time partner in crime to see his eyes glassy with tears that threatened to spill. "I'm just happy for you is all Jimmy, don't worry about it. You've just…this is gonna' sound like a load of shit but you've grown up so much…and the fact you're serious about Spock."

"I know. I mean…I understand what you're getting at."

The normally frowning CMO nodded with a smile rather than it's upside-down counterpart parting his lips.

Jim smiled back and again pulled his friend into another macho hug. "Couldn't have done it without you." Jim offered in a low voice.

"I know." Bones nodded, he pulled away to give Jim's cheek a gentle pat.

Another presence lingered in the Captain's peripheral. Both men turned around to spot a very stiff looking Vulcan.

"Would it be permissible to 'cut in?" Spock offered with a lifted brow.

"Sure thing Spock, he's all yours." Leonard offered with one last knowing glance before settling with a few medical personel and holding light conversation.

They stood there like they were kids at a high school dance again. Jim staring at his feet and biting his lower lip.

"Would it be acceptable for me to dance with my fiancé?"

It sounded like something out of some teenage flick, but Spock saying it set something on fire in Jim's veins. He nodded and offered out a hand all for the taking.

The Vulcan took Jim's hand in his own, twining their fingers together as he lead them in a traditional slow dance, simple steps that was as soothing as being rocked to sleep.

"You require rest very soon." Spock laid his head atop Jim's own.

"Something like that." Jim answered eyes closing for a bit longer than they should have.

"Been a busy bee tonight." he added with a disloyal yawn, body going against his brain to stay conscious.

"Another colorful earth phrase?"

"Of course, Spock."

"Perhaps we should retire for the evening to you quarters?"

"Sounds good, but what about the…the" Jim's face was screwed into the most adorable expression brows furrowed in concentration, lips set in a slight pout, cogs in his brain turning with the word he was looking for.

"The bonding. Only if you are able to stay awake on our way back to your quarters."

"Alright." Jim sighed a bit breathily against Spock's cheek, then kissing it sweetly.

The couple slowly untangled from each other and said their goodbyes. Sulu and Chekov promised to have the place picked up once everyone left.

After leaving they walked the empty corridors on closer contact than normal, Jim leaning against Spock and bumping into his hip every so often, fingers brushing aginst the others to illicit shudders of pleasure.

Once inside Jim's quarters there's a growl from one or both parties as theyonce again turned into a tangled mess of limbs on the bed, pulling at clothing and mouths finding purchase on any available piece of flesh left open to terrorize and pepper with colorful bruises.

Spock became less of a jumbled mess as his kisses were as precise and calculating as his mind. Jim couldn't display as much control if he tried, his very human emotions letting him moan and grip at the Vulcan's shoulders.

Kisses slowed to something languid, bodies rolling into one another, Jim letting out soft cries and frustrated sounds, wanting more contact, trying to remove the last bits of clothing that stood in their way.

His pleas were answered as skin was slid against skin and Spock rolled against him once more. Leaving Jim crying and clamoring for more contact.

"Oh Spock." He cried out, eyes half hooded and mouth open as he gasped for air.

Spock grabbed Jim's left hand to kiss the ring on his finger. "May I enter you mind?" he asked, with dark eyes full of the love Kirk knew was for him, and only for him.

The blonde Captain gave a nod and reached to caress Spock's cheek. The Vulcan tenderly took Jim's hand in his own, and placed it in the meld points on his face, mirroring him to do the same to Kirk.

"My mind to you mind…

_My thoughts to your thoughts _

_He echoed in the shared head space. His silver armor encasing Jim as he fell into it, soft as silk to the touch, but as resistant as steel. _

"_What now, _T'hy'la?_" Jim voiced._

"_Now I bind us deeper, so you will be bonded with me, eternally. If that is your wish. "_

_The steel shimmered as Spock wavered in indecision, wondering if Jim's judgement was too clouded for such a heavy decision._

"_I more than wish it…I need it. I need you."_

"_Are you certain?"_

"_Yes." The beam of sunshine radiated light and affection, Spock crossed what little space there was to once again embrace it in his folds of silver that shifted to the night sky, their forms actually taking the bodily shapes of their exterrior forms, still swathed in night and sunlight._

_Jim's heart raced as he seemed to float in the hold the Vulcan had on him, mind opening up to new pathways as shapes and images floated into the shared space. Memories of both Spocks and his head began to pound like a dam that would burst._

"_Spock!" He panicked,_

"_Be calm, _T'hy'la_. This is a very strong emotional transfer, do you wish to stop?"_

"_No, but I, I need you. Come here. Please," he pleaded, the second skin of sunlight glimmering around him._

_The desperation in Kirk's voice making Spock step closer until Jim's memories of his capture flashed before._

_Spock also could not help but feel heat rise when anger colored his silver shell, making it hot and pulsing with red. He pushed Jim away as the memory passed once again, before pulling him close once he cooled off and convulsed back into the starry night sky, black and twinkling with lights._

_Their bodies now having an actual form Jim was able to truly see Spock in the meld. He ran light fingers over a dark cheek in wait. His face was pulled upwards for a kiss that surged throughout his veins and made his soul sing._

"_I love you, _T'hy'la, _forever." Spock breathed against his lips. _

"_I love you too." Jim breathed, breathing his fiancé in, stars flickering from where his lips touched against Spock's._

They were brought back to reality, Spock's eyes opening to reveal deep pools of black, that still held the stars. Jim came around bright blues content as he tried to gasp for air and his face was in an array of shock and elated joy.

The Vulcan hybrid tested the connection, he removed himself from Jim for a small moment before speaking.

_Are you able to hear me _T'hy'la_?_

Jim's eyes doubled in size. He was about to speak aloud, when Spock prodded him through the link.

_I-yeah, how did you…_

_This is one of the added luxuries of a deeper connection, and being truly bonded to one's life mate._

_Ah. This, everything you've done…_

Spock once, again closed the distance between them, folding the Captain into his arms.

Jim burrowed against his neck. "There is no need for thanks, Jim. It is something we have both…desired. It is I who should be thankful. For finding you. Again." The Vulcan spoke honestly, with no mask in place, words still articulate and precise, but with affection directed for the one man he could whole-heartedly say he loved.

"I truly am unsure if I would have not attempted to follow you if you perished a year ago from this day."

"Spock-" Jim was cut off, chin tilted upward to look into those dark eyes he never quite grew tired of.

"That is unnecessary to think about, for you are here, and we are now together for…ever."

"Forever." Jim repeated as he leaned in for another kiss to seal the letter of Fate.

He'd been stolen, tortured and returned, broken but growing stronger each day with the help of his crew, best friend, and this _man. _Vulcan or Human it didn't matter.

Spock was Spock.

Who accepted Jim for being Jim.

For this love, he was certain.

* * *

A/N: It's beena pleasure writing this, but do not fret lovelies. I plan on expanding on this universe. Thank you all for your reading and reviewing. I'll you'll stick around to see what else I got up my sleeve.


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